Hi! I'll be glad to help you with this issue. I see you are offline, so I'll answer you in this format rather than the chat format.
I can imagine how distressing, worrisome, and even scary this situation must be for you. You are clearly a loving and caring wife. In what you write it comes through so strongly and that you want so much for your husband to be all right again and not ill. But you recognize that something is very, very seriously wrong. I am so sorry and I wish it was easier.
And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. You've been married for 32 years, so I would imagine your husband is somewhere between 50 and 65 years old. I don't know why the doctor didn't tell you what was wrong but I can guess why.
Because there are a couple of possibilities and neither is very easy. I am certainly not diagnosing here, but I am sharing with you the most likely situation. Your husband is exhibiting symptoms that are most often associated with a thought disorder like paranoid schizophrenia. The paranoia is clear. Whether the disorganized thinking is fully schizophrenic is not clear at this time, but the paranoia is and it is of concern. You are right to be worried for your safety.
You may need to confer with his sister and/or other members of the family about what to do. If you can, that is if you have a release to talk with his doctor(s), you and the family may need to confer with the doctor as well about what is the best course of action to make sure that he doesn't harm others or himself. I know this is so hard for you but you need to do this for your safety.
But he is also at the age where these might be representing an independent thought disorder or it could be symptoms of early onset dementia. The doctor probably had no way to do the extensive testing to find out as your husband would not have been cooperative. But you see, either way, the situation is the same: you and the family need to be concerned for your safety, his safety, and their safety.
I wish that love was able to heal this. But that he was hospitalized for this makes this easier to say: he most likely has a serious mental illness that has required hospitalization and may require further hospitalization to stabilize his thinking and behavior. You cannot be his help in this because he needs doctors, medications, and therapy to treat this.
If you can get him to get treatment that would be ideal. That would be a psychiatrist with you (not alone so you can give the real information) and a psychologist (also with you). The idea behind having a psychologist or psychotherapist who's experienced with working with schizophrenia and though disorders is to help you monitor and to help him stay on track. So he knows when his thoughts are starting to get out of whack or when the positive symptoms (hallucinations, etc.) begin to intrude. This is perhaps for after he is on medications that stabilize his thinking.
Again, you need to do what will keep you safe, in terms of your living arrangements and everything else. It is important for you to not become adversarial about all of this we've been talking about. To have him feel that you are on his side even if you have to live apart. Why?
Because taking his meds, staying true to the treatment, and staying stable, is his lesson to be learned and he will not learn it from being lectured to about it or have his errors pointed out. He will become defensive.
One of the problems here is that with many schizophrenia disorders sufferers, manipulating the situation to avoid medication or treatment in general is part of the disorder. It is very pernicious and very difficult to treat. I would like to recommend to you the work of Dr. Xavier Amador. I think that in this area of treatment resistance he has been invaluable to all of us working with schizophrenia. His whole approach is to find the way to make treatment a win-win situation. Because for your son, treatment is only for others' sakes: family, doctors, etc. Not for himself. The meds probably cause whole sorts of side effects he doesn't like. And this is going to be true of any meds the doctors come up with. Because resistance is often part of the illness and all meds have side effects.
So this approach can help you very much. But not only you personally, but the whole family. Here are his two most known books:
I am Not Sick, I Don't Need Help. This is the book that made Dr. Amador famous. It details a bit the story of his brother, who will remind of you of Leo probably in some aspects. Amazon page for it:
The other book is I'm Right You're Wrong, Now what? Break the Impasse and Get What You Need. Amazon page:
Here is his organization's website that has wonderful resources available:
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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