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I love my man but I don't enjoy having sex with him! I am 60

I love my man but...
I love my man but I don't enjoy having sex with him! I am 60 and he is 50 and we both have healthy sex drives. He is a bit large for me to accommodate and he is uncircumcised. Even with lubrication it hurts and I am left unsatisfied and with a stinging irritation around my labia. I also am having sex after a nine year drought which may be a factor as well. When he finishes, the sperm left around burns and I feel awful. Could his drinking be a factor as well? He has a drink a day (that I know of) and having grown up around alcoholics I know what alcoholism is and does. I know that I have a lot of questions, but he is such a good guy and I don't want to "throw out the baby with the bath water" as the cliché goes. Thank you for your considerate help!
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9/8/2013
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Verified
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help with this issue.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You may be suffering only from physical abrasion due to several factors:

-his size is a big factor and could be stretching your vagina wall to the point of irritation, despite using lubrication

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

-as a woman ages the skin in her vagina wall becomes thinner and less resilient

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

-if he is uncircumcised then he might not be as hygienic as a circumcised man, but with proper hygiene and extra effort, he can be.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

-the sperm is a slight irritant, and if you have any slight abrasion, and it is already irritated, then you will have painful discomfort.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :


His having a drink a day should not affect you in any way, and this would not make him an alcoholic.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :


There are two sexual pain disorders that are listed as mental health issues. I will mention them briefly but I do not think that your pain is psychological, though it may be.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :


Dyspareunia, meaning painful intercourse, can be caused by anxiety which produces tension in the vaginal mucosa and produces pain. Anxiety will soon replace sexual enjoyment. It is a very common symptom in women and can have a number of causes. About one out of three women who have had gynecological surgery will experience dyspareunia. Pelvic inflammatory disease, infections, and scars will also be a cause. So it is a physical base that causes pain and mental distress.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If failure of lubrication is the only cause (and at age 60 your internal lubrication may have decreased) then it is not listed as dyspareunia.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :


The other sexual pain disorder is Vaginismus, which is a cramping contraction of vaginal muscles when a woman attempts intercourse, but this does not seem to be what afflicts you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

For a very detailed article on dyspareunia listing causes and various treatments (which are matched with the causes), please read this comprehensive article:

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

http://www.prevention.com/health-conditions/painful-sexual-intercourse-dyspareunia

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :


I strongly urge you to visit your gynecologist to determine the exact cause(s) of your pain. Don't throw the baby away. You can probably fix this, and the sooner the better because you do not want to develop further aversion to sexual intercourse as this would further harm your relationship with this man, with whom you other wise have a decent relationship.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I wish you great success in treating this and then moving on with your life without this obstacle.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Verified
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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
7,664 Satisfied Customers
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.

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