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Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4636
Experience:  MD Psychiatry
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Ive known a girl for three months. We got really close in

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I've known a girl for three months. We got really close in that time. She just informed me recently that she was raped by her ex-boyfriend, whom I am related to. Some of my reactions to this have been: wanting to put a sign up in his yard at night saying "Rapist Lives Here"; telling my brother there's no way I'm going to his wedding if the rapist will be there; wanting to shout from the rooftops that this guy is a rapist; anger; saying I want to hurt the guy (I never would)... I have only known this girl three months but, like I say, we are close friends and I feel like we share something really close. I want to honestly know whether my reactions to this, as described, are over the top or irrational or anything else bad. Thank you.

Greetings !


Welcome to the site.


I am Dr. Kaushik and i believe i can help you with your problem.


Well you see rape in itself is a gross violation of one's human rights and an inhumane act which needs to be despised and condemned without any bias.


The term bias i mention here because sometimes we tend to go soft on the perpetrator only because we know the person. In your case the revelation has come as a rude shock to which you have not been able to come to terms with. There is an internal tussle going on within you about whom to believe and how to express your frustration and anger on the person whom you have known for so long.


So all those things which you want to carry out in order to express your strong emotions of ridicule for the person are completely understandable and normal and probably any one else in your position would have wanted to do the same.


However having said that i believe as a concerned friend and well wisher of this female you shall try to help her get over her emotional trauma and try to channelize her energy towards new beginnings in life such as your friendship so that both of you can leave the past behind and move on to a bright and tranquil future with each other.


As far as the person who has done this deplorable act is concerned you shall take a decision about making him aware of your knowledge about it and if possible confront him and warn him about serious consequences if he tries anything remotely similar to what he did with this lady. However it will be better to talk to the person one on one without making it an open spectacle as right now he has been alleged of this wrong doing so he is still a suspect and shall be given a chance to defend himself which can only happen when confronted.


So all in all your emotions are justified and quite appropriate to the predicament that you find yourself in but instead of making any brash and explicit statement and action like the ones that you have been wanting to do after the revelation it will be better if you confront the person one on one and try to seek his take on this serious issue and then take a decision what to do next.


On the other hand try to pacify your lady friend and digress her attention to more constructive and beautiful things in life while offering her relentless moral support and affection which a rape survivor needs the most to heal her emotional scars.


I hope this helps you to decide on the direction that you shall take. Wish you all the best.


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