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Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this frustrating and concerning situation
Could you please tell me for how long has he been presenting violent behavior at school, and what have school staff been reporting about each one of those incidents?
This situation has culminated in the asking for him to be removed from school today. Do you have any ideas of what this could be
The two episodes you described bullying, and when a child is being abused, for sure that becoming angry and acting this feeling out, when without the right protection and support would be a normal reaction, not nice or healthy but normal for anybody in his shoes
Fairly early on in his School life but the outbursts seem to have escalted in this academic year
How have you and school staff been addressing this chronic issue since present all this long?
Since this is not an isolated episode which are the common factors -pattern present in all these episodes, once he is absolutely fine at home and at every other setting but at school.
Tis is the feeling I have put to his school but they insist that atleast 80% of all out birsts are unprovoked
Has he always been in the same school?
How could it be that the very two times you were there to witness his behavior you also saw how he was being abused then?
The feeling from school is yes but obviously as time goes by the level of aggression has escalted.
It does not make much sense for a child who is absolutely fine at home and at every other place , to become violent at school without any good reason, and the two times you observed this behaviors he was being abused. The there is something wrong with the way the school staff are handling this.
has there been any problems, challenges or changes at home-family, in your marital relationship, finances, another sibling, or from any other source that could have triggered these behaviors?
The Times . Mentioned were at a local invloving mixed age range group of children and mot in his sxhool enviroment and I stopped both incedents and explained how his actions were wrong
What have been the consequences he has had to afford after each one of this incidents, how have you tried to promote his understanding and change for more acceptable coping-behaviors?
We have had another son but include our eldest in everything and he dotes on his little brother who is15 months old. The escalation has been within 3 months but the nehaviour has been the same at school since day one
The fact that at home he is a healthy and pacific, person, with stable mood, good coping and behaviors, while at school he acts violently, %80 without any good reason to explain such behavior does not make sense.
The two events I witnessed his time at the park was cut short and we sat and talked about other ways for him to deal with those situations
If there are not problems or challenges whatsoever at home, there is no destructive conflict, dysfunction, abuse or neglect at home at all, where he behaves perfectly well, but has been doing the oposite at school it means the problems' root should be at school.
Both times he was left happy and seemed fully ware of the imlipcations and showed full remorse
The best way to approach this would be for you to find an experienced child psychotherapist to support him and you as parents, working with the school psychologist and staff in order to prevent these behaviors from happening and for coping with them as soon as they arise. Since the school is not allowing him to get back. I believe it would be much better for him to start at a new school, where the environment and people were not contaminated by past episodes.
If you do monitor and get effective professional support, with child psychotherapist working with school psychologist and staff as a team, then you would be able to identify the core issues leading to these violent behaviors and address them right away with necessary professional support.
I will aproach this subject in the pre-planned meeting we are attendimg tomorrow. This meeting was planned last week nefore todays incident where they requested his exclusion
He is a very smart, polite and well mannered boy, then these behaviors just do not match such healthy personality-functioning. This is why effective intervention is essential in order to support your son.
School is accountable for making full investigation and psychological evaluation-report in order to have a clear understanding of what and why happened each one of these episodes.
let's be proactive and see what they have to say and offer in tomorrow's meeting. From what you and your spouse see there, you would decide what's the best next step to support your son.
I have been of the same feeling as yourself but I feel the other children as a group are pulling the wool over the teachers eys with my son an easy scape goat due to his excessive reactions
Tomorrow you would report the last incident, what truly happened for them to reconsider and reassess the whole situation, and take proactive steps about it.
That's a nightmare.
I can tell you with certainty that when things get like this, most times it is wiser and healthier too consider another new, better school, and work in the new, uncontaminated environment from the very beginning to prevent, and control the development of any similar behavior, with the support of a good child psychotherapist working with school staff.
I only get that feeling due to the caginess of the few children he has had incidents with when I am by his side. I must insist this mot behaviour he displays with all children in his class but mere a small percentage
That would confirm how these behaviors have been triggered by negative behaviors and nor spontaneous meanness or willingness to cause harm at all, but a reaction to what seems to be pushing him there.
I think that if they were truly open and willing to support your son, they would offer concrete solutions through strategies to implement to promote these changes. If you offer this plan about getting a good child psychotherapist to support you and them, That would be the best you could do about it, everything else would depend on their competence and willingness to do a good and ethical job as educators.
Does it make sense?
Thamk you for your advice for putting my mind at ease that this is not a mental health problem
You're very welcome. I truly hope this situation evolves the best possible way with the right approach and support.
My feelimgs on this have mirrored your own I just wanted to take all expert advice available so I know I"ve done my part in helpimg my son through this problem
I understand and support you, as parents, that's the best you and your spouse could to for your son.