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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5823
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I am having troble controlling my anger

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i am having troble controlling my anger
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.
When someone feels angry a lot as you describe you do, it is usually because of a need to protect yourself from being hurt. Anger issues are often seen in people who have been abused as children or hurt in some other way by other people. Anger is a natural response to repeatedly being hurt and feeling out of control. Being angry also creates a "barrier" between you and other people or the situation you feel threatened by, helping you maintain control over how much someone else or something interacts with you and at what level.
It helps to know where your anger might come from so you can get to the root of the issue and resolve it once and for all. Therapy is an excellent option for exploring why you feel as you do and how to resolve it for good. But for now, it helps to recognize that your anger is probably due to feeling vulnerable and wanting to keep distance between you and other people or situations.
To deal with your anger, it helps to use psychological tools to keep yourself calm. One way to do that is to focus on your breathing. Deep, consistent breathing keeps you relax and feeling less agitated. Another way to help yourself is to change your thoughts when confronted with someone you don't want to see or a situation you don't want to deal with. For example, instead of feeling agitated when you see the other person, try imagery. Think of things that relax you such as a beach. Listen for the waves, think of how the sand feels. By "escaping" you can feel more in control and pull yourself out of the situation emotionally and mentally.
Try getting out your anger through healthy means such as exercise. Kickboxing, running or sports can help expend your energy and you will feel calmer. Plus you can picture a person or situation that agitates you as you work out, helping you express some of those angry feelings.
Here is a resource to help you:
Beyond Anger: A Guide for Men: How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Anger and Get More Out of Life by Thomas J. Harbin
I hope this has helped you,
TherapistMarryAnn and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

kate: i need help i get so angry i start pulling out all my hair i feel like i am losing my mine i am over whelm i am always angry and the person it hurts the most is my 11yrs daughter i need help i dont want to give my daughter away but this angry is not good for her and she dose not listen to me she dont do what she is told and iam losing my mine

It sounds like you are very aware of your anger which is a good sign. It means you are open to getting help and working through your issues.
Try to find someone who you trust to help you with your daughter. Have this person stay with you or allow your daughter to stay with them short term while you work on your issues. That way, your daughter does not feel alone and has someone to go to when she is upset.
The next step is to seek counseling immediately. You are expressing deep concern about your situation, so it is important that you seek help. You need support right now so you can begin to work on your issues. Just as you would seek out emergency care for any physical issue you had, you need to treat your emotions the same way.
Also, seek support from friends and family. You should not do this alone. The more support you have, the easier it will be to help yourself.
Consider talking to your doctor about taking anti anxiety medications. While a psychiatrist is the best choice, your doctor may be able to give you medications that help you stay calmer until you can see a therapist and psychiatrist.