Mental Health

Have mental health questions? Ask a psychiatrist online

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

When we first got to know each other, he told me I want to…

Customer Question
when we first got to...
when we first got to know each other, he told me I want to marry you but I cant do it now, its better if you stay in your parents house, get your degree and when youre done with school, we will get married and have a decent ceremony. he said meanwhile he would be able to save up. few month after he decided that he doesnt want to wait until I finish school and he said we get married next year and you dont have to work when you go to school so you can finish it up faster. He said he can save up for our wedding in the one year we have left. next month is that one year we were supposed to have our wedding, we didnt save up a penny. we're barely making it. we moved in 3 month a go, because when his mom left, he couldnt afford 1400$ rent. when she was a round, he only paid 600$ for the rent and his mom paid the rest. he made 2000$ monthly and didnt save a penny when she was around. 4 month into our relationship, i didnt have a car, so he pushed me to getting one, because he didnt want me to go to school by bus, he told i take care of the monthly lease payment. He pushed me into getting a 5000$ credit card so I can make a down payment, and lease a bmw. Im not blaming him all the way, but he pushed me into this, I wasnt happy with it, I wanted a cheaper car where payment wouldnt go over 250$ but he kept pushing me and telling me dont worry about the car payment. I make enough, I pay it. and he did pay it but that meant not being able to save anything. 420$ for bmw, and 200$ for his own car, plus 350$ for insurance because he had 2 accidents and couple tickets, my driving record was completly clean. cars alone with insurance costs him 1000$, add up the gas to work, I barely went anywhere, but on the weekend he wanted to drive the bmw so add 50$ gas every week, and resturants and hookah bars we went to every single weekend. we never stayed home, I wanted to but he always got mad at me, that I go to work 5 days a week, and i deserve to enjoy my weekend. thats why 1 year and a half through our relationship and we dont have a penny, and when I try to talk to him about this, he gets angry and yell at me, and tell me If im not happy I can leave. He keeps saying that I worked for both of us, and I had bought everything you could every dream of, things that your own parents never did for you, and this is how you thank me. I never asked him to do any of those things for me, he practicly forced me into buying me things, and taking me to vacations. I forgot to mention we went to vegas 4 times, once I wanted to and the rest he wanted and made me agree to it, add that up to cost as well. 4 month ago, around the times his mom left to another city, he lost his job as well, so he started working on uber as a driver, on his own time. first 2 month it was good, but then one week he was sick and he didnt go, and the next week I got sick and he didnt go to take care of me, after that I feel like its hard for him to work anymore. one day he goes, next day he fights with me over a little thing, and he just doesnt go. we are supposed to just register as husband and wife in a month, and then have the ceremony by the end of the year, but Im scared that day never comes, like the rest of his promises. Im scared to marry him, because when I look back, nothing he promised, he was able to carry it out. I dont know what to do
Submitted: 2 years ago.Category: Mental Health
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Answered in 5 minutes by:
6/13/2015
Mental Health Professional: Dr. Z, Psychologist replied 2 years ago
Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10,643
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Verified
This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.
Hello, I believe I may be able to help you with your concern. I am sorry that you are having this issue with your partner, I can understand how distressing this can possibly be for you. I would like to ask you a few questions to get a better idea of what you are looking for, so that I can better assist you.
1. I understand that you are saying you do not know what to do, but because this is primarily a Q&A website, what is your specific mental health question that you are asking here?
2. Due to the fact that you both have all these expenses and your life is not as orderly as you would want it to be, would he consider pushing back the actual wedding until you both are established?
3. Since you both have tried marriage counseling, what did the therapist say to you and/or him about his lack of effort?
4. And lastly what do you want? You are asking about what to do, but what do you specifically want from this relationship right now?
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 2 years ago
If i knew what I want I wouldnt be here, asking for help. Im confused, I know I love him, but Im scared from our future, based on the life decisions he had made so far, and based on the fact that he has a temper problem that everytime I pinpoint something that hes doing wrong, he jumps all over me.
Mental Health Professional: Dr. Z, Psychologist replied 2 years ago
I understand that you are confused and I obviously cannot tell you what to do because I do not know you as a person and the choice of what to do with your own life is entirely up to you. Now I am assuming that when you say he "forces" you to do these things concerning the car, vacations, the wedding, etc...this is where his anger problem comes into play if you disagree with him and that is why you consider this more like force or intimidation, would that be correct? If the relationship continues in this way where everything has to be his way only and that your input is not being considered than I would have to admit that the future of your relationship and possible marriage may be increasingly frustrating for you. A relationship/marriage is about compromise and sacrificing for your partner, but it appears that you are doing most of the sacrificing because you are always going along with what he wants and says, and if you speak up and try to voice a different point of view he gets angry with you. That behavior in itself is not compatible for a healthy relationship, so your partner will have to make some changes so that you can be included more in any decision process and that your input will be given as much value as his own.
Once again I cannot tell you what to do as that choice is up to you, but I do believe you have a valid point and that some changes need to be made in this relationship so that you can feel more included.
I hope this answers your questions and gives you some guidance on this issue. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns as I am happy to assist and support you regarding this issue.
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Was this answer helpful?
Ask Dr. Z Your Own Question
Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10,643
10,643 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.

Dr. Z is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much

Corrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well!

ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion.

KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
I feel better already! Thank you.

ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.

JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions.

John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!!

Janet VPhoenix, AZ

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Dr. Keane

Dr. Keane

Therapist

1,379 satisfied customers

Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

TherapistMarryAnn

TherapistMarryAnn

Therapist

4,021 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

Dr. Olsen

Dr. Olsen

Psychologist

2,336 satisfied customers

PsyD Psychologist

Norman M.

Norman M.

Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

2,246 satisfied customers

ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Dr. Michael

Dr. Michael

Psychologist

2,177 satisfied customers

Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.

Steven Olsen

Steven Olsen

Therapist

1,728 satisfied customers

More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Anna

Anna

Mental Health Professional

1,656 satisfied customers

Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.

< Previous | Next >

Related Mental Health Questions
Over the last 3 years i have lost almost all emotions
Over the last 3 years i have lost almost all emotions including the ability to show and feel happiness, sadness, Love, and even loneliness. I don't even "feel" depressed. The crazy part is i didn't ev… read more
MN Psychiatrist
MN Psychiatrist
Psychiatrist
Doctor of Medicine
791 satisfied customers
Why would a man choose a woman over his children? My ex is
Why would a man choose a woman over his children? My ex is currently seeing a woman, who is extremely insecure, she has his voice mail code. He was an awesome dad, until she came into the picture. He … read more
Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Psychologist
10,643 satisfied customers
I am looking for reviews of the PNP center.
I am looking for reviews of the PNP center.… read more
Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Psychologist
10,643 satisfied customers
Did you receive the tip? My phone was acting up the other
Did you receive the tip? My phone was acting up the other evening. I tried to leave a tip, but am not sure it went through. This is ****************… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
1,012 satisfied customers
I did something really horrible last night and I don't know
I did something really horrible last night and I don't know what to do … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
1,012 satisfied customers
I am feelin anxious. He gave me Xanaz today. I did not sleep
I smoked weed at a party and now Im feeling anxious… read more
Vakul Aren
Vakul Aren
Consultant Physician
Post graduation (Liverpool, U.K.)
4,125 satisfied customers
Can you see my typing? Did you see my question about sudden
Did you see my question about sudden high blood pressure? … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
1,012 satisfied customers
My ex did gay porn but swears he's not gay.. he's so back
My ex did gay porn but swears he's not gay.. he's so back and forth with me.. he was addicted to oxy I love him but he's so closed off… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
I keep thinking about what I did when I was younger, when I
I keep thinking about what I did when I was younger, when I was about 6 I remeber like kissing almost making out with my two sisters, they were 5 and 4 then later when I was about 14-15 I developed la… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
868 satisfied customers
I am having terrible guilt and shame about things I did in
I am having terrible guilt and shame about things I did in my past which have suddenly come to my consciousness - when I was about 16 I was extremely sexual and ended up sniffing knickers on a number … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
1,012 satisfied customers
Leah,I had a question I did get to mention yesterday..the
Hi Leah,I had a question I did get to mention yesterday..the thread was getting a bit to long anyway lol… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
1,012 satisfied customers
My best friend "J" was diagnosed with ADD (or ADHD, I'm not
Hello, my best friend "J" was diagnosed with ADD (or ADHD, I'm not sure the difference), we are in our 40s. But I don't see her having this problem. When she was first diagnosed I just thought, oh it'… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
868 satisfied customers
Unfortunately, our 4 year old daughter caught me giving my
Unfortunately, our 4 year old daughter caught me giving my husband oral sex about 6 hours ago. We were about to go out and were both in shock so we basically said dont ever come in our room when the d… read more
Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Psychologist
10,643 satisfied customers
Do woman like (dislike) a man having in mouth during. What %
Do woman like (dislike) a man having orgasm in mouth during orgasm. What % enjoy swollowing, % that will not swallow, % that will allow in mouth but then spit it out. I await your respnce how long?… read more
Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye
Post-Doctoral Degree
220 satisfied customers
I love my girlfriend, but i hit her. I regret it so much.
I love my girlfriend, but i hit her. I regret it so much. Although i hit her, i did not plan to do so, nor would I ever want to hurt her in any way. What can I do for her and for myself to get over th… read more
Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye
Post-Doctoral Degree
220 satisfied customers
I have known a female narcissist for 3 years. She is also a
I have known a female narcissist for 3 years. She is also a prosititute. I met her as such. However we developed a connection seperate from her work and had intimate sex with her having consistent org… read more
Anna
Anna
Mental Health Professional
Master's Degree
1,656 satisfied customers
I recently feeling aroused by my younger brother. He's 14.
I recently feeling aroused by my younger brother. He's 14. I'm 21. I can't stop myself from thinking about his penis whenever I see him and can't stop staring at his crotch and wondering how he would … read more
Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Psychologist
10,643 satisfied customers
I have severe headaches after my Ect treatments. No one
I have severe headaches after my Ect treatments. No one seems to know why exactly. Do you? I am being treated at El Camino hospital. When I was treated five years ago at Stanford hospital I had no suc… read more
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Adjunct Professor
Master's Degree
1,014 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x