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How to convince them to go to a Dr.? 50 yrs old male, who I

have watch for 26 yrs...
How to convince them to go to a Dr.? 50 yrs old male, who I have watch for 26 yrs, go in and out of depressions...blames it all on me(wife)
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Answered in 2 minutes by:
9/15/2013
Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10,643
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Verified
Dr. Z. :

Hello I believe I can help you with your concern

Dr. Z. :

I am sorry that your husband has been exhibiting these symptoms for so long, but will not seek treatment consistently

Dr. Z. :

I would like to ask a couple questions to get some more information and be able to give you the best answer.

Dr. Z. :

Will not agree to go to couples counseling with you?

Dr. Z. :

Has you been going to counseling without him at all?

Customer:

The very night I married him, he spent 2 1/2 hrs at the bar playing foseball then our reception, and it has been a battle since (at times) he has cousins brothers just like this, they are alll divorced nor. I will not leave a (sick) man. a regular Dr. he will go no where else, because he claims it is all me. (I am bipolar, been on Lithium, Depakoke and now Daytrana.

Customer:

for 11 yrs I have been medcated

Customer:

Counseling, no....or under the assumption it is all me.

Dr. Z. :

Oh okay, so even though he has mental illness, he uses your mental illness as an excuse for his behavior. I am sorry that is unfortunate.

Dr. Z. :

Does he support your through your treatment?

Dr. Z. :

*Does he support YOU through your treatment?

Customer:

100% he supports me. Except in my rapid cycling...(which is almost non exsistant...) Screams and yells and calls me names.

Dr. Z. :

Okay, well have you tried convincing him that you think if he joined in on the counseling sessions that it would help you more and prevent you from cycling. It may at least get his foot in the door for therapy

Customer:

I go to Tonya Anderson, he has came a few times...he flat refuses to be he ever does anything wrong, thou he had to look at me with a black eye for 4 months

Dr. Z. :

So he has physically abused you? Were the authorities involved at all?

Customer:

2 months ago when he took me down so hard partially dislocated my should, I called them, they came.

Customer:

EVERYONE loves him, he is so kind to everyone.

Dr. Z. :

So does that mean even though you called the authorities and has physical marks indicating abuse, nothing happened to him legally?

Customer:

they cant see the dislocation, it was up to me to go back and force the issue. I love this man. (am very strong myself, gymnast) I cant leave a man that is sick. I told him if he get a mental evaluation and all was well with him, I'd sign the papers. But i am on my last straw to get him help.

Customer:

He goes into an 8 week cycle 2x a yr...since Wellbutrin it is all over the place and physical abuse has started.

Customer:

No Wellb since July

Dr. Z. :

Well I admire your devotion to this man that you love, but if he is physically hurting you then you also have to think about your safety as well. The wellbutrin most likely was not causing him to be physically abusive. But for him, he can be forced mental health treatment and an evaluation because he was abusing you at the time.

Customer:

I can force him to go?????

Dr. Z. :

If someone is currently a danger of hurting themselves or other (you in this case) the authorities can be called and they can place a 72 hour psychiatric hold on him.

Dr. Z. :

That is the law in every state

Customer:

I just want a good Dr. close to Minot ND that can evaluate him and tell him what is wrong with him. Put him on the correct meds. I have pic. of black eye (which happen ON our 26 wedding anniversery) the paper from Dr. and the police report them come took. Who do I take him to. No one will help me cause he is so sweet no one really believes.

Dr. Z. :

Well in this case he would have to voluntarily go to the mental health professional to get help, but he is not willing to do that. You can try making a threat that you will leave him unless he does this, and that may compel him to go get an evaluation. I still think since this man has physically abused you, he may do it again in the future and this may escalate further putting you in more danger. But to help him go get an evaluation, you want to show empathy and say things like "I know this is really hard for you, but I’m talking to you because I love you. If I didn’t care, we wouldn’t be having this talk."

Dr. Z. :

I can find you a psychologist/therapist in Minot, ND to do the evaluation for you, but again he would have to be persuaded to take the evaluation, either by you or the law if he still threatens to physically abuse you

Customer:

If I leave, that does not change anything for him, he will still go through his depressions... he will still be lost. And things come out of his mouth(the imbalance talking) so I am pretty much lost. One day ok I will see, the next day it is all me and he will never go. Where do I take him...if he will not go I will go to the authorities and force it. I never know who I am talking to with him.

Dr. Z. :

He may have depression, but that does not excuse his behavior or abuse. And I meant that you can threaten to leave, more like a bluff, to force him to get an evaluation. Sometimes in these difficult situation, therapeutic coercion is used to help someone who is resistant to treatment get an evaluation.

Dr. Z. :

If he is afraid of losing you, then he may respond and reluctantly agree to get an evaluation.

Customer:

He has held the door for me to get the f**k out....that is no threat to him...

Customer:

that was a depression talking, but you do understand why I get so confused with him

Customer:

He is confused with my disorder and that he has none

Dr. Z. :

I understand why you get confused with him, but I think you are using the depression as an excuse for his behavior. He is still an adult and accountable for his actions and behavior. I think even if he did get an evaluation he may treat you the same

Dr. Z. :

Have you ever read this book, it can give some good insight on helping people get the help that they need.

Customer:

I am using his behavior, but that is the only time I see this abusive behavior from him....in his depression or what ever is wrong with him.... I can not leave a man who is sick, unless I know what he is sick from and if there is any hope. I will save that if and read.

Dr. Z. :

So you say that he does not believe that he has a disorder, but then why does he get on the medication?

Customer:

Lexapro to shut me up.... begging I guess got him on another one...what a disaster that was....I heard him talking to his cousin last night saying the Dr. just put him on sugar pills to shut me up (the Wellbutrin)

Customer:

We had not one fight in over 13 months when he was on Lexapro. He said it bugged him sexually...which I never noticed.

Dr. Z. :

Well then tell him that you will never bring his behavior up every again if he goes to a psychologist/therapist and get an evaluation.

Dr. Z. :

Lexapro can cause sexual side effects, wellbutrin does not usually cause sexual side effects, so that may be why he went to the Wellbutrin

Customer:

OK... you got a name for me?

Dr. Z. :

Give me a few minutes to look in your area and compile a list for you

Customer:

You have no idea how great this is to talk to someone, to find help for him thank you

Dr. Z. :

Well you live in a rural area, so your choices are limited. I would prefer him seeing a psychologist that specializes in testing and evaluations, but there are none in his area. So it is possible that one of those three therapists may be beneficial to him and give him a thorough evaluation

Customer:

ok are we done?

Dr. Z. :

Well if you wanted a more thorough evaluation for him I did find two good psychologists that do specialize in testing and evaluation in Fargo, ND. If you are interested in those links as well

Customer:

we are farmers...never get as far as Fargo.

Dr. Z. :

That is what I thought, I just wanted to mention it. Like I said you are in a rural area and there are not that many psychologists in North Dakota for exactly what you are looking for.

Customer:

haha you ain't telling me nothing about being in ND, we sure got alot of semi's and oil wells thou...thank you

Dr. Z. :

Anytime, I am always happy to help. There is also place in Devil's Lake, which is approximately 120 miles from where you live that can provide an assessment. Here is the link. This is the closest I could find for you that provide personality assessments.

Dr. Z. :

I want to wish you and your husband the best of luck and I hope he gets the help that he needs. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.

Customer:

thank you Dr. Z

Dr. Z. :

You are most welcome

Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10,643
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Verified
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Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10,643
10,643 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.

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