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Kate. I feel both times I went on this drug is because my

Hello Kate. I feel both...

Hello Kate. I feel both times I went on this drug is because my neighbors were verbally abusing me. They never came to my face and did the name calling. I felt taking this drug to get thin would make me feel better about myself as I will look better. My family said if they do not come to my face and say it then don't let it upset me or make me angry. My sister's boyfriend thinks I am imagining it but I am not.  He said how can they say that about you they don't even know you.  About a week after those neighbor's moved in. One girl asked another outside my door who lives there and I heard her say a bad name. The verbal abuse I would hear mostly came from his daughter's and a few times from their father either outside my door or behind the walls in their apartment. My dad said they have a right to say what they want in their own apartment. I admit sometimes I take things the wrong way. One co worker said I was paranoid about thinking he or she is always talking about me. My mom said every time someone is verbally abuse and I hear this, I can not always assume he or she is talking about me. Then she said what if they are talking about me. They are not coming to my face and saying it. She said if I ignore them and do not give them a response that will bug him or her more and they will eventually get tired of doing name calling and it will stop as I am not giving them a response. Whenever I do hear name calling and I think he or she or their friends are referring to me, are there any anger management techniques you recommend I practice so when I hear this name calling start, it will not affect me anymore. I want to learn how not to get angry or upset over name calling. My sister's boyfriend said words don't hurt but I disagree. Words do hurt. I want to learn to stay calm cool and collected when I hear name calling. Thank you Kate for always being there for me. I am so lucky to have you.

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Answered in 14 minutes by:
10/2/2013
TherapistMarryAnn
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5,897
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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You are very welcome! And thank you for your kind words. It made me smile to hear that :)
Your family is giving you very good advice. And they are right, people can say mean things but as long as they are saying them between themselves and not to you, there is not much you can do. Yes, words do hurt. Basically, mean and hurtful words can be considered verbal abuse. So being hurt by them is normal. However, since there is no way to know if these people are talking about you for sure, it is a good idea to try the approach you are talking about and work on managing your feelings.
When you hear hurtful comments, it is common to feel pain and to experience anger. One of the best things to do when you feel this way is to take a deep breath and tell yourself that you are ok. Others may have their opinions and they may feel the need to express them, but you do not have to believe them.
Also, try making a list of good things about yourself. Ask your family to help you too. It can be very healing to hear others say good things about you and it also helps if you acknowledge what is good about you as well. Keep this list nearby so when you do feel hurt, you can read it.
If you feel you are unhappy with your weight and that is one of the main reasons you take the diet pills, consider taking control of your weight and do healthy things to help yourself. By taking control, you can feel more positive. Do something simple like replacing a high calorie food you typically eat with something more healthy. Or join a gym, go for long walks or even ask your family to help you.
If you feel angry, here are some steps to take to make yourself feel calmer:
Deep breathing helps to make you feel in control
Seek out support- talk to a friend or your family until you feel calm
Write down your thoughts. On paper, you can be as angry as you need to be. Express your feelings and what you might say back to someone who is hurting you. You can even start a journal if you feel it would help.
Read more about anger to get better ideas about how to control what you feel:
Beyond Anger: A Guide for Men: How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Anger and Get More Out of Life by Thomas J. Harbin
The Anger Trap: Free Yourself from the Frustrations that Sabotage Your Life by Les Carter and Frank Minirth
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/anger_management_control_tips_techniques.htm
The more you practice controlling your anger, the easier it will be.
Kate
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I hope my answer helped you. Let me know if you have any more questions or need clarification.
Kate
May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

Thank you Kate. I am glad I made you smile. Referring to the earlier post today. My sister and her boyfriend would prefer me to move closer to another town near where they both live. They live outside this town in the country. I would be closer to work only 15-20 minutes compared to 55 minutes driving one way to work. I feel I would be happier to stay in this city as there is so much to see and do in this city and the rent is expensive in the small town where they live. If after 1 or 2 years I do not find work in this city, or if I get in trouble with the police again, I will see this as a sign to move out of this city and go to this small town my sister and her boyfriend recommend for me to live do you agree? I would only be about 40 minutes from this city if I do later decide to move to this small town to be closer to them and work. For now I will test the waters in this city and move to another apartment building to make a fresh start.

Also do you feel that over time the pain I feel inside and the embarasement I feel of the spitting and threatening I did to them will go away and I will start to feel better about myself. They say time heals everything and maybe they may forgive over time but I will never be friends with them ever or start a conversation with them.

I agree that you should do what makes you happy and stay in the same city until you find out if you can work there or not. That sounds like a solid plan.
Yes, given time, you should begin to feel better about what happened. You will find new ways to cope with it and the exercises and books I gave you should help you reframe the incidents and be able to put them in the past.
Kate
TherapistMarryAnn
Category: Mental Health
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Thank you! I appreciate your kindness :)
Kate
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