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It has taken me 6 years of bottled up emotion to even

attempt to reach out. I'm...
It has taken me 6 years of bottled up emotion to even attempt to reach out. I'm petrified of the where this will lead if I take the path I feel I should. Tonight something happened to me. I feel like some sort of tether in my mind has broken. I cried for hours on end and I felt for the whole time that I was but an impulse away from ending my life. I don't think I want to commit suicide. I have always felt that this would cause those who care about me more pain than I could ever imagine. But nonetheless, I hardly seem to be able escape the thoughts.
I have a regular and happy exterior, I have plenty if friends who all think highly of me (or so they say) but I can't help but feel completely and utterly alone. It has been a long time since I felt this way and I thought I had overcome it. A few years ago I used to feel like this on and off very regularly. In terms of my behavior, I would be visibly sad and mopey and I would feel like this for no apparent reason. Other times I would be energetic even to the point of hyperactive. I would say and do things I normally wouldn't to the point that friends would sometimes tell me to chill out and stop being wierd or annoying. Even since these feelings have become apparently dampened, I am never without an ambivalent attitude. I care little for things that I know I should and the proverbial spilt milk makes me far more emotional than it should. I often look at strangers and get overcome by feelings of pity and sadness. I think I look at them and pretend they feel the same way. I have so much more I could say about it but I feel like I've scraped enough of the surface for now. What do I do? I know it's not normal to have these feelings, but is there something wrong with me? Or am I be melodramatic?
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Answered in 5 minutes by:
11/12/2013
Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10,643
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Verified
Dr. Z :

Hello

Dr. Z :

I believe I can help you with your concern

Dr. Z :

Please give me a couple minutes to read over your question thoroughly so that I can better assist you

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry that you exhibiting these symptoms currently, I can understand how this would distress you

Dr. Z :

It sounds like from your symptoms that you have a depressive disorder that is very serious as you had an impulse to end your life recently. Also binge drinking is a form of self-medicating to help you cope, but in face alcohol is a depressant and actually makes your symptoms worse

Dr. Z :

I would like to recommend some therapeutic techniques that can help you through this, but I would also like to encourage you to see a therapist as well, so that you have someone to talk to you and have the support of. The best type and most evidence based therapy to help with these symptoms is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT has a premise that your symptoms are caused by negative thoughts, so if we change your thought process to be more positive and objective as well, then your symptoms will lessen.

Dr. Z :

So this link may help you, it contains a technique I use with patients called a thought record. It will help you keep track of any negative thoughts you have. You put the negative thought on paper, the emotion accompanying, the evidence to support it, and the evidence against it. Then I want you to come up with an alternative thought for the situation (more objective and plausible). This will help you change your way of thinking to be able to think more positive and not automatically go to a negative type of thinking.

Dr. Z :

In addition, these two worksheets are very good at helping lessen depressive symptoms. It can help you focus on the big picture and the objective/positive thoughts and outcomes.

Dr. Z :

Also individuals with severe depression have a poor coping mechanism, so this worksheet will help you develop a better coping strategy to manage your symptoms better.

Dr. Z :

Individuals with a depressive disorder also may have low self-confidence, so this technique will help you replace any self-critical thoughts that you may have with more positive self-beliefs.

Dr. Z :

I would also like to recommend these two books as well

Dr. Z :

Now because therapy is a gradual process and takes time to be effective, I would like to recommend some medication that you can ask your Prescribing physician or a psychiatrist about. I think Escitalopram at 10-20mg would be very effective for you as it is a SSRI antidepressant, is fast acting, and has minimal side effects.

Dr. Z :

Now you really focused on depression and sadness in your question, but you did mention a brief overlay of "hyperactivity," can you describe that in more detail for me. How long does this hyperactivity last for you?

Customer: It varies. It is not often long, in the order of hours or days.
Dr. Z :

Do you sense that hyperactivity cycles for you between hyperactive and depression?

Customer: I meant hyperactive in the colloquial sense not necessarily the psychological sense. I don't know if it cycles, I haven't recorded the frequency etc. I've always felt like there is something minor that will sende
Customer: *send me one way or the other, as I mentioned in my initial question. It seems to be the minor things that I react to.
Dr. Z :

Well then this does sound like a depressive disorder then. I was concerned there for a minute about the term hyperactivity that you used and wanted to ask those questions as sometimes it could be indicative of Bipolar Disorder, but if you are reacting to environmental stimuli in the way you described then most likely this is a depressive disorder

Dr. Z :

The techniques and medication should help you greatly with these symptoms

Dr. Z :

Do you have any questions or concerns?

Customer: Thanks for the help. I don't really want to take medication. I will be fine if I can stop drinking and think things through. I just wanted validation.
Dr. Z :

Well there are natural supplements that can help too, but not as effective as the medication. They are St. Johns Wort and Omega-3 (Fish Oil), so you can try those two natural supplements and pick them up at any local grocery store

Customer: Yea I currently take fish oil. I will try St. John's wort. How do I go about trying to talk to people about this?
Dr. Z :

Other people like your friends and co-workers, or are you asking how to talk to a therapist about this?

Customer: Friends. I can say to a therapist more or less what I have said to you, it is just a matter of of picking up the courage to do so. With my friends, I haven't a clue where to start. And that is partly why I feel so alone.
Dr. Z :

Well with friends you can tell them when you are ready, but you can start by saying that you have started to see a therapist to help with some depressive issues that you have been struggling with for some time. You did not know how to bring it up or if it was "normal" for you to feel this way, but recently you felt that you should see a professional to help with these symptoms.

Dr. Z :

That can be a good way to start if you wanted to tell your friends

Dr. Z :

But I would recommend going to therapy first and talking with your therapist on how to tell your friends. Then you both can discuss scenarios on what to tell your friends and what you may not feel comfortable telling them

Customer: That sounds good. Thank you for the help doctor z, I think I need to try and sleep
Dr. Z :

I understand, I am happy that I was able to help you tonight. I wish you all the best with your future treatment. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime. Before you sign off though, I would very much appreciate if you could rate my performance in helping you so that I can get credit for this question. Thank you very much

Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10,643
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Verified
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Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10,643
10,643 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.

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