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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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My brother, 63y.o. is staying with my family and me after

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My brother, 63y.o. is staying with my family and me after being jailed for a domestic abuse situation. He hurt himself in jail so we signed him over to our care until he is able to return home, which includes court dates and getting a restraining order dropped. All these things are in motion.
My issue is he has a laundry list of reasons for his behavior, is seeing a therapist and an attorney, but is lying to these people. He says he was severely abused from 3 years. We were not abused. Our home had problems, our parents were flawed but NOT abusive. He also is quite rude with all members of our family but states it's because he's bipolar so can't control his speech. He adopted the bipolar dx after his therapist suggested he might be. He has not been diagnosed by a psychiatrist. He is now exhibiting tantrums when he doesn't get his way or thinks he's been treated unfairly. Example, he was complaining he was out of his creamer and ice cream for his sole use. I didn't volunteer to run and get them so he left enraged. He is beginning to frighten me.
DoctorZ :

Hello I believe I can help you with your concern for your brother

DoctorZ :

I understand how his behavior can be distressful for you. May I ask has he always exhibited this type of behavior of not taking responsibility and angry outbursts, or is this a recent behavior?

Customer:

Actually as I think of it, he's been angry most of his life, blaming others, making poor choices.

DoctorZ :

Even when he was a child or adolescent?

Customer:

He was a sensitive kid and adolescent. I thought it made him moody. He is my older brother. He was also my molester! An older sister saved me after I told her and I forgave it as curiosity.

DoctorZ :

Oh wow, I am sorry that you had to go through that. I think your brother has a personality disorder called Antisocial Personality Disorder. Individuals with this disorder typically do not take responsibility for their own actions and have anger control issues.

Customer:

He is a highly social being but his relationships are often truncated due to his temper. does this fit the parameters of ASD?

DoctorZ :

Yes antisocial personality disorder does not mean that they are not social (that is actually asocial). Antisocial personality disorder is in reference to that these individuals do not usually follow the normal social fabric, they commit crimes, they lie, manipulate, they lack some empathy of others.

Customer:

Wow. I'm afraid this is sounding all too accurate. It also describes both of his wives. So my issue is to find a way to create some boundaries with this brother isn't it?

DoctorZ :

Individuals with this disorder are usually very resistant to treatment and particularly do not like boundaries because they view it as controlling, while instead they like to do the controlling. If he was honest about his issues during therapy, that can be a start for him to understand the boundaries that are being set. But if you want to set boundaries, you have to follow through with any rules that are broken or he will continue to push the boundaries further. I am assuming he would go back to jail if you did not take him in?

Customer:

yes

DoctorZ :

Then you can tell him that if he breaks the rules, then he will be sent back to jail. Tell him that you care for him and that you want to help him, but his behavior has to be more cooperative in the home

DoctorZ :

It is a tough approach, but it has to be done with someone with Antisocial Personality Disorder

Customer:

Thank you. I can't tell you how much of a relief it is to hear from a professional with obviously a clear view of what is happening. It is good to have a plan. I will be calling a family meeting for help implementing it. Thank you so much. Wish I could make you cookies.

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