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Dr. A. Rene
Dr. A. Rene, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 16
Experience:  10 years of clinical experience with expertise in trauma related disorders.
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Am I permitted to ask my therapist if I can talk to her

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Am I permitted to ask my therapist if I can talk to her supervisor about my therapy. Can I see her supervisor alone or will my therapist need to be present?
Dr. A. Rene :

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing it is stupid.” – Einstein

Dr. A. Rene :

I believe I can help you with your question. Yes, you are able to talk with your therapist's supervisor, especially if that therapist is a student or works in a larger agency. May I ask what your concerns are about your therapist? Have you tried to talk to him/her directly about these concerns?

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

My T isn't a student, she is self employed and has several years experience and is well qualified.

I have attachment issues (I'm the son of a narcissistic mother and had no parental love or affection) and chose the T I did in order to create an 'attachment' for real, in a safe environment with a professional to help me understand the why's and hows and to learn how to deal with it an move on. I've taken the need for friendship from T to sessions and to some extent she has met those needs. Now she feels I see her to attempt to forge a personal relationship with her.

We have discussed this on a few occasions and she now feels my that my seeing her and my feelings for her are a hinderance to my progress.

If your therapist is self-employed, than she likely does not have a "supervisor" to speak of. It is very normal for anyone with attachment issues to seek friendship through their therapist as a "safe base" for handling these issues.

Unfortunately the "role" of therapist places limits on a therapist's logistical ability to meet those needs. That being said, it sounds like your therapist may have her own discomfort with how to handle the attachment issues that you have presented her with, and you may be tapping into an area that she may have to do her own personal work around.

If you are able to find a way to work through this issue together therapeutically, it could be extremely beneficial to you. Otherwise you may continue to struggle in re-enacting your parental dynamic by seeking love from someone who's "role" prevents them from providing you with the parental love/affection that you ultimately sought from your mother (who was unable to provide you with that).

You might be able to talk with your therapist about how seeing her professionally is not actually a "hinderance" to your progress, but could, in fact, be demonstrating your progress in broaching the core issues around your inherent loveability as an individual. It would be extremely important/helpful if your therapist could support you in transitioning your friendship needs from her as your "safe base" towards someone outside of the therapeutic environment.

If your therapist is unable to support you with this, you may need to consider seeking therapy from someone with specific training in attachment issues, otherwise your therapist's own limitations in this area may serve to re-enact the painful rejection you experienced as a child from your own mother.

I wish you the best in working through this. If you need any book recommendations, I can also provide you with those.

Dr. A. Rene
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I wanted to follow-up and see if you were able to talk things through with your therapist? I hope you continue to feel progress in your path towards healing! Some great books that I recommend are "The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists" and "Disarming the Narcissist"
Dr. A. Rene