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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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I really need advice about my childhood abuse affecting my

Customer Question

Hi my name is ***** ***** really need advice about my childhood sexual abuse affecting my marriage.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 2 years ago.
This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.
Hello, may I ask what is your specific mental health question that you would like to ask concerning your past childhood sexual abuse and your current marriage?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi it's rannia again, I just sent a msg regarding my sexual abuse ruining my marriage. I also wanted to add, when I was 15 my father forced me to chat to my 1st cousin, who I did not find attraction to at all. He was 11 yrs older than me and by 16 yrs
old I was married overseas to my cousin and only my grandmother and 6yr old sister were with me so I had no say in the matter cause my father said to me' you have to marry him cause we can't tell every guy asking for your hand about what happen to you. But
apparently my father told my cousin what happen and he still wanted to marry me. I never wanted it from the beginning and told my cousin that but I was scared and shy, then he started crying and begging me to marry him and I just kept remembering my father.
Then when he arrived to Australia I told him again and my father no one would listen. Then we had the Australian wedding when I was 18. I was always unhappy and angry with my dad and everything and hated anyone touching me in any way. After I was married at
18 we had 4 kids and the was always problems and still is today , I feel lost and still so much anger and resentment towards my father for not listeningto me and now I've got 4 kids ages 10 , 8, 5, 3 and a half ,my 5yr old and 3 and a half old have autisum
spectrum disorder. I'm 29 yrs old and still hate my husband touching me every time and I don't know what to do with my life and I feel selfish to break up my family but I'm drowning too it's upsetting and depressing and no one understands how I feel inside
and at the moment I'm roll playing just to get by everyday I'm soooo confused wondering if I should stay for the kids or end it for good and have my kids hate me.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for your description, as it helps me to better understand the entirety of your situation. I am very sorry that you were put in this situation and that you have suffered with this for so long with no one listening. Obviously no matter what I say the decision is always going to be up to you, as this involves your life and the lives of your children. From what you told me though, I do not believe it would be healthy for you to stay in this marriage as your unhappiness has only become worse and worse over the years into a state of depression. This depression does not only impact your life, but it also impacts the lives of your children as well because as your depression worsens it will have an impact on your relationship with your children. I know that you love your children and do not want to harm them in anyway, but indirectly you may be harming them as your psyche can only take this depression for so long until you seek help and escape from this situation in regards ***** ***** husband. In addition, do you want the same thing to happen to your children that happened to you? I do not believe you do and by staying in this marriage, you may be sending that message to them that what happened to you was "right," when in fact it was abuse and should never have happened to you or anyone else. I do not think your children will hate you if you end the marriage because you are still going to be there supporting them emotionally and loving them unconditionally...and even if they are upset or confused about the situation, you still may have just saved them in a way they may never know.
I hope this answers your question on what you can do in terms of the future. Like I said the decision is always going to be up to you, but I feel that if you stay in this marriage, which was forced on you, your depression will only worsen and it will impact you and the children in a negative way. If you break free and achieve independence on your own than it can reinvigorate you and that can have a positive effect on you and the children. Either way I wish you all the best, ***** ***** what decision you make.
My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime. If I answered your question satisfactorily I would very much appreciate if you could rate my performance in helping you so that I can get credit for this question. Thank you very much