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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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Behaviors: never answer a direct question, instead would say

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Behaviors: never answer a direct question, instead would say 'here is what I will do', silent treatment a lot, would always change the subject of discussion often by criticizing me, circular conversations, would interrupt & lose his temper when I was calm & logical, reason would not work, would say 'I don't care if I am illogical', would get angry when I wouldn't, would pay me back money in small increments dragging it out, I cancelled a date saying I was tired he said he would be tired the whole next week, said I wasn't good because I didn't encourage him to eat better, said I must see him 3 times a week no less, he would tell me how to say things what to say, would compare me to previous girlfriends, word play, like telling me that ‘accusing’, ‘texting’, ‘saying’, ‘meaning’, were all ‘different’, changed his Facebook status to single after we had been intimate & denied it even tho he knew I looked at his page, did it to anger me, demanded long periods of avoidance after losing temper
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 2 years ago.
This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.
Hello, I believe I may be able to help you with your question. You definitely are correct that this individual is displaying passive-aggressiveness towards you. He acts like this to manipulate, intimidate, and control the situation and to right a perceived wrong as well. It is very likely this man may have traits of a personality disorder or a full personality disorder based on your description, but I think it would be best for you to end the relationship and move forward as there is a low likelihood he will change. Usually behavior like this is ingrained and part of the person's identity, and also he probably does not feel like he needs to change since in his mind everyone else is wrong, but him. For him, the behavior is about holding power over others as he has to be in control and has to manipulate any situation to what he wants. When you stopped reacting to his passive-aggressive behavior, that caused him frustration that he was no longer in control and could not manipulate you anymore, which is why he reacted with pure aggression and anger to try to intimidate you.
I hope this answers your questions and gives you some guidance on this issue. Overall I believe you are better off without this man in your life as his behavior would only worsen over time and truly cause you more psychological harm and distress. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns as I am happy to assist and support you regarding this issue.
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