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Ask Dr. A. Rene Your Own Question
Dr. A. Rene
Dr. A. Rene, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 16
Experience:  10 years of clinical experience with expertise in trauma related disorders.
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I am at 42 year old woman survivor of sex abuse from step

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I am at 42 year old woman survivor of sex abuse from step father and step brother from age of 6 to 11.... My mom is no longer married to my step father but once a year he comes into town to visit her.... She knows that he abused me ... But still talks to him and allows him to visit... I want to confront the two of them together to ask why he still visits and why she wants to see a man that abused her daughter and still continues to cause emotional pain... Thoughts?
Dr. A. Rene :

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing it is stupid.” – Einstein

Dr. A. Rene :

This sounds like a very difficult emotional challenge that you are wanting to take on.

I would be happy to support you in working through your thoughts/feelings on this when you are back online.

My best regards,
Dr. A
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
thx for the thoughts... Is it appropriate to discuss with my mom and tell her my feelings? She is a wonderful grandma to my 4 yr old son.... Will it help if I also call my ex step dad to tell him I don't think it's nice to continue relationship my mom? I did confront him back when I was 20 and in college and he said he was sorry to me then....I haven't had contact with him since..

I believe this is a very difficult situation you find yourself in. I feel that you have several questions to pose to yourself.
1) What would be your goal in confronting your mother? How would you feel if she chose to continue her relationship with your ex-stepfather despite your expressed concerns?
2) Is your 4 year old ever present when your ex-stepfather is around?
3) What would be your goal in confronting your ex-stepfather? Since you have chosen not to have ongoing contact with him and have made your feelings known to him, isn't it your mother who you have ongoing concerns with? Would you be willing to cut off contact with her if she chooses to have him as a part of her life?

I understand these are VERY difficult questions to think about... and they are also VERY important. At this point you have to focus on you and your son and what relationships in your life feel safe and which ones pull you back into unsafe feelings...

Dr. A

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Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thx for posing those questions to me...great perspective and things that I can think son is never allowed to be with my mom if my stepfather comes to town...I set that rule 3years ago... So no worries of safety... You've motivated me to go and seek more counseling thru my work program. Thx
That's great! You are very courageous for taking care of yourself! My best to you and your son! You are amazing and enough no matter what!

Dr. A.