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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5334
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
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My girlfriend and I just broke up and after talking about

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My girlfriend and I just broke up and after talking about it, she's at the point where she doesn't know what she wants, she doesn't feel she loves me as much and she needs some space to transition into college. I am aware it's because of the same routine we had for a long time. I want to try talking to her and slowly get into a position where we can being in a relationship. Other than the no contact rule, how can I position myself to do this?

Hi! I'll be glad to help you with this issue.

I can imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. You are clearly in love with her and want to be in a long term relationship with her. She seems to be seeking to test the waters and experience other relationships. I know how painful this must be for you. Because I've seen this quite a few times.

You see, it's not just her feelings you're up against. It's like you're fighting our whole society. Our culture says that if you haven't had a wide range of relationships, you haven't actually lived. You have wasted your youth. You've been a wallflower at the dance of life. Etc.

In college itself there is a tremendous pressure about this. Not just the hook-up culture. Although that is a very visible part of the societal pressure. But even at orientation they talk about getting to know people and having diverse relationships as well, and it gets mixed up with romantic relationships very much.

Therefore, it's not easy for you to fight this tide. So, then, you have to try to get her aware of this societal pressure that you two are fighting if you stay together. You need to tell her that you want to suggest to her a different approach to love and relationships than the one where people your age go from one relationship to another just to gain experience, so to speak.

You want to relate to her that your values are more about looking into yourself and asking if this person I want to be in love with is a good person, is the relationship a good one, etc. Because if it is, then that pressure to move on and "live life" is coming from the outside and not from within herself.

And if it's coming from the outside then it's just societal pressure. And if so, then you want to ask her to not give in to that societal pressure. You want her to look at you and her relationship with you on its own merit. If you're a good man and her relationship with you is a good relationship, then that's what living life is really about. And not giving in to the trend.

Okay, I wish you the very best!

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Dr. Mark and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Hi! I'm very glad that I was able to help you with this and thank you for your positive rating. If I can help you in the future in any way, please don't hesitate to let me know.
All the best,
Dr. Mark