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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1379
Experience:  Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
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Please help me, I'm losing hope in my self, I'm 25 yo male,

Customer Question

Hello, please help me, I'm losing hope in my self, I'm 25 yo male, Before December of 2014, I had health anxiety (mild) fear of diseases, and Social Anxiety, I sit alone in my room alot on my laptop, I don't get bored, last December, I had a mild panic attack in the car caused by feeling out of breath while singing, I thought nothing of it because I had dealt with a panic attack in 2011 and some anxiety but I overcame it within few months back then.
after that panic attack in December, I got 2 more (also mild) panic attacks in the same month.
in new year's day, Jan 1, 2015 i traveled for college, I was nervous a bit because of the social anxiety but wasn't on the edge or anything, in the airport i had feeling of nervousness and was short of breath, in the plane I had a VERY severe panic attack and thought that if I had un-diagnosed asthma I might die on the plane, after making a fuss, flight attendance help I calmed down, while in college (was there only for 3 weeks- mini course), i had 2 panic attacks, and devolved weird anxiety thinking that I never had before, the thinking was:
-what if I jump out of the hotel room's balcony without me wanting to? what if I sleep-walk and jump without realizing it? (I was staying at a hotel) so I made sure to lock the balcony's door so I wouldn't jump in my sleep!
in bed, trying to sleep, I began thinking weird thoughts, such as: "what If I stop breathing? what if I tell my subconscious brain to stop breathing and my nervous system act on it and I stop breathing? Crazy I know!
I kind of brushed the off and after that I stopped having them, I couldn't wait to come back home, came back, had plenty of panic attacks just a day after coming back (all while driving), my friend reassured me that I'm fine, (it was mainly on my breathing).
after that I just stopped driving, and after that I just let my friends drive whenever I go out, I started having panic attack even when they were driving, it was very hard!
I stopped going out all together! stayed home and would only jog outside my neighbor hood, couldn't believe it, I had a panic attack while I was walking just few steps away from home! that's when I became agoraphobic, stayed home for about a month and a half straight.
I gave up, and would only invite friends over so we can watch a movie and chat and have dinner, one day, my fiend insisted we go out for fresh air, even thought I was scared I said yes, I just wanted to confront the fear, in the car (he's driving) just as we have gone few blocks away from home, I had a panic attack! but this was different, it wasn't because of breathing, it was because of a weird thought that suddenly popped that I may go crazy-lose contact with reality! I don't know why the thought popped up! first thing I did was grab my friend's hand! as to assure myself that he was real! it was the scariest thing! (btw I don't drink, do drugs or take any meds) I was really scared that night, I called my father to come home so I can ask for help because I felt desperate.
I told him everything and he began to lecture me about how my "social isolation" is maybe causing this and that I need to act more "manly" so I can feel normal in social situation and avoid stares, perceived as "normal" etc..(I'm gay btw and he knows it, plus I have somewhat of a feminine look) so I guess that's why he told me to not shave and such, plus he told me to join the family during dinners, gatherings and stuff as I mainly stay in my room because of social anxiety. he also told me to start working in his office so that I can keep a bust lifestyle, I wasn't doing anything before going to the mini-course college in December, I was mainly in my room on my laptop watching movies, trailers, movie news, youtube videos, fun reading pages plus social media sites.
in 2010, 2011 and 2012 I tried going to college but got out due to my social anxiety..
anyway I followed his advice and said to myself that I would do anything to get out of this hell-pit, I kept my facial hair, started working in his office, got out of the house more, and remained positive. it still didn't go away.
after I rebuild-ed my self I was Ok for a while, though I still obsessed about clinical depression and suicide and I kept reading about it non-stop.
fast forward to now, I'm feeling detached, confused, and depressed a bit, just yesterday, I don't why i typed in google schizophrenia, and I today I begun asking my self very weird scary questions:
-am I real?
-is life real?
-is this a dream?
the more I read the more I'm terrified! please help. is the panic-anxiety I had few months ago now developing into schizophrenia or another mental illness? I am absolutely terrified.
just last year I had nothing but some social anxiety and Hypochondria now I am feeling that I'm just going completely insane. :(
thank you, ***** ***** the long post.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 2 years ago.
This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.
Hello, I believe I may be able to help you with your concern. I am sorry that you are having this issue with your anxiety, I can understand how distressing this can possibly be for you. I would like to ask you a few questions to get a better idea of what you are looking for, so that I can better assist you.
1. I can understand that you are looking for help and I read your entire description, but what exactly is your mental health question that you require assistance with? Are you asking if you are developing Schizophrenia or another type of disorder?
2. What treatments are you currently on or have tried in the past for these issues?