Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.
When two people get into a relationship, they bring their past issues with them. Each has their own set of behaviors, wants and expectations. Because of this, relationships can become difficult if these issues are not dealt with because they not only affect the person that has them, but they begin to affect their partner as well.
It sounds like you have been experiencing trust issues for a while now. Because you grew up in a home where there was abuse between your parents, particularly by your father who cheated and physically and verbally abused your mother, your only reference for a relationship/marriage was what your father did
. You were not able to develop the trust you needed to know that most men in relationships can be trusted and not be abusive.
While trust is the foundation of any relationship and is needed so the relationship can be stable and continue, your boyfriend has not done anything to warrant your distrust. And when you act in a manner towards him that indicates that you don't trust him, he is going to be upset by that. So the key here is to learn how to treat your boyfriend just based on his behavior, and not your past experience.
To deal with how you feel, you need to first accept that this is your issue and not your boyfriends. He is with you and you do need to be able to trust him, but making him prove he can be trusted when he has not done anything to not be trusted is putting your burden on him. What needs to happen instead is for you to tell him that you have an issue with trust, it is not his fault, but that you are asking his support while you work it out. That will make him feel better and also let him understand if you do need reassurance.
The next step is to work on your trust issues. While therapy is the best way to address why you feel as you do and what you can do about it, you can also learn a lot through self help. Here are some resources to help get you started:
The Courage to Trust: A Guide to Building Deep and Lasting Relationships by Cynthia Lynn Wall LCSW and Sue Patton Thoele
Building Trust: How To Get It! How To Keep It! by Hyler Bracey Ph.D.
Most of all, make sure you communicate your feelings to your boyfriend. As long as you make this a situation where the two of you are together instead of about you needing to trust him, you will strengthen your relationship rather than let this issue affect you both.
I hope this has helped you,
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