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Dr. C.
Dr. C., Board Certified
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3064
Experience:  Physician with 30 years of experience.
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I know $15 gets a very concise answer which I understand

Customer Question

I know $15 gets a very concise answer which I understand now. So I have two examples that are concise (I hope). Do you still think my dad is "ok" based on these new questions I want to ask? 1) Yesterday he brushed my back up and down as he hugged me and
as he was brushing down he was stepping away from me so his hand went lower than the other times and was actually ended up on the "high butt" area. does that make a difference? do you think it was just accidently? and if something similar happens again I should
or shouldn't worry? 2)Also he was handing me my car keys in the car and the back of his hand barely brushed against my chest (I hardly felt it) 3)Also, when playing with my 2 year old niece he will sometimes pinch/goose her butt as she is running away or "wrestling"
with him.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. C. replied 2 years ago.
Hi, It's Dr. C.
If you're questioning this because it makes you uncomfortable, the best thing to do is to be straight and clear. "Dad, it makes me uncomfortable when you touch me in that area. I want to still be able to hug you, but please don't touch me there anymore. Thanks. I know you understand".
With regards ***** ***** niece, it's actually up to her parents to decide whether they want to set boundaries about this or not. If your niece has mentioned she doesn't like it, then yes they should say something similar to him, "Dad, I know you're just being playful and having fun, but she (niece) doesn't want you to touch her like that anymore. We appreciate that you understand she has a right to decide what feels right to her with regards ***** ***** touched by others. Thanks."
You absolutely have the right not to be touched in a way that makes you uncomfortable or question the other persons motives. Period.
I hope this was helpful.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
do you think the brushing against me is accidental? Do you think he is did this on purpose? if you think it is just accidental than I don't need to worry about it (in my opinion)
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Also, did Dr. Z not want to answer this question? I appreciate your help, but I am not sure why it went to you...I had requested him. I just want to know so that I don't request him in the future...
Expert:  Dr. C. replied 2 years ago.

If he never harmed you as a child, it's probably accidental but if it makes you uncomfortable, it's simple to tell him that. If he loves and cares about you, he won't be offended.

Expert:  Dr. C. replied 2 years ago.

Dr. Z isn't available on the site so the question went to me.

Expert:  Dr. C. replied 2 years ago.
Anything else I can help with today?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I don't remember him ever doing anything to me, so hopefully I am not forgetting. so overall you think it is safe to stop worrying about this even if something similar happens again? (if he brushes against a personal body area when hugging or reaching past me or something?
And do you think it is safe to stop worrying that he will do something inappropriate in the future?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I am not sure if you can see other questions I have asked, but I have a history of obsessive "paranoid" thoughts related to my dad and so I am always worrying wehter or not he is being inappropriate and whether or not he will start being inappropriate....
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Dr. Z answered a question for me last week which is why I requested him....I am not sure why he skipped on this one (probably because I asked him too many questions....)
Expert:  Dr. C. replied 2 years ago.

If it feels inappropriate to you, it's best to say something simple as I outlined above. That type of statement works well whether it was accidental or intentional. If you find yourself worrying about it, it's best to set a clear boundary. Something simple without making a big deal out of it. But letting him know that it makes you uncomfortable. Be sure to add an I love you Dad in there too, if you do love him. And smile. I think you'll feel better overall if he didn't touch you in places that made you wonder.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I only wonder when it is something that I can't tell whether or not it was intentional. He has never reached for me in an inappropriate way or reached to touch me anywhere wrong, but I am 27 and around him a lot and we always hug etc and so we end up bumping into each other, brushing against each other if reaching for something etc. and so sometimes that includes a leg or butt or chest and so because I am anxious I always wonder if it is intentional or not....I wish there was a way to know for sure so I could stop worrying....
Expert:  Dr. C. replied 2 years ago.

The only way I can think of to figure this out is to mention it to him as I outlined above. If it was intentional and inappropriate, he will absolutely stop doing it. If it was accidental, he may become more aware and conscious about it and it will decrease but there may still be times it happens accidentally. So the only way to tell, is to say something to him. Remember that if it's intentional, it's important that you say something so it stops. If it was an accident, he will become more aware because he loves you and will understand.

I hope this helps.

Expert:  Dr. C. replied 2 years ago.

If done, please leave a rating for my service. I aim for excellent and appreciate your feedback. Thanks and good luck with this.