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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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Dr. Z. ONLY I drove around trying to clear my head. I'm a

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I drove around trying to clear my head. I'm a mess. I'm tired of being alone. It's nobody's responsibility to look out for me. It is what it is. This has been my life for ten years. It's ruff on the ego to think that there's no one out there that would want me. I know I don't need a man in my life to make me happy. I have been in a abusive relationship for alot of years. It's hard to believe that one day some nice guy will just happen to come into my like. Not gonna happen!!
What am I suppose to do Dr. Z? I'm so tired. The best solution for me is not the socially acceptable solution. My head is spinning
DoctorZ :

Hi Cathy

DoctorZ :

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way and I know you life feels like a mess at this moment, but it will get better. You just found out that you were probably not in a good therapeutic relationship to help you and I think finding a new therapist will help you get better, but that takes time.

DoctorZ :

I do not think that you need a man to make you feel better, I think you can make yourself feel better and then when you are stable you can be in a relationship. Do not expect someone else to fix you, you have the strength inside to fix yourself and help you get better.

DoctorZ :

I think going to domestic violence support groups will help you find a community of people that have gone through what you are going through to help give you the support and closeness you are looking for. These support groups can help know that you are not alone with this.

Customer: I know what you are saying is right. I understand that. I can't move on your suggestions I'm afraid to get slapped down. I remember times while I was married when I would put on a nice outfit. Mike would say, who are you trying to be? Everybody knows who you really are. You can't fool people into thinking you're somebody else. I still feel like that. If I show up at a domestic violence group, they will ask who do you think you are? You don't belong there. My brain is so tweaked. What to do.? The first time I filed for divorce in 94 I went to one of those support groups. Most of the women had bruises. Something to show for their sircumstances
Customer: Sorry, spelling error. I had no bruise. Only internal bruises that no one could see.
DoctorZ :

Most women have internal bruises and internal scars like PTSD, but It I think it can help you a lot. If you take proactive steps to help yourself than Mike does not win and you can better yourself beyond being abused because there is more to you then being abused.

DoctorZ :

You are not trying to fool anyone anymore, you can be yourself and let people in, that is the first step at getting help

Customer: How do you know who you can trust? People pretend to be your friend and confidant that turn on you and use everything against you
DoctorZ :

Well I am not saying trust people right away, but go to a couple support group meeting and listen to them, you do not even have to speak. And then slowly you can talk to people and maybe build trust. It will take time, but I think it will be very worth it for you

Customer: is that kind of group better than one of those mixed divorce groups ?
DoctorZ :

I think they are better than mixed divorce groups because domestic violence support groups have the people that have gone through similar trauma as you, this is a way you can connect with them

Customer: That makes sense. I'm scared to admit what I have been going through for so long. Even though I filed 41/2 years ago, he has still been dragging me through hell. I know I need to be stronger. Somedays I try and I can do it but somedays I want to give up. I will try harder I just wish I had someone standing beside me encouraging me and telling me not to give up the fight. Thank you for taking time for me. I know you are a busy man. I appreciate your patience with me. I didn't sleep very long last night. I had several nightmares. I guess that's what has put me in such a screwy mood. I'm sorry. Thank for your help. Is it alright if we talk again tomorrow? i have no one else to turn to.
DoctorZ :

The nightmares, depression, and the anxiety are definitely associated with PTSD. I understand that you are scared to admit what happened to you which is why I would suggest going to a few meeting and just listening to the others, then when you feel comfortable you can speak up and tell your whole story or parts of your story. I know that you feel alone, but I also think you need to let people in and definitely try to start with a new therapistst, I can help you with that too if you want.

DoctorZ :

We can still talk tonight if you wish, you have not been online for that long and you have my undivided attention right now.

Customer: That made me smile! You're a good guy. Thanks for not shoving me out the door. You said that I should start with a new therapist and you would help me with that if I want. Well I do want. What should I do?
DoctorZ :

Let me have your zip code and I will try to find a few good therapists in your area to choose from

Customer: It's 91360
DoctorZ :

Okay give me a couple minutes to compile a list for you. I actually know where Thousand Oaks is, I went to school in LA for three years actually

Customer: Ok
Customer: Was it UCLA..?
DoctorZ :

It was actually California School of Professional Psychology

Customer: Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. It was CSPP?
DoctorZ :

That is correct CSPP

DoctorZ :

Okay so I think these therapists would be ideal for you because they use a variety of modalities including CBT and have experience treating issues like PTSD, anxiety, depression, and abuse.

Customer: Ok. I'll go through the list. I know this is a dumb question, but I will have to tell them the story from the beginning right? Maybe it won't be as difficult as the first time because I had alot of suppressed memories. The came back through flashbacks and I had alot of flooding. They need to know all the dirty little secrets right?
Customer: P.S. the Dodgers won again !
DoctorZ :

You can tell them what you want to tell them, the good therapists will not push you to tell them anything. Also the good thing about CBT is that you do not focus on the past and instead you focus on the present. This is why I think you will like CBT because you do not have to relive the abuse by talking about it in detail

DoctorZ :

Yes the Dodgers did win and so did the A's they are now tied with Rangers in the AL West ;)

Customer: Good job, you're a true baseball fan.! I like the CBT method I'm tired of reliving all that awful stuff. Maybe that's why we are stuck in my present therapy. We are always going over the past. When I leave my sessions with him, I have the worst couple of days. It stirs up all those memories. I think it is time for a change. You're a smart doctor. I guess it was fate that I found you. I noticed that you are also a hustler. As soon as questions pop up, you jump right on them before any of those "older" therapists have a chance to click their mouse. I like how you work
Customer: I think I've found a smart, young, compassionate therapist who seems to understand alot of things and I think, if you don't .imd me saying, that I have found a friend also
DoctorZ :

Haha, well yes I do pick the questions pretty fast, but I also have a very fast internet connection as well, so I usually see the question before most of the other therapists. I would not call myself a hustler per se, but more as an over-achiever :) Yes CBT tries to avoid focusing on the past and instead will concentrate on your present symptoms and how to manage them and hopefully cure them

DoctorZ :

You can totally describe me as a friend, and I am also your ally through this difficult journey of yours. I want to help you and see you through this

Customer: It's ok to be an over- achiever And a hustler. You'll go far if you never let up. You're not that far from JA's headquarters are you?
Customer: I don't have many friends I'm glad you are one of them
Customer: Literally! (One)
DoctorZ :

I am definitely not that far from JA's headquarters at all. Anytime, I am here to help you and hopefully when you start to feel that your past is not longer controlling you then you will start to make more friends and even a significant other. I think the support group idea can help you make more friends too

DoctorZ :

Because I do not think other people understand what you have been going through and members of the support group will understand.

Customer: Thanks Dr. Z. Every time I talk with you I feel better. I don't feel so worthless. Would I be able to find one of those support groups on the Internet?
DoctorZ :

I am glad that I am able to help you. I think this hotline can help you with support groups in your area

DoctorZ :

Also this website has a list of all support groups in your area

Customer: Thanks. I know you haven't been with JA very long. What do you think of JA. Is it a good source of income or is it just something to do if you have alot of down time?
DoctorZ :

It can be a pretty good source of income, but I believe most experts use it when they have downtime. I enjoy the website, I think it is a very beneficial resource for most people. How have you liked it so far?

Customer: I do like it. On time I asked a question about plumbing and I talked to a tax guy also. I did talk to another therapist a year or so ago, but he treated JA like "advice for the love Lorne " kind of like a dear Abby. Actually he kept trying to hit on me which was not what I was looking for. I think all these questions you get give you experience in all kinds of stuff. Some pretty weird stuff too. I have read so many psychology books. I tried to learn all about the X during the marriage. He was a narcissist and a sociopath , and still is. The last book I read was, speaking the Unspeakable". It's about how therapists get themselves involved in dual relationships with their patients. That is what I think has happened between me and my therapist. He had become my the
Customer: sorrythe sorry, he wanted to be my therapist, my friend, my buddy, my brother my pal. It's getting a little uncomfortable
Customer: I wish it would let me go back and edit what I typed so I don't look like such a doof.
DoctorZ :

No worries I am understanding you, you can keep going :)

Customer: I have kept you on line over 90 minutes. I think it's time to give you back to your public. I would like to stay in touch with you if it's ok. You keep me grounded so I don't run off and do something stupid. I hope you have a lucrative night. Talk to you soon. Cathy
DoctorZ :

Okay, I understand and you are right it is getting late. You can contact me at anytime, I am happy to help. I know you mentioned that you want to talk tomorrow, so you are more than welcome to contact me tomorrow. I hope you get some more sleep tonight, I can imagine how exhausted you must be.

Customer: Thanks Dr. Z
DoctorZ :

Anytime, good night Cathy :)

Dr. Z and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Hi Cathy,
I just wanted to follow-up with you and see how everything was going. Let me know if you need anything or would like to discuss anything. Hope all is well :)
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Hi Dr.Z
Things are really messed up. I'm messed up. I need to go to sleep and never wake up. I am too tired to fight my way out of this deep, dark hole that I'm in. I took half of the pills and I'm afraid to take the rest. I'm afraid I will fail. I don't know what to do. I'm tired Dr. Z. I can't think straight I'm not sure what o do.
Hi Cathy,
Do not say that you are "messed up" because you are not. The situation and what your ex-husband put you through is what is messed up and it is not fair to you, but you can regain control of your life again, you have this strength inside of you. The present and the future is yours to control and he cannot have an impact on that, this is your time now. It will take time, but I am here with you through this journey, so that you are not alone. Do not take any more pills, please promise me this. If you believe that you too many pills and have already overdosed I urge to call 911 or possibly go to your nearest ER and get treated for overdose because I worry about your safety and I want nothing bad to happen to you. I will be here all night if you want to talk more, but please I do encourage you to not take any more pills and if you took an amount that would be considered an overdose I think going to the Emergency Room is an option you should consider for your safety and well being.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I met a guy on line. He didn't live far from me. We went out twice then he just wanted to come to my house all the time vall he wanted was sex. I was do desperate for affection that I went along with it. He started to do some not normal stuff and I tried to accommodate. I have only been with one other man and that was not good. (40 years of hell). I found out last night that he had a porn addiction and master bated several times a day. It made me sick. I can't trust any man. I can't let another man near me. How could I be so stupid? I told him to get lost, but I'm the one who's lost. Why would I go to the hospital and ask for help when the purpose of taking alot of pills is to put an end to the pain. The hospital pumps your stomach then your right back where you started I don't think that made much sense. I keep typing in this little box. Is there a way to go back like we did before?
I know it is tough and I am so sorry Cathy, but there are a lot of great things in life that I want you to experience as well. I am sorry about this guy, it sounds he was the one with the disorder and sexual addictions issues (pornography and masturbation) so this was not your fault. You cannot help it if you are the normal one and he is the abnormal one with his issues. I think right now maybe taking a break about going out with guys would be ideal to give you a chance to heal on the inside.
To go back to the chatting that we did before you would have to ask a new question and do not forget to put "For DoctorZ only" or you can ask the question from my homepage at this link
Dr. Z and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
I will be up all night if you want to chat with me Cathy, you know I am here for you :)