How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask Dr. Z Your Own Question
Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
74815544
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Dr. Z is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Pls help me as I have no one to talk to, and nowhere else to

This answer was rated:

Pls help me as I have no one to talk to, and nowhere else to turn.
My husband left me and our 2 children 2 months ago, saying that he does not love me and that he wants a divorce immediately. 18 mos ago he told me that he was not happy in our marriage, and that he has not agreed with anything that has happened for the 17 years of our marriage. He agrees that he has never said anything b/c "normal people would know, and not need to be told". We went to counseling for 8 months, where he said that he thinks that I have borderline personality disorder, as he has had books come that he has hid in his office, and that I am just like them. Since them our marriage has been up and down, but I have not been able to let go that he thinks I am abnormal, crazy and have a personality disorder. I have suffered from depression for several years, but since finding anti-depressants that work, I have been doing great. As a matter of fact, my husband would say to me 4-5 times a week for the last 5 or 6 years (prior to his revealing that he has never been happy) that " We have never been so happy!" and "You have never been better!" I believed him, and never had a thought that what he was saying wasn't true.
Since he left, I have been to see a psychotherapist, who has determined that I do NOT have BPD, nor any other personality disorder. He feels that my husband just dislikes my personality.
I have two children - a son 14, and a daughter 10, who are devastated. I am worried sick about them, and the effect this will have on them. I am afraid my husband is going to try to take them away because he will say I am unstable.
My husband has been telling me for years that I am abnormal, and that my own family can't stand me. My parents, especially my dad, have been a great support to me since he left, but my dad suffers from severe Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. He finds the strain of my marriage falling apart, and the worry about my children too much to bear almost.
Today, my world fell apart.
My whole family was at my parents for Sunday dinner, and my daughter and 2 nieces wanted to go to a craft fair that was finishing today. My husband called and wanted to take my son with him. I said OK. My sister then said to send all of the kids to the craft fair with my husband, as he could get them in for free. I said No, I would take them. My sister said no, let your husband take them all. I said no again, b/c I felt that if he has left me, that my family should be loyal and not include him in family plans as they always did. I was upset, and my mother and sister were also upset. My sister then took all the kids and gave them to my husband and said "I don't care what you say, I will do what I want with my kids. I don't blame you for leaving her."
My mom agreed with my sister. My dad could see my point but he then got very upset and sick and had a breakdown. My mother says that I am awful and told me to get out, as I have done unspeakable things to my family and am killing my father - if he dies it will be my fault.
I just can't take the stress, guilt and blame anymore. I can't go on. I can think of nothing to do only leave - I am not worth anything to anyone. But, I don't know how I can leave my children. I love them more than life - but maybe they would be better off without me in their lives. I have tried so hard to be a good wife and mother, but I am nothing but a failure. Suicide is not an option for me, as I have been raised to believe that killing yourself is a sin, and that life on earth is not worth eternity in hell. But, I wish that I didn't believe that.
I don't see any other option than to leave my kids and family, and try to finish out my life somewhere else. I don't really have any questions for you, I just needed someone to talk to. Thank-you for listening.
Dr. Z :

Hello

Dr. Z :

I believe I can help you with your concern.

Dr. Z :

Please give me a couple minutes to read over your whole question, so that I can better assist you today

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry that you are going through this, I can imagine from the tone in your question that you are under a great deal of stress and of course we can talk about this

Dr. Z :

I think it is unfair that your family did not support you through this and instead are blaming you for something your husband did

Dr. Z :

And I would not worry too much about your husband taking away your children because you have a psychotherapist who confirmed that you do not have BPD and thus you are stable.

Customer:

Thank-you.

Dr. Z :

I think you are under an enormous amount of stress, depression, and anxiety, but then again who would not be in this situation. This is a normal reaction to what you are going through

Dr. Z :

I do not think leaving your children and family will be the best option for you because I think your children need you right now

Customer:

My family says that it is not, that I bring everything on myself.

Dr. Z :

From what I read, I do not think that is the case. It was your husband's choice to leave instead of working with you through counseling to help you both repair the marriage and grow stronger together

Customer:

My family and my husband say that I everything I do is wrong and that I am damaging my children irreparably.

Dr. Z :

I am sorry that they feel that way, but your therapist does not think that and your therapist is a professional in this

Customer:

You say "I do not think that is the case" - to what are you referring?

Dr. Z :

I do not think that everything you do is wrong and that you are damaging your children. I think you are doing everything in your power to support your children and help them through this difficult time.

Dr. Z :

So I do not think that you are "bringing everything" on yourself here. I think your husband has to be blamed for a large part of this because he is the one that abruptly left

Customer:

I am trying. I wish my family would support me. How will I deal with it if something happens to my father b/c of the stress I have put on him?

Dr. Z :

Well first off you cannot blame yourself for your Father's condition because he had PTSD not because of you and the stress of your marriage was not your fault, but your husband's undoing. I want to show you this technique that may be able to help you in regards ***** ***** shared responsibility instead of putting too much blame on yourself.

Customer:

I will look at that, thanks. What do I do from here? I see my therapist on Weds, but I don't know how I am going to get through tonight, let alone till Weds. I just can't deal with the overwhelming feelings that I have here now - I feel desperate, and don't know aht to do.

Dr. Z :

Well I can show you some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques that may be able to help you. This is the most proven and evidence based therapy modality to treat anxiety and depressive symptoms. CBT has a premise that your symptoms are caused by negative thoughts, so if we change your thought process to be more positive and objective as well, then your symptoms will lessen.

Dr. Z :

Also there are some medications that can help to calm you down right now, and those are usually benzodiazepines like Ativan, Xanax, or Klonopin if you would like to get one of those from a doctor

Customer:

I am willing to try anything.

Dr. Z :

So this link may help you, it contains a technique I use with patients called a thought record. It will help you keep track of any negative thoughts you have. You put the negative thought on paper, the emotion accompanying, the evidence to support it, and the evidence against it. Then I want you to come up with an alternative thought for the situation (more objective and plausible). This will help you change your way of thinking to be able to think more positive and not automatically go to a negative type of thinking.

Customer:

I would rather stay away from the drugs - but who knows? Maybe I have no other choice....

Dr. Z :

In addition, these two worksheets are very good at helping lessen anxiety and depressive symptoms. It can help you focus on the big picture and the objective/positive thoughts and outcomes.

Dr. Z :

Also individuals with severe anxiety and depression have a poor coping mechanism, so this worksheet will help you develop a better coping strategy to manage your symptoms better.

Dr. Z :

In addition these books may be helpful too

Customer:

I don't really have any coping mechanisim at all right now

Dr. Z :

These techniques will help you get a coping mechanism to help you through this.

Dr. Z :

If you do not like medications, which is understandable. How do you feel about natural supplements?

Customer:

I know you have very few details and background info, but in your opinion, do you think I was wrong to expect my family to not continue including my husband as always?

Customer:

I am not against natural supplements if they do not interfere with my anti-depressant medications.

Dr. Z :

Well for natural supplements you can take Omega-3 (Fish oil) and Glutamate and those will not interfere with your antidepressant medications.

Dr. Z :

I do not think you were wrong at all, but most importantly your husband should have communicated his desire ahead of time. He should not spring this up at the last minute.

Customer:

Thank-you - I will look into those supplements. And, thanks for the links. I will certainly look at them - I need all the assistance I can get.

Dr. Z :

Because he is separate from your family, a schedule must be drawn up ahead of time and adhered to regarding the children.

Dr. Z :

Anytime, is there anything else I can assist you with or that you would like to talk about?

Customer:

No, thank-you. It was just great to have someone to talk to. Without my husband and family I am on my own. I have been a stay home mom for 12 years, and don't have any close friends. Again, thank-you.

Dr. Z :

Anytime, I am glad that I was able to help you. I hope that this situation resolves soon and that your symptoms lessen swiftly for you. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.

Customer:

Thank-you.

Dr. Z :

You are most welcome :)

Dr. Z :

Oh and also when you finish rating me, this chat will be sent as a link to your email, if it has not already, so you can always use it for future reference. In addition, this chat will be saved in your JA account under My Questions so you can always go back to it when you need to

Customer:

Thank-you, I am sure that I will refer to it often. Have a lovely evening.

Dr. Z and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

Related Mental Health Questions