How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask Dr. Z Your Own Question
Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Dr. Z is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Just discovered my wife of 21 years has been readings about

This answer was rated:

Just discovered my wife of 21 years has been readings about 40 books on her kindle about lesbian erotica, since July, 2013.

I asked her if she was attracted to women and she said, yes.

Asked her if she had a special friend, and she became upset and said no, she was just curious, would never act upon it and was sorry I had to discover her kindle erotica jag.

What other questions should I ask.

Note - I a not angry, but am shocked.

Dr. Z :


Dr. Z :

I believe I can help you with your concern

Dr. Z :

I can understand your concern about finding this content on her Kindle. May I ask, what exactly are you trying to find out by asking more questions? If she wants a lesbian relationship with someone, may have been intimate with a woman in the past or recently, thinks she may not be heterosexual anymore, etc..?

Customer: All of the above actually
Dr. Z :

Okay, well that makes sense then. Well first you can her how long she has had fantasies about women and to what extent (erotica, companionship, relationship, etc...)

Dr. Z :

Has she ever been with a woman before? Was this before meeting you or after meeting you?

Dr. Z :

Is she still attracted to you would be another good question?

Dr. Z :

Also does she masturbate to this literature or fantasies? That would judge the extent of her fantasies and how much she is infatuated with them

Customer: Is this common?
Dr. Z :

Another question to ask, but I would do it later it in the conversation and if she has expressed interest in developing a sexual relationship with a woman would be to ask if she wanted to add a woman in your sex life with your wife

Dr. Z :

It is uncommon to be honest, but many women out there are just attracted to the female body and lesbian erotic literature, but do not act on it or want to in real life.

Dr. Z :

They are mostly just fascinated and admire the lesbian erotica and female form

Dr. Z :

It would not hurt going to couple's therapy to explore the extent of this as well

Customer: Is this akin to a mid-life crisis? She did state that paraphrasing she is getting Oder and is just curious and that once she started reading it she just kept ordering more sort of like a series compulsion
Dr. Z :

Well I think usually these thoughts develop when you are a young adult, but if you do not act on them or experiment at that time, then by the time she hit middle-age she started to get a desire to explore that before it was too late and this is why it may have triggered this compulsion that she is talking about.

Customer: Does this merit any sort of couples therapy?
Customer: what would it accomplish?
Dr. Z :

Well i would talk to her first and see if this is very ingrained and these interests is lesbian erotica are at a point where she wants to act on them. If they are, then I would suggest couple's therapy to discuss why these interests popped up and what she wants to accomplish with them. It is possible couple's therapy may establish that this is just a phase and it will pass

Customer: Okay thanks.
Customer: Goodnight
Dr. Z and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you