Mental Health

Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Mental Health
This answer was rated:

How do you choose where to draw the line in relation to your

responsibilities to others at your...
How do you choose where to draw the line in relation to your responsibilities to others at your expense?
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Answered in 1 hour by:
9/9/2013
Norman M.
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2,568
Experience: ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
Verified

It would help me to help you if you could tell me the circumstances which prompted your question, please

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago

As an example, I had to go to a large family party (my spouses family) where I knew absolutely no one other than my spouse and her parents.

I went but I would have preferred not to, both because I didn't know anyone and I REALLY don't like large crowds. My compromise was

to set a period of time that I would attend and basically grit my teeth and bear it. The other thing is that it doesn't seem fair to my spouse either

as it's apparent from my demeanor that I'm not happy to be there.

Thanks for that. Your spouse knows that you don´t like large crowds, and probably was happy with the compromise.

I wonder if you have being assertive in the sense of looking after yourself.

I´d like you to use this tool.

This Bill of Rights was one of the tools used by Virginia Satir, a well-known family therapist. Containing some really basic psychological rights belonging to every person, it really helps to identify and deal with areas in which we have problems.

Read the statements. Note down any immediate thoughts or feelings that come to you and analyse them later.

Look at yourself in a mirror and read it out loud to yourself. Listen to your voice grow in strength and volume so that you can really start to feel it inside. In the beginning, you may feel silly or embarrassed. You may hear the inner voice say, "That's not the truth". Just hang in there and keep doing it - you'll notice the change within six weeks, if you do it regularly.

1. I do not have to feel guilty just because someone else does not like what I

do, say, think or feel.

2. It is OK for me to feel angry and to express it in responsible ways.

3. I do not have to assume full responsibility for making decisions, particularly where others share responsibility for making the decisions.

4. I have the right to say "I don't understand" without feeling stupid or guilty.

5. I have the right to say NO.

6. I have the right to say No without feeling guilty.

7. I do not have to apologize or give reasons when I say NO.

8. I have the right to refuse requests which others make of me.

9. I have the right to tell others when I think they are manipulating, conning, or treating me unfairly.

10. I have the right to refuse additional responsibilities without feeling guilty.

11. I have a right to tell others when their behaviour annoys me.

12. I do not have to compromise my personal integrity.

13. I have a right to make mistakes and be responsible for them. I have a right to be wrong.

14. I do not have to be liked, admired, or respected by everyone for everything I do.

Looking after your own comfort in difficult situations is not selfish. It´s just plain common sense, and helps you to feel good about yourself!

Please try it out!

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
I should have added that when 'drawing a line', that point happens when you feel that the other(s) in a social or other transaction are not honoring their side of the bargain, that they are manipulating you, or taking advantage of your good nature.

What is important here is what YOU feel about the situation, not what other people say or might think!

Be careful too, when someone asks "Can you do me a favor?" Always check first what is being asked of you, and if it goes beyond what you can do or are prepared to do, don´t commit to it, or commit to it within limits which you explain to the other party. This simple approach avoids un-necessary expectations or disappointments on either side.

If you do let people manipulate you or use you beyond what YOU feel is reasonable, bitterness, hurt and anger creep into the relationship.
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago

So while the above is in factual event it is also a analogy for my life.

I am prone to depression which of course makes my like far more complicated than it would be otherwise. To a great extent it like a low level toxin in my life, it debilitates me so broadly that not only does it affect my ability to perform at work but even more for myself.

Make no mistake that I have a natural sense of self preservation however that is balanced against a quality of life question where

the intellectual question is that based on the circumstances of my

life do I choose to continue? I believe that I SHOULD own the choice

as to whether I live or not just as I believe that physically sick people should be able to make the choice as to whether to live or not based on a quality of life.

This is where my question is coming from, a quality of life perspective.

To live in a state of continuous fear and bitterness poisoning the lives

of those around you who love you and expecting them to assume

financial responsibility for you is something that I see as intolerable.

On the other hand how do you tell the people who love you that "on the whole" I'd rather be dead and have them accept it as a valid choice.

I am totally in tune with the material that you sent me in your reply but

I am literally one unemployment away from wanting to end my life. The problem is that there is so little "up side" to my life and at my current

age I can naturally expect things to generally trend for the worse rather

than the better.

This internal rift itself is such a burden to me, it's a lose lose situation.

I believe that I have the right to chose what is intolerable to me as a

quality of life decision. I choose not to abuse drugs, or alcohol etc, etc

because that choice is offensive to me in terms of it being against my

best interests and the terrible burden it exerts on those around you.

I would chose to be dead rather than do that, I would rather be dead than treat those around me immorally or illegally. Many people DON'T

and wouldn't make that choice and that is their choice to make.

My problem is how do you get people to accept an if, then quality of life

choice.

While it's not a great movie if you've ever seen Soylent Green it rather

explains where I'm coming from. The old man has seen enough of life

and has the choice to simply pass on. That is what I want if required.

Can you tell me, before I comment further, what treatment you have had for your depression?
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago

I've had both talk therapy and am on medications which have helped significantly.

Let me say first of all, that whatever the reason you were put on this Earth it was not only to please others at the expense of yourself.

Secondly, if you live in a state of fear and bitterness about the consequences of your own actions, then that fear and bitterness is self imposed, simply because right down at the root of things, YOU have responsibility for your own actions. You can choose to do what might poison the lives of people who love you by your actions or you can choose to enrich them. You can enrich their lives by, thanking them for their love and their help, where that is appropriate. You can choose to enrich them by electing to stay around for them.

Personally, I’m not interested in the moral debate about the rights and wrongs of suicide, and let’s face it, that is what we are talking about here.

Of course you have that choice, and it cannot be taken away from you.

Getting people who love you to accept suicide as a valid choice is a contradiction in terms. The love you, therefore they cannot accept that you should kill yourself. There is of course the argument put forward that the reason they cannot accept your proposition is that they do not love you enough, and as a purely philosophical arguments, it has its merits. However, in the real world, where people act like people, in simply does not hold water.

You may well get them to accept your thinking if you were to tell them that "Life is so bad just now that I wish that I did not have to deal with it" and I think that is in fact what you have been telling me.

You are 55, and you expect things to go downhill. I’m 67. Some things WILL go downhill probably. Your sight. Your hearing. Your mobility. The other side of the coin is that others will continue to get better. Your understanding of yourself and others. Your tolerance level (if you let it). Your need to rush or to be number one.

All changes which make life better rather than worse.

I rather suspect that your friends would say that their lives would be impoverished by your absence. Up until know, you have struggled hard, I think, to deal with moral choices which are very important to you. IMHO you have done so very well, and I hope you have the courage to continue to do so.

Insofar as your therapy is concerned, I’d like you to be sure that the right approach for you (which I believe is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) is being used, and I also commend to you Richard Carlson’s book "Stop Thinking and Star Living". You may thing that some of what he says is verging on the trite and simplistic, but it remains a very good book indeed.

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago

I realize that this has gone on to quite an extent and as consequence I will provide you a bonus in an effort to compensate you for your time.

Today is just another one of my typical days when I have unintentionally

put myself in jeopardy of being fired from my job, the reason, accidentally accumulating two hours of overtime.

To offer me a bonus is extremely gracious. I do hope thin gs get resolced at work. Please remember, you still have a lot to give to this life, and alot to receive as well. Working with your medication, and Dr Carlson's book, you CAN make it
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Would you please rate my answer, so that I may be compensated? Thanks.
Norman M.
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2,568
Experience: ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
Verified
Norman M. and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask Norman M. Your Own Question
Norman M.
Norman M.
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2,568
2,568 Satisfied Customers
Experience: ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Norman M. is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much

Corrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well!

ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion.

KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
I feel better already! Thank you.

ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.

JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions.

John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!!

Janet VPhoenix, AZ

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Dr. Keane

Dr. Keane

Therapist

1,379 satisfied customers

Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

TherapistMarryAnn

TherapistMarryAnn

Therapist

4,021 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

Dr. Olsen

Dr. Olsen

Psychologist

2,336 satisfied customers

PsyD Psychologist

Norman M.

Norman M.

Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

2,568 satisfied customers

ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Dr. Michael

Dr. Michael

Psychologist

2,177 satisfied customers

Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.

Steven Olsen

Steven Olsen

Therapist

1,728 satisfied customers

More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Anna

Anna

Mental Health Professional

1,656 satisfied customers

Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.

< Previous | Next >

Related Mental Health Questions
My ex did gay porn but swears he's not gay.. he's so back
My ex did gay porn but swears he's not gay.. he's so back and forth with me.. he was addicted to oxy I love him but he's so closed off… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
I keep thinking about what I did when I was younger, when I
I keep thinking about what I did when I was younger, when I was about 6 I remeber like kissing almost making out with my two sisters, they were 5 and 4 then later when I was about 14-15 I developed la… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
794 satisfied customers
I am having terrible guilt and shame about things I did in
I am having terrible guilt and shame about things I did in my past which have suddenly come to my consciousness - when I was about 16 I was extremely sexual and ended up sniffing knickers on a number … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
767 satisfied customers
Leah,I had a question I did get to mention yesterday..the
Hi Leah,I had a question I did get to mention yesterday..the thread was getting a bit to long anyway lol… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
767 satisfied customers
I did ask a male professional earlier about my problem, but
I did ask a male professional earlier about my problem, but it would be great to get a female psychologists view also. My husband and I have not had sex in 6 years. He had a mild stroke 5 years ago, b… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
794 satisfied customers
My husband call me a, he did it today. I told him under no
My husband call me a bitch, he did it today. I told him under no circumstances do you have the right to call a woman a bitch. He also tells me that I am miserable. Everytime he starts a fight. … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
767 satisfied customers
Its kind of imbarrising.. I did realize I could chat to some
its kind of imbarrising.. I did realize I could chat to some one on here … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
My doctor switched me from sertraline to viibryd. I did one
My doctor switched me from sertraline to viibryd. I did one week of 10 mg, then 2 weeks of 20 mg, now back to 10mg so I can switch back to sertraline. I don't like viibryd. How can I safely switch bac… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
Dear Dr. Keane, just a quick message to say that I did not
Dear Dr. Keane, just a quick message to say that I did not get that job, enough time has passed by to now know this. I've plenty to say, but not plenty of time this week as my gran is now visiting, so… read more
Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane
Therapist
Doctoral Degree
1,379 satisfied customers
I have a friend who says she has DID but she doesn't meet
I have a friend who says she has DID but she doesn't meet the criteria. Her alters are dead people. Mostly characters from Movies or Musicals like Phantom of the Opera. Would this behavior be a sympto… read more
llw26
llw26
Private Practice
Doctoral Degree
11 satisfied customers
Why some people get angry if other people point out they did
Why some people get angry if other people point out they did wrong things? I would think when people know they did wrong things they should feel sorry and try to correct. Thanks.… read more
llw26
llw26
Private Practice
Doctoral Degree
11 satisfied customers
Dear Dr. Keane, I did what you suggested about my dad.
Dear Dr. Keane,I did what you suggested about my dad. Actually, I spoke to my mum too and she's right, it just is not his kind of thing, to get support. You were right, when I initially brought up the… read more
Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane
Therapist
Doctoral Degree
1,379 satisfied customers
Thank you. I did download a book about a little boy with
Thank you. I did download a book about a little boy with autism, from the perspective of an autistic child, but it turned out to be 64 pages long and just a little too grown up -- even though it menti… read more
Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark
Doctoral Degree
129 satisfied customers
My husband lied to me about his. He did cheat on his ex-wife
My husband lied to me about his. He did cheat on his ex-wife after all. Now he says I am sticking my nose into his business. … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
767 satisfied customers
My wife and I did some role reversal consisting of her being
My wife and I did some role reversal consisting of her being dominant. Domestic discipline and domination. SometiMrs she makes me wear panties. I find embarrassing but arousing too. The whole mentalk … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
767 satisfied customers
Have DID. totally dissociated for the first time the other
have DID. totally dissociated for the first time the other day in therapy and embarrassed self. now terrified to face therapist again. any ideas how to calm anxiety and face therapist?… read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
4,021 satisfied customers
I've been having serious guilt over something I did in the
I've been having serious guilt over something I did in the past. It all triggered when I saw a kid that used to live on my street. I'm 18 now. At the time of incident I was about 11/12 and the kid was… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
794 satisfied customers
I did a no no and tried to look up articles about what I
I did a no no and tried to look up articles about what I have and how pure O can sometimes be misdiagnosed as pedophila! Well I read a comment where one person says even if they've had these thoughts … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
767 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x