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I am very unhappy with my life currently. About 3 months ago

I discovered my husband has...
I am very unhappy with my life currently. About 3 months ago I discovered my husband has been having affair with his colleague. Since then he has sincerely ***** ***** his mistake. He has broken all his ties with her. But I constantly worry about the fact that they both work at same place and see each other everyday. I can't stop myself from checking his phone his wallet etc for any clues that they still might be seeing each other. Although I was never like this earlier I trusted him completely. We argue everyday and every night we fight and sleep. I really want this relationship to work but I don't know where we are headed. I keep crying and u have also cut myself from social circle. I have no one who I can talk to openly.
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Answered in 5 minutes by:
10/1/2013
Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10,643
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Verified
Dr. Z :

Hello

Dr. Z :

I believe I can help you with your concern, give me a couple minutes to read over your question, so that I can be able to give you the best possible answer.

Dr. Z :

I would like to ask you a few questions, so that I can gather some more information and give you the best possible answer.

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry that you husband had an affair, I can imagine how this has hurt you. May I ask, for how long have you been married to your husband?

Dr. Z :

How long was the affair?

Customer: Been married for 6 years and affair I believe was for 6 mobths
Dr. Z :

And would you and him be willing to go to couples counseling to help restore the relationship and rebuild that trust that he lost?

Customer: I can't say whether he would want to go for any sessions
Dr. Z :

Well what about yourself, do you think you would be willing to go to therapy by yourself? If you do not have a therapist in your area, would you be willing to use online therapy?

Customer: For now I just want to know how can u make changes into behavior because this is not me. I can't stay happy. I feel insecure all the time. And he is very busy man.
Dr. Z :

I understand, I just didnt want you to be alone going through this and I thought a therapist would be a good idea for you because therapists are allies and supporters for you. Well there is a type of therapy that I can teach you some techniques for. It is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). It is very effective helping change your behavior to be more happy/positive. CBT has a premise that your symptoms are caused by negative thoughts, so if we change your thought process to be more positive and objective as well, then your symptoms will lessen.

Dr. Z :

Would you like to learn some of the CBT techniques for yourself?

Customer: Yes please I would like to know more about it
Dr. Z :

So this link may help you, it contains a technique I use with patients called a thought record. It will help you keep track of any negative thoughts you have. You put the negative thought on paper, the emotion accompanying, the evidence to support it, and the evidence against it. Then I want you to come up with an alternative thought for the situation (more objective and plausible). This will help you change your way of thinking to be able to think more positive and not automatically go to a negative type of thinking.

Dr. Z :

In addition, these two worksheets are very good at helping lessen anxiety and depressive symptoms. It can help you focus on the big picture and the objective/positive thoughts and outcomes.

Dr. Z :

This is a good worksheet on helping you gain more self-confidence. It will help you replace your negative self-critical thoughts, with more positive self-beliefs.

Dr. Z :

Also individuals with severe anxiety and depression have a poor coping mechanism, so this worksheet will help you develop a better coping strategy to manage your symptoms better.

Dr. Z :

In addition, I think these books will help as well because they contain many more techniques to help manage your symptoms

Dr. Z :

And the last book is more of a relationship book, but it is very effective if your husband is willing to use the techniques in that book as well.

Dr. Z :

This is a link for something called Progressive Muscle Relaxation that can help you create a long term calm by using muscle tension and release techniques; it can help manage your anxiety and depression symptoms and is very similar to a style of meditation.

Dr. Z :

In addition, the natural supplements of St. Johns Wort, Omega-3 (Fish oil), Glutamate and Valerian Root can help improve your mood as well.

Dr. Z :

So this CBT will be able to change your behavior, but it does take time because you are retraining the brain to think more objectively/positively and this is a gradual approach, as are all therapy modalities. But this is the most effective therapy modality out there and is very effective for what you want.

Dr. Z :

Do you have any questions or concerns about the information I gave you?

Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10,643
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Verified
Dr. Z and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
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Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10,643
10,643 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.

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