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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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My husband of eight years left me bc of my postpartum

Customer Question

my husband of eight years left me bc of my postpartum anxiety/anger. while separated he became a muslim(once a youth pastorZ), performed a wedding ceremony while i was pregnant with our third. He's impulsive, careless, extremely forgetful, and disorganized... please help whats wrong with him. I've gotten the therapy re my mental health w postpartum, its time for him to stop reaching havoc on our lives
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 2 years ago.

Hello, I am so sorry that your husband is behaving in this manner, I can understand how distressing this can be for you. As you know it would be impossible for me to diagnose your husband without a face to face evaluation, but I may be able to speculate and point you in the right direction. I would like to ask you a few questions to get a better idea of your situation so that I can better help you. Is your husband taking any medications or substances, including alcohol? Was the change in your husbands behavior sudden or gradual? What was your husband like before this problematic behavior? Does your husband have mood swings of up and down or is his behavior constant? Did he explain why he converted to Islam?

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
No he's never done any drugs, alcohol. He's been searching off n on I guess re religion, and had lots of questions bout Jesus... His parents are pastors, he was a worship n youth pastor. He was an incredibly selfless, loving gracious, compassionate man . I've only noticed him being passive: aggressive and stays super calm emotionally through everything. He's known as having a poker face. But he's been very angry through this process. We have also lost 755,000 $ in past two years due to a business venture. That went south. He is very successful with his business, of 8 yrs. he's incredibly prideful man... Has a hard time apologizing like I might have mentioned. No mood swings, just very ultra calm( I believe it's a mask)
The change seemed sudden to me. I knew we were having marriage problems, but to leave when I was carrying third child, because he couldn't handle my anger anymore, which I've gotten help for, seemed pretty sudden. Not sure if this helps...
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
The woman he married was a Somalian woman, and ten years younger. He introduced the kids to her before I even knew about the wedding ceremony. He seems like he's very distracted easily, and head in the clouds/ daydreaming, lots... Not sure. I just want the man I married back.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 2 years ago.

Thank you for your responses as it helps me to better understand your husband and his sudden change in behavior. It is doubtful that your husband is suffering from severe disorders like a Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, or a Psychotic Disorder as his symptoms are not consistent with that. In order to have a Personality Disorder, he would have had to act like this for most of his adult life and I doubt he would have been able to hide that from you. A Bipolar Disorder requires mood swings and so far he does not display that. Also a Psychotic Disorder would require symptoms of hallucinations, delusions, and disorganized behavior/speech where he would not be understandable and that does not appear to be the case here.

Most likely what your husband is experiencing would be a mood disorder like Depression with Anxiety. Depression and Anxiety typically co-occur together (around 65 percent of the time) and this would explain his sudden mood changes, irritability, anxiety, impulsiveness, and cognitive issues (forgetting things and partial disorganization). While he says that his change in behavior was because of your post-partum issues, I doubt that was the chief cause because you stated that he was a very prideful man and cannot admit when he was wrong, so when he lost close to 750,000 dollars in a business venture, this may have hurt his pride so much that it caused this depression and anxiety because his ego did not allow him to admit his mistakes here and accept what happened, so instead he decided to run away from this and you. Depression and Anxiety from these unfortunate events can cause a person to run away instead of dealing with the issue head on and that would also explain his change in religion as he wants to find some direction to go that is different than what he is experiencing now. So overall most likely your husband is experiencing a mix of Depression and Anxiety because of these unfortunate events that overwhelmed him and caused him to run away.

While I know you want your husband back, the unfortunate part is that the only way for you to get your husband back would be for him to accept that he is suffering from the Depression and Anxiety and must be willing to treat this issue, instead of running away. Only he can choose to seek treatment and if he does not than the sad news is that you may never get your husband back.

I hope this answers your questions and gives you some guidance on this issue. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns as I am happy to assist and support you regarding this issue.

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Expert:  Dr. Z replied 2 years ago.

Hello, I noticed that you viewed my answer and I was checking in to see if you have any further questions or concerns that you would like me to address on this issue?


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