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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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I am a 51 year old female. , I have had people disrespect

Customer Question

I am a 51 year old female. For years, I have had people disrespect me and verbally abuse me for no reason. I don't even have to say anything to them or share any aspects of my personal life with them, yet they choose me to be disrespectful to. Recently, we had hired a new employee here at the law firm where I work. Two days ago, she was abruptly fired. The reason was that apparently she was making comments about me behind my back "calling me white trash", "a piece of garbage" etc. Nobody knew why this person targeted me. It reached the ears of an attorney I work for, and she was abruptly fired. Now, there is a lot of scrutiny on me, as people are trying to figure out "why she thought I was white trash". It seems like people view me as someone who is stupid, uneducated, poor, a victim of circumstance, etc. While I know I don't have the best credentials, I do hold a college degree and have been employed for 30 years. I own my house outright in a good area (although it is small), but still people think negative things about me. Obviously, it has to do with my appearance, however I am not fat (as a matter of fact before I hit menopause I weighed 105 lbs), always wear make up and try to look my best. However, I never have been attractive and never had any dates. Men just weren't looking for woman 5'3, brunette and short. As a result, I was always cheated on and most men used me for money. Still, my main concern is here at work. My boss took me out to lunch and all but pryed into my personal life about my finances based on what this terminated coworker said about me. They can't understand why she singled me out and why people automatically have a negative opinion about me.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 2 years ago.
*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.
Hello again. I am sorry that you are having this issue at your work, I can understand how distressing this can possibly be for you. I would like to ask you a few questions to get a better idea of your situation, so that I can better assist you.
1. You ask why others disrespect you and try to verbally abuse you, but it does not appear to be people thinking about you in this way, it is just one person would that be accurate?
2. Also is it possible that these other people that may be disrespecting you are jealous?
3. You mentioned going to individual therapy, has that been helpful and given you any insight about this situation?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Maybe here at work it was just "one person" but people in general especially men view me as poor ugly, a person who is one of life's losers and amounted to nothing, and easily taken advantage of., some woman do as well. I have been in therapy 20 years. Nobody could give me the answer to this question. I hardly doubt anyone is jealous. There is nothing to be envious of. I have a husband who cheats on me and doesn't work, 3 kids who I take care of financially on my own, and live in a shitty house, although it is paid in full. I recently ballooned up to 120 lbs and can't lose weight due to menopause, not that weight was an in issue anyway. Nobody in a million years would change place with me. I think that is why they pick on me. They see me as a loser. I just found out this coworker that called me white trash lived in a bad neighborhood, is 59 years old and lives at home with her 89 year old parents. She brags about all the money she has saved. Sorry--but if my parents allowed me to USE them for 30 years and never pay a cent, I would be loaded too. My response was that if she was so rich, why is she living in a poverty area? Still, people are acting defensive towards me because I am trying to take the target off my back

Expert:  Dr. Z replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for your responses as it helps me to understand your situation more. I cannot tell you why others think the way they do as I cannot read their minds and I do not know these other people as well. But I also think you are focusing only on the people that disrespect you and treat you poorly, and you are looking at those people that support you and genuinely look up to you and respect you. I know how focusing on these negative people is easy because it is right there in front of you, but you also have to look at the ones that support you as well. Also who is to say that these other people who are negative are not having their own issues and just taking it out on anyone, including you. For instance this woman who said such disparaging remarks towards you appears to have some narcissistic tendencies where she has to brag all the time about her money and her life, and still cannot leave her parent's home due to her lack of independence. This woman does not appear to be the model citizen and I would take her criticism of you with a grain of salt given her own issues. So if she clearly has internal psychological issues, who is to say a fair majority of these other negative people do not have issues either? I cannot tell you why some people have treated you poorly because I was not there and I do not know these people, but regardless of that you should know what kind of person you are and that is all that should matter to you. These other people do not know you and probably have their own psychological issues, so why should you care what they think about you. You should only care about what you think about yourself and if you are happy with the person you are and the accomplishments you have made than that is what you need to focus on. I hope this answers your questions and gives you some guidance on this issue. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns as I am happy to assist and support you regarding this issue. If you are satisfied with my answer, I would truly appreciate it if you can take the time and provide me with a positive rating so that I can receive credit for helping you. Thank you
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 2 years ago.
Hello, I was checking in to see if you have any further questions or concerns that you would like me to address on this issue?
If you are satisfied with my answer, I would truly appreciate it if you can take the time and provide me with a positive rating so that I can receive credit for helping you. Thank you