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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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My husband left me about 3 weeks ago. We have been fighting

Customer Question

Hi. My husband left me about 3 weeks ago. We have been fighting for a long time. I haven't worked in awhile. I felt like nothing I ever do is ever good enough, I start cleaning the house & get so frustrated I stop because I feel like it's never enough. He always has criticized me & hides it with jokes. When he left I said I wanted to die. I really did want to die. He left & called the police. Then sat with his mother (her house isn't far from ours) and timed how long it took the police to arrive.. 37
Minutes apparently. They took me to the hospital & they did release me because I never would kill myself because I wouldn't do that to my kids. They said I have acute depression. I am going to doctor tomorrow. I am 37 years old & didn't have any problems with depression ever until I got into this relationship. I'm not sure if this is my fault but he left me because I have been angry for a long time. I do not know why. I have picked fights with him & I am very sensitive to things he says & I read into things (I think?!)... I have said some nasty things to him that I never meant. I do not know why I said those things. I feel worthless all the time & blame myself constantly for financial issues, he also has blamed me for all of the financial problems. He has bad mouthed me to his family so much that his mother hates me. He even has told my family every bad thing I've done... I always downplay anything he's ever done if I ever say anything to begin with because I don't discuss our relationship with others. I moved into a small town with him that are all his family & friends. I am always looked at as the reason for any problems that have occurred in our relationship. I feel like lately I have been the abusive one with the things I've said... I just don't know how I got this far down that I can hardly function. I don't understand how he can think I'm so awful especially since he knows I am depressed. He thinks it's in my head, he's called me a crazy bitch, said I just gave up on life.. He resents me very much & I'm very frustrated because I do realize that the way I've been lately has been difficult & I've said things I shouldn't have said... Why does he feel he hasn't done any wrong & now that he knows I am depressed why does he feel it's ok to just leave me because "I need help"... I'm just very confused. I'm so mad at him sometimes but then I miss him so much the other times.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 2 years ago.
This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.
Hello, I am very sorry that you are having this difficulty with your husband, I can understand how distressing his behavior would be to you. Obviously I have never met your husband, so I cannot say with 100 percent certainty why he would behave in such a manner as I cannot read his mind, but I can provide you with some speculation as to why he is treating you this way. It is possible that your husband may have behavioral traits similar to a personality disorder (possibly Narcissistic Personality Disorder) where he feels that nothing is his fault, purposefully demeans you to lower your self-esteem, and tries to control/intimidate you throughout the relationship. In addition, your husband may also be somewhat ignorant about mental illness as a whole, which is why he says this is all in your head, thinking that you can just snap out of a depression if you wanted to. Many individuals who are ignorant of how severe a depression can be for someone will often blame them for their woes and troubles, which of course only furthers the depression. He may believe that you are depressed on purpose because you want others to feel sorry for you, and given his behavior instead of helping and being supportive, it just causes him to resent you more.
Regardless of the why your husband is treating you in this manner, it is apparent that this marriage has not been healthy for your overall mental health and it would be best for you to take some time away from it so that you can heal from the negative effects of your husband’s behavior. The doctor will most likely prescribe you an antidepressant and recommend therapy to help you break free from this depression and move forward with your life. After you have been treated for this depression and feel you have more control over your life than maybe you and your husband can discuss the future of your marriage or you can decide on your own if you want to continue with this marriage or not. If you do decide to continue with this marriage, than your husband will have to make changes of his own as his behavior cannot continue and he will have to be more supportive and understanding.
I hope this answers your questions and gives you some guidance on this issue. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns as I am happy to assist and support you regarding this issue.
If you are satisfied with my answer, I would truly appreciate it if you can take the time and provide me with a positive rating so that I can receive credit for helping you. Thank you