Hi! I'll be glad to be of help with this issue.
I can imagine how distressing this situation must be for you. This is perhaps one of the worst situation we as parents imagine. You are a loving and caring parent and you are now facing one of the things that every parent today dreads: that your child has been molested.
You write that she has admitted this has occurred. I don't know if this is the only evidence you have at this time, but it sounds as though you accept that this did indeed occur even though kids her age don't necessarily know when they're saying something has happened to differentiate between what they think they're being led to say vs. what happened. But it sounds like you know this to have happened and I'm so sorry you are going through this; it really is scary and upsetting and so frustrating.
And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. You're right that having her work in therapy is important at this juncture. But there is the added concern here about a therapist's requirement to report the incident to Child Protective Services. This is a difficult and tricky situation. It will not affect your daughter most likely. It may, however, affect the 8 year old cousin and her parents. So I need to alert you to that possibility as you will need to discuss it with the therapist.
It should not, however, deter you from finding a therapist, which you recognize now is important.
Here is the web address for Psychology Today's therapist directory. You can sort by zip codes and when you see someone who seems like they might be helpful (you can see a photo of the therapist) look at the listing and see if they list children as their main population they work with or at least one of them. Speak with the therapist and then make a time to visit the office before committing to working with her/him. You want to make sure there's a place in the office where a 4.5 year old would be okay playing for an hour. And that there are things to play with. Play therapy is the most important part of therapy with kids.
Good Therapy is a non profit directory. Same idea as the one above:
You may also want to have some picture books to use in this. Here are some of the tried and true books to choose from to see which ones you want to use in this project with her. Your goal in these is to slowly (very important to do this slowly) integrate into the playful reading with her that private parts are private:
My Body Is Private by Linda Girard.
The Right Touch: A Read Aloud Book by Sandy Kleven.
Some Parts are not for Sharing by Julie Federico.
Those are My Private Parts by ***** *****sen.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, ***** *****