Mental Health

Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Mental Health
This answer was rated:

I am in a new relationship after a very time of having a

I am in a new...
I am in a new relationship after a very long time of having a live-in relationship. I haven't actually "dated" in over 12 years and am a "youngish" 67 years old. I love being with this new man and we get along very well. While I seem to have lost my ability to feel that sexy, hot feeling when with someone you are turned onto, I absolutely love being with him in every way. We have amazing sex but I can't seem to reach an orgasm like I usuall can which is orally. He has been understanding and open...what can I do, he says. Now I'm getting worried he'll tire of trying and leave. He is 7 years younger. I always go out with younger men but not on purpose, it just happens! I am too self-conscious to do what he asks which is "do yourself." I can have an O that way, however, by myself, so I know my "parts are working." I had breast cancer blamed on hormones. Stopped taking them but am back on natural HRT. Went through a lot of emotional trauma in last 3 years. My counselor said my body could be in shock, akin to PTSD (I dream about some of what happened over and over). I so want to get better and let this happen between us. Last night he said he wasn't going to have an O again until I did. Then he added...oh, what pressure (for you). I asked if we could focus less on it for awhile...just do it for less time b/c the longer he tries, the more frustrated I become. I will add I was with a man who could make me have the best and biggest O orally every time. He "knew" my body and so I think he spoiled me rotten. Is there hope? I'm taking supplements that are supposed to help but nothing seems to, other than me, alone. I don't want that at all. I want him in my life. He is a very busy man but I am retired, tho I stay busy. So our time together is somewhat limited, also b/c he lives in another county 30+ minutes away. He also has a child he spends time with every other weekend and one day a week. My problem weighs heavy on my mind while I am otherwise so happy with this new and wonderful man in my life. Help! Should I consult regularly with a sex therapist in my town? Do I need a higher does of hormones?
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Answered in 1 minute by:
10/22/2013
Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10,643
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Verified
Dr. Z :

Hello I believe I can help you with your concern

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry that you are having this issue with your libido and having sex with your partner, I can imagine how distressful this must be for you

Dr. Z :

Orgasms during sexual intercourse can get more difficult as we age this is not unusual, but because you can reach an orgasm through manual stimulation this is a good sign.

Dr. Z :

I think consulting with your sex therapist is a good idea, but I also would like to mention an antidepressant called Wellbutrin that can help you with your self-conscious issues and also can increase libido and help you achieve orgasms easier

JACUSTOMER-ls1thnba- :

That's all you can advise me?

Dr. Z :

Wellbutrin has been shown to help women achieve orgasms very successfully and is safer to use than hormones.

Dr. Z :

Here is a small article explaining the use of Wellbutrin for this instance

JACUSTOMER-ls1thnba- :

Ohhh...sorry, I did not see the part about Wellbutrin. I will ask my doctor when I see him Friday...he is not sex therapist but a Ph.d who can prescribe antidepressants. I agree re safety of using hormones...I don't like taking them. Thank you for the link. I apologize for my first response but the answer shows up in such a small window, only one line at a time appears.

Dr. Z :

Its okay and I was typing slowly too

JACUSTOMER-ls1thnba- :

How long will the Wellbutrin take to become effective..the usual 4 weeks or so?

Dr. Z :

Wellbutrin is very successful in helping to enhance a woman's sex life, especially older woman too.

Dr. Z :

Usually 4-6 weeks to start noticing the benefits and then 8-12 weeks to get the maximum benefits of it

JACUSTOMER-ls1thnba- :

I think I may have shut down in some ways when I experienced the trauma (loss of loved ones, family/estate issues involving hatred from them toward me and having to hire an attorney, to try to encapsulate it). While I am not feeling "hot and the usual titallating feelings" when we are in bed, I am totally "into" it all, especially when he talks to and compliments me. I'm not faking it but it's jusr different than the usual "heat." I think maybe I may be having a "normal" relationship for once in my life!

Dr. Z :

Well that is great that you are in a normal relationship that is a good sign. Yeah you may be going through that shock from the trauma and I think seeing a therapist will definitely help with that for the long term, but I think the Wellbutrin can jump start things as it will benefit your psychological symptoms and also will benefit your physical ones too (e.g. orgasm). Then after some time when the therapy really starts to be more effective, you can choose to wean off the Wellbutrin as you may not need it anymore. The Wellbutrin is just mean to get you over this "hill" you are facing right now.

JACUSTOMER-ls1thnba- :

OK, will ask my doc on Friday for some, I am sure he will agree. Would you say the fact I want to please this man in every way (as well as myself, too..I'm not stupid! and I so enjoy his touch and everything, even tho that usual intensity isn't totally there.....am I faking it tp feel loved and appreciated after so long of not being so? I don't think so b/c I look forward to being with him again and hate it when he leaves.

Dr. Z :

No I think you said it yourself that you are in a normal relationship where this man truly appreciates you for who you are and that makes you a little nervous and self-conscious because you are not used to this and this may effect your physical intimacy with him. But I think that you do like this man a lot and this is only temporary as you better adjust and adapt to this relationship

JACUSTOMER-ls1thnba- :

OK, one more Q, if you will: Should I see a sex therapist specifically or should I stay with counselor I see now who is not sex therapist and I don't think she feel comfortable going there...not her area of expertise, I guess is why.

Dr. Z :

Then yes see a sex therapist as they are more qualified to discuss these issues and to help you more with them.

Dr. Z :

Sex therapists typically go through rigorous post-graduate training and this is why they are more qualified in this area.

JACUSTOMER-ls1thnba- :

I clicked Save & Exit but I don't see where it is saved.

Dr. Z :

Oh actually you have to press the smiley faces at the bottom to rate me and exit this chat.

Dr. Z :

And also when you finish rating me, this chat will be sent as a link to your email, if it has not already, so you can always use it for future reference. In addition, this chat will be saved in your JA account under My Questions so you can always go back to it when you need to

JACUSTOMER-ls1thnba- :

K, will do.

Dr. Z :

Thank you I do appreciate it, unless you had any more questions or concerns that I can assist you with today?

JACUSTOMER-ls1thnba- :

No thank you. I just want to be able to access it and you said it's on the JA site so that's all for now. It really helped.

Dr. Z :

Anytime, I am happy that I was able to help you and I hope that this treatment plan works well for you. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.

JACUSTOMER-ls1thnba- :

I will, thanks again Dr. Z

Dr. Z :

You are most welcome :)

Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10,643
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Verified
Dr. Z and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask Dr. Z Your Own Question
Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10,643
10,643 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.

Dr. Z is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much

Corrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well!

ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion.

KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
I feel better already! Thank you.

ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.

JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions.

John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!!

Janet VPhoenix, AZ

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Dr. Keane

Dr. Keane

Therapist

1,379 satisfied customers

Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

TherapistMarryAnn

TherapistMarryAnn

Therapist

3,984 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

Dr. Olsen

Dr. Olsen

Psychologist

2,336 satisfied customers

PsyD Psychologist

Norman M.

Norman M.

Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

2,246 satisfied customers

ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Dr. Michael

Dr. Michael

Psychologist

2,177 satisfied customers

Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.

Steven Olsen

Steven Olsen

Therapist

1,728 satisfied customers

More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Anna

Anna

Mental Health Professional

1,656 satisfied customers

Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.

< Previous | Next >

Related Mental Health Questions
I am having terrible guilt and shame about things I did in
I am having terrible guilt and shame about things I did in my past which have suddenly come to my consciousness - when I was about 16 I was extremely sexual and ended up sniffing knickers on a number … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
717 satisfied customers
Leah,I had a question I did get to mention yesterday..the
Hi Leah,I had a question I did get to mention yesterday..the thread was getting a bit to long anyway lol… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
717 satisfied customers
I did ask a male professional earlier about my problem, but
I did ask a male professional earlier about my problem, but it would be great to get a female psychologists view also. My husband and I have not had sex in 6 years. He had a mild stroke 5 years ago, b… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
721 satisfied customers
My husband call me a, he did it today. I told him under no
My husband call me a bitch, he did it today. I told him under no circumstances do you have the right to call a woman a bitch. He also tells me that I am miserable. Everytime he starts a fight. … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
717 satisfied customers
Its kind of imbarrising.. I did realize I could chat to some
its kind of imbarrising.. I did realize I could chat to some one on here … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
My doctor switched me from sertraline to viibryd. I did one
My doctor switched me from sertraline to viibryd. I did one week of 10 mg, then 2 weeks of 20 mg, now back to 10mg so I can switch back to sertraline. I don't like viibryd. How can I safely switch bac… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
203 satisfied customers
Dear Dr. Keane, just a quick message to say that I did not
Dear Dr. Keane, just a quick message to say that I did not get that job, enough time has passed by to now know this. I've plenty to say, but not plenty of time this week as my gran is now visiting, so… read more
Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane
Therapist
Doctoral Degree
1,379 satisfied customers
I was dx with add, ocd tendencies and anxiety 10 years ago.
I was dx with add, ocd tendencies and anxiety 10 years ago. I stopped the adderal.meds bc if the crash they caused. I hear there is a time release that works good but in a new state and need doc tnst … read more
llw26
llw26
Private Practice
Doctoral Degree
11 satisfied customers
I have a friend who says she has DID but she doesn't meet
I have a friend who says she has DID but she doesn't meet the criteria. Her alters are dead people. Mostly characters from Movies or Musicals like Phantom of the Opera. Would this behavior be a sympto… read more
llw26
llw26
Private Practice
Doctoral Degree
11 satisfied customers
I am looking to add supplements to my diet. Specifically
Hi. I am looking to add supplements to my diet. Specifically L-Lipoic Acid, L-Theanine, L-Carnitine, and Cleated Magnesium … read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
203 satisfied customers
Why some people get angry if other people point out they did
Why some people get angry if other people point out they did wrong things? I would think when people know they did wrong things they should feel sorry and try to correct. Thanks.… read more
llw26
llw26
Private Practice
Doctoral Degree
11 satisfied customers
My best friend "J" was diagnosed with ADD (or ADHD, I'm not
Hello, my best friend "J" was diagnosed with ADD (or ADHD, I'm not sure the difference), we are in our 40s. But I don't see her having this problem. When she was first diagnosed I just thought, oh it'… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
721 satisfied customers
Dear Dr. Keane, I did what you suggested about my dad.
Dear Dr. Keane,I did what you suggested about my dad. Actually, I spoke to my mum too and she's right, it just is not his kind of thing, to get support. You were right, when I initially brought up the… read more
Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane
Therapist
Doctoral Degree
1,379 satisfied customers
Thank you. I did download a book about a little boy with
Thank you. I did download a book about a little boy with autism, from the perspective of an autistic child, but it turned out to be 64 pages long and just a little too grown up -- even though it menti… read more
Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark
Doctoral Degree
129 satisfied customers
I used to take Dexedrine for adult ADD the dr thinks I
Hello, I used to take Dexedrine for adult ADD the dr thinks I should go back on it. I have been having trouble running my business and growing my business and getting organized. My son also used to ta… read more
Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark
Doctoral Degree
129 satisfied customers
Im concerned that i may have ADD. It runs in the family with
Hi im concerned that i may have ADD. It runs in the family with my mother, brother and daughter. Can you tell me what assessments are necessary to do please. Im 42 and life is getting out of control w… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
Have DID. totally dissociated for the first time the other
have DID. totally dissociated for the first time the other day in therapy and embarrassed self. now terrified to face therapist again. any ideas how to calm anxiety and face therapist?… read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
3,984 satisfied customers
Just looking for information to see if i suffer from ADD, I
just looking for information to see if i suffer from ADD … read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
721 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x