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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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I am a 22 years old man. I have immense incestuas desires

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I am a 22 years old man. I have immense incestuas desires which i want to curb. I have tried to overcome these feelings and i feel guilty for entertaining them, but i cannot overcome them at the same time. This is effecting me mentally as well as physically. I have had a steady relationship with my girlfriend for the last seven years, though we have never had sex. This is partly because of many inability to perform with her. I dont get aroused until I imagine something incest. Though I have never imagine anything with my own mother, i seem to like the idea of mother son incest. Is this feeling normal and how do i stop such feelings ?
DoctorZ :

Hello I believe I can help you with your concern

DoctorZ :

I am sorry that you have been having these thoughts and that they are distressing you so much.

DoctorZ :

I do believe that the abuse that you suffered when you were 10 years old are contributing to these thoughts and this is a form of modeling that comes a response to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which often occurs after being sexually abused as a child. This occurs because you are so young and emotionally immature that you develop certain cognitive thinking and coping mechanisms to help make sense of the situation and these things just became more ingrained in you over time.

DoctorZ :

May I ask, have these thoughts occurred for the last 7 years, or have they been there longer?

DoctorZ :

There is a way to curb these thoughts from being overwhelming and controlling for you , but it will take time for you as therapy techniques are gradual.

DoctorZ :

There are two types of therapy for this one is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and the other is Behavioral Modification (e.g. positive and negative reinforcement).

Customer:

i have had such thoughs for as long as i can remember

DoctorZ :

You can choose to go to a therapist for this or you can try to do it yourself as well, which can be effective.

DoctorZ :

So these thoughts have definitely been ingrained in you for a very long time, and that means it will take awhile for them to removed or successfully managed as well.

Customer:

what kind of self treatment are you suggesting ??

DoctorZ :

Well CBT is a treatment that will consider your incestuous thoughts negative thoughts, so when you have them you will have to replace them with alternative and positive thoughts. Here is an example of a technique that can be helpful. The more you practice it, the more it will become ingrained in your mind.

DoctorZ :

So this link may help you, it contains a technique I use with patients called a thought record. It will help you keep track of any negative thoughts you have. You put the negative thought on paper, the emotion accompanying, the evidence to support it, and the evidence against it. Then I want you to come up with an alternative thought for the situation (more objective and plausible). This will help you change your way of thinking to be able to think more positive and not automatically go to a negative type of thinking.

DoctorZ :

In addition, you will have to stop looking at pornographic material that covers incest. You can look at other pornographic material, but not on incest. In fact I encourage you to look at non-incest pornography and have sexual relations with your girlfriend to form a mental link with this type of sexual intimacy and your orgasm. Eventually it will become ingrained in you and you will become aroused by these non-incestual sexual intimacy.

DoctorZ :

Also you cannot masturbate to incestual thoughts either. Remember you are trying to remove any mental ties to incest and sexual arousal.

Customer:

i have tried the above before for a considerably long time but in vain

Customer:

i end up getting frustated with myself and at the end am forced to go back to these thoughts again !

DoctorZ :

Well one thing about staying away from the computer is if it is a laptop, to only use your computer in public spaces. If it is in your bedroom, only stay in your bedroom to sleep and change your clothes, basically limit your time away from the bedroom as much as possible.

DoctorZ :

It will be very frustrating at first, the first 2 weeks are the hardest with this plan, but afterwards it will become much easier.

DoctorZ :

It is also possible that you can try taking an antidepressant medication, as these medications can lower your sexual libido during this period and that can help you

Customer:

i dont want to take medications for it just yet.

DoctorZ :

I understand, I just wanted to give you all your options.

Customer:

i am still hoping i can control it with my self resolve !

Customer:

anyways....thanks for your help.

DoctorZ :

Another thing is behavioral modification where you associate negative reinforcement every time you have incestious thoughts. One option is to have a rubberband on your wrist and everytime you get one of those thoughts, you snap the rubberband causing mild pain

DoctorZ :

Eventually the pain will become so ingrained you will not start to associate incest with pain and it will no longer arouse you

Customer:

i just wanted to know....is this problem a common one, considering all the available material on the net ??

DoctorZ :

Yes it is a common problem because you were sexually abused by your cousin, so you are equating sexual intimacy with a family member. And the PTSD caused a regression, where you seek the comfort and love for your mother and this is why you have incestious thoughts of mother and son. So this is not uncommon for what you went through and I am very sorry that you did go through this

Customer:

well thanks for everything. i guess there is no concrete solution to this problem but a mental fight with myself.

DoctorZ :

It will be a mental fight, and it will take time to overcome. There is no easy solution to this and will take a lot of effort on your part, but I am confident that you will succeed.

Customer:

well thanks and have a.good day.

DoctorZ :

You have a good day as well and best of luck to you. I also wanted to give you this link for self-help CBT. This can teach you the best CBT skill for you

DoctorZ :

My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.

Customer:

sure

Dr. Z and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you