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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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My daugther just posted on facebook that they are moving to

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My daugther just posted on facebook that they are moving to Puerto Rico and taking my 3 grandkids with them. My granddaugther is 5 (has different father), my grandson is 2 and my other grandson is 9 months. I live in Florida. My daugther does not work. My future son-in-law (they live together) has a daugther who is about 7 or 8 that lives in Puerto Rico. He would only get to visit her once a year for a couple weeks because he mother will not let her travel to the U.S. unless she is with her. My daugther does not work (stay at home mom) my son-in-law only makes about $12 a hour so they are state assistance. They say that they are moving for a relationship with his daugther. But we know where they are living there was damage done to the manufactured home and the landlord is blaming them (they did not cause the leak underneath the house) and the landlord did not have the house insured as tenants living in it so it is not covered.
My daugther just posted that they are leaving don't know when to go live with his family in puerto rico. I don't have any other family that I speak to her except my parents and my husband. How do I cope losing seeing all 3 of my grandkids and daugther from several times a month to once a year if I am lucky (I am paying off debts and my job has not been stable - banking layoffs.
Dr. Z :

Hello I believe I can help you with your concern

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry that your daughter and grand-children will be leaving the country soon.

Customer:

thank you

Customer:

how do I deal with that loss?

Dr. Z :

May I ask have you talked to your daughter about this yet or are you just going off of her facebook post?

Customer:

only facebook. she didn't talk to me she just posted it on her facebook page and I confirmed that they are leaving but I don't know when.

Dr. Z :

Well definitely try to spend as much time with them as possible right now until they do leave, but I am sure you know that.

Dr. Z :

There will be a period of grief when they do leave and this is natural so do not try to fight it,but let it come. Here is a good worksheet on grief for you to understand.

Customer:

yeah i will

Dr. Z :

Also have you ever experienced this type of loss before?

Customer:

Ok. I understand it better to grieve. I at one time went to celebrate recovery for codepency. I can take a class then too

Customer:

No not this type of loss

Customer:

I don't have a lot of family connections because of dysfunction in the family and family members with alchol and drug problems

Customer:

Because of those problems I have walled myself off from relationships I am trying but having a hard time letting people in.

Customer:

I will read the link you provided

Dr. Z :

I understand, then I would also suggest possibly seeing a therapist to help you with this and help you prepare for this loss that you will experience. Taking a proactive approach can help lessen the pain when they are gone from your life.

Dr. Z :

Also there are some great family support groups that may help you as well

Customer:

Yeah that is a good idea. I went years ago I did a lot better my diagnosis was PTSD. I think I need to return. I have a new job (that is temporary hoping to return to my job in mortgage in March).

Customer:

I just got a lot going on at the same time. Yeah I think I need the support.

Dr. Z :

I think going back to therapy will help you a lot as a therapist is a good support for you and an ally that will help you through this.

Customer:

yeah i agree. It seems like the last couple years I keep having loses. It has effected my ability to connect to people for sure.

Customer:

Yeah I will sign back up to see the therapist.

Dr. Z :

I am sorry to hear that, but I think you can control this and not let these losses effect you greatly. If you worked on connecting with others, I think these loses will not hit you as hard and a good therapist can help you with that.

Dr. Z :

Here are some good books that may help you too

Customer:

Yeah I think you are right. I have started slowly back. It I assume is a fear of loss I figure if I don't connect deeply then I can't get hurt but I can't feel the love either.

Customer:

I suppose there is nothing I can do with my daugther and grandkids but wish them the best and try to visit Puerto Rico when I can.

Customer:

I will read the books. I love to read so I think it will help alot

Dr. Z :

And I am sure they will appreciate you a lot when you do visit them

Dr. Z :

These are very good books and will help

Customer:

How will my grandkids cope without having me their grandfather around?

Dr. Z :

Well children can adapt and adjust very well, while I am sure they will miss you greatly but they will learn to adjust. You can also write letters and keep in contact through phone or video chats too

Customer:

that is good that they adjust. Are the video chats for children somewhat effective as showing them that you are still committed to them?

Dr. Z :

Yes they are very effective for extended family members to maintain communication and show love/support when they are physically separated.

Customer:

ok. I imagine their move to bring my son-in-law's daughter back with her father regularly will be life changing for her. I see that as positive. I will work I guess on what I can do here. I guess I have been blessed too with the time I have had.

Dr. Z :

I think that is a good positive attitude and that will help you cope with this, but I feel you will get through this.

Customer:

ok. thank you for your time.

Dr. Z :

Anytime, I am always happy to help. I hope it all works out well for you. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.

Customer:

ok thank you. You did provide excellent service. Have a good night. Thanks.

Dr. Z :

You are most welcome :)

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