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RealSupport
RealSupport, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I am a recent graduate of college and after 7 years realized

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I am a recent graduate of college and after 7 years realized I am a narcissist. After reading about it and scrolling through some narcissism checklists I found my level of self love are pretty high. Some symptoms I noticed are: compulsive (gift) giving, compulsion to talk about myself, attention seeker, aggravated when I'm needed to empathize with other people, and feeling under-appreciated (this is just listing the big ones).
Compulsive giving is especially a big problem for me. Sometimes without reason I'll pay the whole bill when I'm out eating with my friends or I spend a lot of money giving them gifts. I keep telling myself it's because I'm just a generous kind of person and tell them I expect no return, but deep down my mind is craving some sort of physical or emotion return policy. And I know this is not good for me mentally/emotionally as a person.
In my college years I slowly began to recognize some of these bad behaviors and tried to control them by biting my tongue, hold myself from showing off, or giving credit to other people for projects (sometimes it slips out though). But I still have these selfish impulses and they emerge purely from reflex.
I can't pinpoint where it first started but I want to change, I don't want to be this obsessive selfishness. Where can I first start (especially with compulsive giving)?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to know you have been presenting these problems for all this long. But I also feel very hopeful about you, since you have been able to acknowledge the dysfunctional patterns after becoming aware of them in different ways, and have been working on making concrete changes, putting real effort, and it all shows you have the insight, will and potential to rehabilitate from it if you get the right support.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Individual psychotherapy would be the best way to address these issues and work on your rehabilitation process. From exploring and identifying their roots, to emotionally processing, improving insight on how they work, an dhow to effectively cope with them, developing necessary skills and improving old ones to make of this process something effective.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Most times, it is believed, these personality traits-disorders have a genetic root, but develop and change depending on core life experiences from infancy to adolescence. They are believed to be chronic, thus that there is no cure, but rehabilitation is possible if the person acknowledges the issues, and commits to work on himself, taking full responsibility for his own process and with the adequate support.

Customer:

Thanks for responding! I think what I'm most afraid of though is the kind of relationships I am developing with friends and family. I've read on how and why narcissists make friends and deals with family and it scares me that these relationships I've developed aren't real or genuine.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You are a young adult, and already aware of these issues/disorder. Then if you commit to work on yourself, your chances are very good.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Be sure that if you keep this realistic and mindful approach, taking full responsibility for your feelings, choices and actions, you will get fine and be able not only to heal and nurture your relationships but to truly enjoy them and life.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Have you read about codendency?

Customer:

No, not yet.

Customer:

I probably should read up on that though.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

The fact that you are concerned and care about these things, does not show you have a serious core narcisistic distortion, but suffer of codependency and narcisistic traits because of it., otherwise you would not recognize this well the distortion in the ways you have been developing relationship and pleasing people.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Yes, please read about codependency, at any local library you will find several best-sellers on codependency, review at least 2 or 3, and stick to one, read it carefully, make notes and then start working on implementing what you learn right away. But my suggestions is for you to consider individual psychotherapy, as the ideal source for supporting your work on yourself.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

There you would know after an assessment what are the core issues/disorders affecting you and work with the best professional support and tools to make changes, without self-sabotaging.

Customer:

that's really good to know, thanks for all the help and letting me know where to start!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome. Thank you for your trust. Please take gentle care and consistent action

Customer:

will do!

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