Mental Health

Have mental health questions? Ask a psychiatrist online

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

When we first got to know each other, he told me I want to…

Customer Question
when we first got to...
when we first got to know each other, he told me I want to marry you but I cant do it now, its better if you stay in your parents house, get your degree and when youre done with school, we will get married and have a decent ceremony. he said meanwhile he would be able to save up. few month after he decided that he doesnt want to wait until I finish school and he said we get married next year and you dont have to work when you go to school so you can finish it up faster. He said he can save up for our wedding in the one year we have left. next month is that one year we were supposed to have our wedding, we didnt save up a penny. we're barely making it. we moved in 3 month a go, because when his mom left, he couldnt afford 1400$ rent. when she was a round, he only paid 600$ for the rent and his mom paid the rest. he made 2000$ monthly and didnt save a penny when she was around. 4 month into our relationship, i didnt have a car, so he pushed me to getting one, because he didnt want me to go to school by bus, he told i take care of the monthly lease payment. He pushed me into getting a 5000$ credit card so I can make a down payment, and lease a bmw. Im not blaming him all the way, but he pushed me into this, I wasnt happy with it, I wanted a cheaper car where payment wouldnt go over 250$ but he kept pushing me and telling me dont worry about the car payment. I make enough, I pay it. and he did pay it but that meant not being able to save anything. 420$ for bmw, and 200$ for his own car, plus 350$ for insurance because he had 2 accidents and couple tickets, my driving record was completly clean. cars alone with insurance costs him 1000$, add up the gas to work, I barely went anywhere, but on the weekend he wanted to drive the bmw so add 50$ gas every week, and resturants and hookah bars we went to every single weekend. we never stayed home, I wanted to but he always got mad at me, that I go to work 5 days a week, and i deserve to enjoy my weekend. thats why 1 year and a half through our relationship and we dont have a penny, and when I try to talk to him about this, he gets angry and yell at me, and tell me If im not happy I can leave. He keeps saying that I worked for both of us, and I had bought everything you could every dream of, things that your own parents never did for you, and this is how you thank me. I never asked him to do any of those things for me, he practicly forced me into buying me things, and taking me to vacations. I forgot to mention we went to vegas 4 times, once I wanted to and the rest he wanted and made me agree to it, add that up to cost as well. 4 month ago, around the times his mom left to another city, he lost his job as well, so he started working on uber as a driver, on his own time. first 2 month it was good, but then one week he was sick and he didnt go, and the next week I got sick and he didnt go to take care of me, after that I feel like its hard for him to work anymore. one day he goes, next day he fights with me over a little thing, and he just doesnt go. we are supposed to just register as husband and wife in a month, and then have the ceremony by the end of the year, but Im scared that day never comes, like the rest of his promises. Im scared to marry him, because when I look back, nothing he promised, he was able to carry it out. I dont know what to do
Submitted: 3 years ago.Category: Mental Health
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Answered in 5 minutes by:
6/13/2015
Mental Health Professional: Dr. Z, Psychologist replied 3 years ago
Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10,643
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Verified
This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.
Hello, I believe I may be able to help you with your concern. I am sorry that you are having this issue with your partner, I can understand how distressing this can possibly be for you. I would like to ask you a few questions to get a better idea of what you are looking for, so that I can better assist you.
1. I understand that you are saying you do not know what to do, but because this is primarily a Q&A website, what is your specific mental health question that you are asking here?
2. Due to the fact that you both have all these expenses and your life is not as orderly as you would want it to be, would he consider pushing back the actual wedding until you both are established?
3. Since you both have tried marriage counseling, what did the therapist say to you and/or him about his lack of effort?
4. And lastly what do you want? You are asking about what to do, but what do you specifically want from this relationship right now?
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 3 years ago
If i knew what I want I wouldnt be here, asking for help. Im confused, I know I love him, but Im scared from our future, based on the life decisions he had made so far, and based on the fact that he has a temper problem that everytime I pinpoint something that hes doing wrong, he jumps all over me.
Mental Health Professional: Dr. Z, Psychologist replied 3 years ago
I understand that you are confused and I obviously cannot tell you what to do because I do not know you as a person and the choice of what to do with your own life is entirely up to you. Now I am assuming that when you say he "forces" you to do these things concerning the car, vacations, the wedding, etc...this is where his anger problem comes into play if you disagree with him and that is why you consider this more like force or intimidation, would that be correct? If the relationship continues in this way where everything has to be his way only and that your input is not being considered than I would have to admit that the future of your relationship and possible marriage may be increasingly frustrating for you. A relationship/marriage is about compromise and sacrificing for your partner, but it appears that you are doing most of the sacrificing because you are always going along with what he wants and says, and if you speak up and try to voice a different point of view he gets angry with you. That behavior in itself is not compatible for a healthy relationship, so your partner will have to make some changes so that you can be included more in any decision process and that your input will be given as much value as his own.
Once again I cannot tell you what to do as that choice is up to you, but I do believe you have a valid point and that some changes need to be made in this relationship so that you can feel more included.
I hope this answers your questions and gives you some guidance on this issue. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns as I am happy to assist and support you regarding this issue.
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Was this answer helpful?

How JustAnswer works

step-image
Describe your issueThe assistant will guide you
step-image
Chat 1:1 with a mental health professionalLicensed Experts are available 24/7
step-image
100% satisfaction guaranteeGet all the answers you need
Ask Dr. Z Your Own Question
Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10,643
10,643 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.

Dr. Z is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much

Corrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well!

ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion.

KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
I feel better already! Thank you.

ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.

JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions.

John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!!

Janet VPhoenix, AZ

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Dr. Keane

Dr. Keane

Therapist

1,379 satisfied customers

Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Therapist

4,111 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

Dr. Olsen

Dr. Olsen

Psychologist

2,336 satisfied customers

PsyD Psychologist

Norman M.

Norman M.

Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

2,246 satisfied customers

ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Dr. Michael

Dr. Michael

Psychologist

2,177 satisfied customers

Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.

Steven Olsen

Steven Olsen

Therapist

1,728 satisfied customers

More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Anna

Anna

Mental Health Professional

1,656 satisfied customers

Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.

< Previous | Next >

Related Mental Health Questions
My boyfriend has the following traits: Tracks me when I go
My boyfriend has the following traits : Tracks me when I go anywhere Accuses me of cheating Goes thru my phone Wants to be the controller of the house Says he wants to ruin my credit and my very succe… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
181 satisfied customers
For olsen. i am posting anew question. i just read your last
Hi for steve olsen. i am posting anew question. i just read your last post. i understand. i dont want to take time away from your mom. i was going to tell you that we were notified last night that the… read more
Steven Olsen
Steven Olsen
Therapist
Master's Degree
1,728 satisfied customers
Olsen please. last night was busy big time. we had multiple
hi steve olsen please. last night was busy big time. we had multiple traumas. a couple mvas.. the worst was when we had a 2 month old come in down. the baby had acid reflux and had just had her zantac… read more
Steven Olsen
Steven Olsen
Therapist
Master's Degree
1,728 satisfied customers
Im a 25 year old new mom passing through a very both
Im a 25 year old new mom passing through a very both economical and emotional distress i feel hopeless and i really think i need help urgently but i dont have money or medical care to pay for therapy … read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
450 satisfied customers
For olsen, i have been having some concerns over a few
hi for steve olsen, i have been having some concerns over a few things. one i have been sleeping downstairs since the arrival of the baby. at 1st i didnt wnat to be downstairs not with kate or my husb… read more
Steven Olsen
Steven Olsen
Therapist
Master's Degree
1,728 satisfied customers
FOR OLSEN. i have been spending/ wasting alot of time trying
HI FOR STEVEN OLSEN hi steven. i have been spending/ wasting alot of time trying to upgrade my account with just answer. its been def 30 min trying to do this. anyway my mother well said kate cant com… read more
Steven Olsen
Steven Olsen
Therapist
Master's Degree
1,728 satisfied customers
Our daughter has just told us that her fiance has put his
our daughter has just told us that her fiance has put his hands around her throat, threatened to slit her animals throats, pull the battery out of her car if she leaves, she was to be married Dec15, 2… read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
I HAVE A STEPSON THAT IS 24 YEARS OLD AM REALLY BESIDE
I HAVE A STEPSON THAT IS 24 YEARS OLD AM REALLY BESIDE MYSELF ABOUT WHATS HAPPENING HE HAS TRIED 2 DIFFERENT COLLAGES THAT PUT HIM ON ACEDEMIC PROBATION WITHIN THE FIRST SEMESTOR. HE GOT A FEW JOBS TH… read more
Dr. L
Dr. L
Clinical Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
294 satisfied customers
SON JUST DROPPED OUT OF COLLEGE-SENIOR YEAR, SAYS HE WAS
SON JUST DROPPED OUT OF COLLEGE-SENIOR YEAR, SAYS HE WAS UNDER TOO MUCH STRESS AND WILL GO BACK IN A FEW YEARS. MY AND I ARE DEVASTATED. WE KNOW HE HAS BEEN ENJOYING THE COLLEGE LIFE STYLE TOO MUCH(DR… read more
Dr. Michael
Dr. Michael
Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
2,177 satisfied customers
My boyfriend whom I have been dating for one year and a half
My boyfriend whom I have been dating for one year and a half talks of getting married and backs out. I am 35 single mom divorced with two sons. He is 35 in feb. and never married and no children. He i… read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
My boyfriend is 24, im 21 and we have a nine month old
my boyfriend is 24, im 21 and we have a nine month old daughter, and he also have a 5 year old daughter. we have been together for 2 years now. He is goin thru a lot of court stuff to see his daughter… read more
Kevin Kappler
Kevin Kappler
Clinical Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
353 satisfied customers
Im a 36 yr old woman with 3 kids, married for 12 yrs to the
im a 36 yr old woman with 3 kids, married for 12 yrs to the one and only man in my life since i was 15yrs old. he spoils me and gives me everything i want and need. ive only loved him m whole life and… read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
I am 40 years old and changed my entire life over a year
Hi, I am 40 years old and changed my entire life over a year ago. I became involved with a childhood friend (who later became my close friend in high school and college, not romantically). i have been… read more
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Adjunct Professor
Master's Degree
1,014 satisfied customers
I met the greatest guy March 26 of this year. He was
I met the greatest guy March 26 of this year. He was recently divorced with a 11 and 22 year old. I met his 11 year old about a month after I met him. She seemed shy but did go places with us. We deci… read more
Ask Eleanor
Ask Eleanor
Psychotherapist Family Therapist Author
Master's Degree
62 satisfied customers
For olsen. i am trying to get off orientation so i took a
hi for steven olsen. i am trying to get off orientation so i took a full district of pts by myself. it was quiet in the er as it has been the last few days except to either break me or to haze me or t… read more
Steven Olsen
Steven Olsen
Therapist
Master's Degree
1,728 satisfied customers
For olsen. so im sure you know my mother in law called and
hi for steven olsen. so im sure you know my mother in law called and told us that robs dad has shingles. which according to her and their doctor, isnt contagious. we kind of had a go at it. and it was… read more
Steven Olsen
Steven Olsen
Therapist
Master's Degree
1,728 satisfied customers
I have a hard time forgiving and i wish i could just forget
i have a hard time forgiving and i wish i could just forget things that have happened in the past couple years. my mom and her husband almost have this hate towards my husband and its eating at me bec… read more
Dr. Michael
Dr. Michael
Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
2,177 satisfied customers
I dated a man for 2 years, the last year we dated we lived
I dated a man for 2 years, the last year we dated we lived together. Let me start from the beginning. We met through a mutual friend.... My ex was an artist and I share that passion so my friend thoug… read more
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Adjunct Professor
Master's Degree
1,014 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x