Mental Health

Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Mental Health
This answer was rated:

I've been having trouble getting over my ex girlfriend. I

Hi. I've been having trouble...
Hi. I've been having trouble getting over my ex girlfriend. I can't stop thinking about her and today I dreamt about her. We had a long distance relationship for almost 2 years. Apart from the distance things were great and we would often talk about marriage. But we come from different countries and our parents disapprove. So one day she stop texting me and then calls me and tells me her mom doesn't approve and that her life is in her country and she won't drop everything to come with me. I agree with her and we break up. For the next couple of months I'm alright no problem. Then one day I have a trip to her country. So old feelings start creeping up and I decide to text her. She replies but for example when I say I miss her she sidesteps it and talks about something else. She never initiates, I have to text first. I get to her country and I Ask if she wants to go for coffee and she says she thinks its a bad idea and "it's not good for her" I tell her ok and if she changed her mind she she should call me. The rest of the trip there is no contact. I get back home and a couple of days later I get a text wishing me a happy Ramadan. For the next couple of weeks I struggle with thinking about her and I talked about it to my parents and siblings. They all tell me to move on and it was never going to work out. I still had an inkling of hope that she would miss me. Then one day I found out she is already seeing someone else and she is in love with him. when i found out i broke down infront of my sister, i hyper ventilated and collapsed to the ground. So this whole time she was with someone else, she moved on. And I still can't stop thinking about her and the image of her with the other guy is killing me. I keep thinking about her and I'm becoming paranoid that maybe she left me for this guy. I need help and I want to stop thinking about her, I'm tired of thinking about her. I want to move on but I don't know how. I thought she was the one and I just can't believe it was so easy for her to move on. Please help me I'm tired and I'm so distraught that I sleep in my sisters room because I don't want to be alone and I'm 26 years old. What should I do?
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Answered in 5 minutes by:
7/29/2013
RealSupport
RealSupport, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3,191
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Verified
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this overwhelming experience.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

What you describe shows how much you attached to this person, to the expectations and dreams you built around her and your life together, and it is obvious you really felt like she was the one to become your life partner, what made it just shocking to find yourself out of her life the way it happened.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You trusted her and believed your love was reciprocated. Now you know that it's not been only about her family's resistance to accept you but her own decision to move on and date other people, otherwise she would have been grieving the loss and took much more time to heal and rebuild her romantic life.

Customer:

so what should I do?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is very sad, but it is real and you are showing symptoms of depression and anxiety, you have become obsessed with this person and continue to grieve the loss of what you had.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You need, more than psychiatric support, psychological treatment, psychotherapy is the best source of support for people to work on healing and rehabilitating from traumatic life issues, depression , anxiety and from any other mental health disorder.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You seem to be a very sensitive person, and that's why this painful situation has impacted you this much.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

But it does not mean you have to endlessly suffer because of it. You need to take this painful circumstance in your life as a chance for you to work on becoming wiser, stronger and more resilient, for you to take better care of yourself and know how to develop better, healthier and more fulfilling relationships. psychotherapy would help you process the painful emotions, develop necessary coping skills,a nd to plan how to take actions leading to your rehabilitation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I would not suggest you to to forget her nor your pain, but to become more aware of what happened, the core issues and differences between you, this way you would allow yourself to learn, heal and grow from this situations instead of staying traumatized by it.

Customer:

aware? as in contact her?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This painful situation, and the way it ended, what you found out whole visiting her, has triggered these depression and anxiety you suffer, disorders that would have developed if pushed by other painful life situations too, then please take this time and painful experiences as necessary for you to work on becoming stronger, more assertive and fulfilled.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I do not suggest you to keep any contact with her, once it is obvious it would not help you at all but deepen the attachment and the obsessions you have developed, thus worsening your mood and mental health.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Getting necessary psychological treatment would not make it harder for you, but it would allow you to better cope and to take good care of yourself, to rehabilitate from these disorders and learn from these experiences. Please do not delay getting psychological support. Psychiatric drugs could help you numbing some feelings and sensations, but they have no power to help you better coping nor to rehabilitate from these disorders, for that you need to work on yourself, with psychological support from professionals and from your family.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Customer:

yes it does. I had two girlfriends in my life. and the same situation happened to me with my first girlfriend. It occurs to me now that i need professional help. I just hope that in my country, Saudi Arabia, there are good psychologists.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You need to set your mental health and well-being as number one priorities now, gently pushing yourself, with necessary support to work on keep going with your life, to create and promote real meaning and fulfilment in it different areas, this way you would feel satisfied and grateful with yourself and with the way you shape your reality, taking full responsibility of everything that depends on you, without attaching to what depends on other people, nor to anything unhealthy.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to hear that. relationships are tough by themselves, and when we add physical distance to that, it just gets much more complicated and challenging. please allow yourself to learn from these experiences, psychotherapy would allow you to do this necessary process. In case you do not find a competent psychotherapist, also consider getting counseling support online, which would allow you to get similar support without the limitations physical location, lack of local expertise, culture and other factors impose in many places.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Using Google you could make a search for online counseling. Review at least three to fur different websites and their services in order to make the best choice, and do expect professional support. If you see the expert assisting you is nto that ethical or competent, just look for a better one.

Customer:

Thank you. Until I find a psychologist, is there a way to distract me from thinking about her?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Do anything but isolating yourself. Do not stay passive but gently push yourself to be around people who love and care about you, engage in daily productive, healthy and enjoyable activities, that keep you busy, where you can refocus your mind and energy, instead of fuelling the pain even more. Do not deny nor repress your feelings from what happened, but vent them and redirect yourself towards healthy and constructive activities.

Customer:

And what about the thoughts of her with her new boyfriend? they creep up and they are the worst! I found out about her with him when I saw her twitter. the way she wrote about him. thats the day I collapsed

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

These activities should include your physical body, emotions, social life, art, spirituality, work related responsibilities and any other activity that could be productive, healthy or enjoyable. If you do not feel with the mood to do any of these things, please do gently push yourself and work on it, since there is no other way to heal and make concrete changes work for you, this plus healthy with and support from your family, close friends and from psychotherapy, would allow you to get and feel better, just commit to it.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Do not expose yourself to that any longer, avoid using social networking or any other means of communication to know about her. This has become obsessive and that's why it needs to be confronted directly and in consistent ways.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Acknowledge the thoughts, the feelings you experience, but do not get trapped into them, fuelling them, making them stronger and more painful, rather confront such tendencies, and redirect yourself, mind-heart and body into productive, helpful, enjoyable activities, with the support from those who care about you. it's not easy but necessary and absolutely worthy.

Customer:

the problem is that they keep coming back. Even if I wanted to repress them I can't.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You do not need and should not try to repress them, that's why I said you need to acknowledge their presence, the pain, but instead of getting trapped into them, you would confront them reminding yourself of what you need and want in your life, which is to heal, grow and get better from this painful experience, and from there you would focus on taking consistent actions engaging into healthy-productive activities, instead of remaining passive thinking and suffering for what happened in the past.

Customer:

I realised how bad it got. 1st) like I said I had the same problem with my first girlfriend. I was so obsessed that I went to a hypno-therapist for help. I believe I only got over her when I met my second girlfriend. 2nd) I now relaize this is crazy but a couple of days ago I used to think that I need to date someone that looked like her because I wont be attracted or feel the same about someone like I felt about her.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You see then how it makes a lot of sense? You did not allow yourself to process the end and what you experienced in your first relationship, the obsessive pattern got worse and that seems to be a clear tendency undermining your ability to take good care of yourself, to choose a good potential match and actually work on building healthy and fulfilling relationships.

Customer:

Is there any more advice you can give me?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

My support is limited t this interface which is for general information only. This is why you need to look for professional support and commit to work on yourself with regular psychotherapy, where you could get the time and necessary steps to effectively work on everything related to this situation and anything related to it. If you review what I have already suggested, you would see that it is a lot indeed, but without you taking consistent actions, nothing would improve, since reality is about actions, what we do moment by moment more than about hopes and fears. then please review our chat and focus on taking actions with necessary support.

Customer:

thank you so much Doctor. I will do as you said

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Perfect! Thank you for being this open and honest here, for trusting me. Please take gentle care and consistent action,and feel free to let me know how everything goes, I'd love to follow up and support you as possible.

Customer:

how can I follow up?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Just post any new questions here but directing them to me, including my name in them, and I would know it is you and would reply as soon as possible.

Customer:

ok I will

Customer:

thank you so much for your help

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Good. You're very welcome. Bye for now.

RealSupport
RealSupport, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3,191
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Verified
RealSupport and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask RealSupport Your Own Question
RealSupport
RealSupport
RealSupport, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3,191
3,191 Satisfied Customers
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach

RealSupport is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much

Corrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well!

ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion.

KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
I feel better already! Thank you.

ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.

JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions.

John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!!

Janet VPhoenix, AZ

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Dr. Keane

Dr. Keane

Therapist

1,379 satisfied customers

Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

TherapistMarryAnn

TherapistMarryAnn

Therapist

4,021 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

Dr. Olsen

Dr. Olsen

Psychologist

2,336 satisfied customers

PsyD Psychologist

Norman M.

Norman M.

Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

2,246 satisfied customers

ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Dr. Michael

Dr. Michael

Psychologist

2,177 satisfied customers

Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.

Steven Olsen

Steven Olsen

Therapist

1,728 satisfied customers

More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Anna

Anna

Mental Health Professional

1,656 satisfied customers

Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.

< Previous | Next >

Related Mental Health Questions
My daughter is in a terrible state. She feels as if she is
My daughter is in a terrible state. She feels as if she is close to a breakdown as she cannot control her anxiety. I am with her now just chatting to keep her calm. She is very weepy and can't sleep b… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
Been to many doctors over the past year and everything comes
Been to many doctors over the past year and everything comes back normal. One said Its my anxiety causing all my physical symptoms. What are some physical symptoms of anxiety… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
I just got back recently with my ex girlfriend... we been
I just got back recently with my ex girlfriend... we been back together for 2 weeks now and in the middle had one serious argument. After the argument i apologized cuz it was my misjudgement. She acce… read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
4,021 satisfied customers
My daughter is a sociopath. How to deal with her?
How to deal with a sociopath daughter? She is 24, lives at home. She constantly makes up these crazy lies, whether it is to her friends or her family. When we talk to her, she shows no emotion, never … read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
4,021 satisfied customers
I'm just going to get straight to the point I went to the
Hi I'm Kim and I'm just going to get straight to the point I went to the hospital mabey two weeks ago because I woke up one night feeling hot and my heart was racing and it's been going on for a while… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
Ever since i was little i had ocd. It started with
Ever since i was little i had ocd . It started with conpulsive hand washing and thibga of the routine nature to obessive unwanted thoughts. I had thoughts of harming myself,others , being gay and over… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
I just found out that my husband of 8 yrs has cheated on me
I just found out that my husband of 8 yrs has cheated on me multiple times and has come forward as a sex addict. For the sake of recovery, he has confessed all of his sexual relations. The worst of th… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
I have a serious phobia of HIV and it has taken over my
I have a serious phobia of HIV and it has taken over my life, i have been suffering since the last 1 year and have tested myself many a times, this started because of a moderately unsafe behaviour but… read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
4,021 satisfied customers
I put in a question earlier and it was directed to a legal
I put in a question earlier and it was directed to a legal professsional but I would like to know from the mental health side if I am thinking correctly about getting my daughter therapy for all that … read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
794 satisfied customers
I am a psychiatric outpatient in new jersey, i am prescribed
i am a psychiatric outpatient in new jersey, i am prescribed medications, i don't recall the details of my treatment plan, with regards ***** ***** what is prescribed, and adjusting or discontinuing m… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
I am looking for a new psychiatrist and any programs for my
I am looking for a new psychiatrist and any programs for my daughter. She is 23 and bipolar. … read more
llw26
llw26
Private Practice
Doctoral Degree
11 satisfied customers
I have sever PTSD and panic attacks. As of late they have
I have sever PTSD and panic attacks. As of late they have become debilitating. I'm having to skip work. Nightmares almost every night. … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
Is there a psychiatric diagnosis for someone, as an example
Is there a psychiatric diagnosis for someone, as an example a nurse, who fabricates and/or exaggerates situations or a patient's symptoms in order to gain attention for “handling” and/or “resolving” t… read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
4,021 satisfied customers
I have a question about derealization. story short i had
i have a question about derealization. Long story short i had anxiety for years/still do. I was prescribed some sort of benzo and took it as needed for some years. Sometimes i would take this daily fo… read more
Dr. Vikas
Dr. Vikas
Associate Professor
M.D (Psychiatry)
33 satisfied customers
I had been on Ativan for awhile because of severe anxiety.
I had been on Ativan for awhile because of severe anxiety. My psychiatrist recently switched me to klonopin to help with the weaning process. I still seem to have anxiety and nausea. Is this a common … read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
My Dr. took me off xanax that I have been in for 15years,
My Dr. took me off xanax that I have been in for 15years, cold turkey, I can stand it. I also keep testing positive for meth. I am not on meth, I tried it years ago and my horrible anxiety will not to… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
794 satisfied customers
I suffer from OCD, anxiety and depression. My OCD manifests
Hello Everyone,I suffer from OCD, anxiety and depression. My OCD manifests itself in several ways: religious, bad thoughts, health anxiety, running over someone with my car...it's awful!For the past m… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
Leah,how are you? I have been doing a lot better with
Hi Leah,how are you? I have been doing a lot better with controlling the compulsions but I had a trigger yeasterday after watching a tv dissociative amesia this is not what's happened to me?… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x