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Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this overwhelming situation.
Could you please tell me for how long have you been married, and how long ago have you been living apart from each other?
12 years. I moved away 2 years ago because we had issues, and he was not talking, and I needed more work because I am the main bread winner. Since then, the marriage got better, then this...
When did he get this brain injury and how long ago did he start drinking this much alcohol?
One year ago. I have discussed brain injury with an expert. He has always drank moderately, now I notice he is overtly sexual to others when he gets drunk, and can't stop drinking at time.
I am very sorry to know that your marital problems set you apart from each other for this long.
This is very concerning since could show he has got addicted to this drug, and alcoholism, as most addictions are very serious chronic disorders that could never allow a person to have physical nor mental health or well-being. besides of the fact that he got this brain injury, it is very concerning, since all these problems plus his hyper sexual behavior could literally interact and fuel each other, undermining even more his ability to create a stable and healthy mood, good mental health, productive functioning and healthy relationships.
I am sorry but it does not look at all, besides of the fact you do not live together any longer. You need to carefully reassess which are your core priorities right now, around needs and expectation from this marriage, and based on that talk to him about what he feels, wants an sis willing to do about your marriage and his serious personal issues and health disorders. based on that you would decide what you truly want to do and afford in this situation.
Obviously he does need consistent medical treatment for his brain injury, individual and group psychotherapy for his alcoholism and to work on his sexual sexual behaviors and the marital problems.
marriage counseling seems to be very important here, but it could only be helpful if he first addresses hos personal issues and rehabilitates from his disorders with professional support-treatment.
Does it make sense?
At the same time I do strongly suggest you to get individual psychotherapy to work on better coping with these serious life and marital issues, to rehabilitate from your anxiety, and to work on how to make this serious marital situation evolve the best possible way.
Wow. I have had this anxiety because I feel the situation is serious, but I am also wondering if I am over-reacting. I don't know if he is an alcoholic, how does one know? And I wonder if I am just hyper-focusing on the few times he was off the wall when drunk. I am going to see him in one week. I will arrange to get counseling for myself then. What should I say to my husband? He gets mad when I am am unhappy with him, so I feel like I have to be very careful in what I say. I love him and want to stay married, and I know he loves me deeply. What do men need to hear that will not alienate them or make them mad, or threaten their manliness?
If a person uses alcohol everyday or several times a week and for several months, having problems stopping its use, and it leads to any type of problem, from mood issues, sexual problems, relationships conflict, lack of good functioning around any life responsibility, including taking good care of his physical health, now that he has a serious medical problem because of the brain injury, and your marriage has been fragmented for the past two years because of serious marital issues, then it'd become obvious he would have an alcohol abuse/addiction problem, associated to the other mental health and behavioral disorders you have described here.
OK, got it thank you. I am going to get further counseling.
regardless of gender, men or women when unable to respect another person's opinion, individuality and position, even more if into a formal committed relationship, it would show lack of respect, understanding, assertiveness and maturity. If you are honest and respectful when you talk to your husband, then any reaction showing alienation or lack of anger control would show his personal issues and nothing wrong about you. If you try to please his ego out of fear of getting him angry, you would end enabling abusive and neglectful, manipulative and unhealthy behavior from him, and I do never recommend anybody to do that, it would just create or deepen codependent relationship that could not help any of your nor your marriage.
You're very welcome. Thank you for your trust. Please take gentle care and consistent actions getting the support you need, and feel free to contact me since I am here willing to support you as possible.
OK. Thank you. You were very helpful.
Thank you. I am glad to know that. Take good care.