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I'm in so much emotional pain right now and All i can think

Hi, I'm in so much emotional...
Hi,
I'm in so much emotional pain right now and All i can think about is my therapist,
She is on my mind 24 hours a day as soon as I wake up I think of her, I feel like I'm in love with her but it's stronger it's like an infatuation. I think about what she's doing whether I should call her about a problem, what should I wear to therapy! I realise I cannot have a relationship with nor do I want to. Why do I have such intense feelings of love, lust and infatuation for this woman. And even had sexual fantasies about her. When I do see her I feel extremely ashamed and embarrassed. Of course she doesn't know about these feelings but I just feel like she can see them. It makes me feel completely out of control. I never felt like this about anybody before its deep really deep so deep it's painful,
I'm not sure what's going on I've dealt with transference before with a
Therapist but this is stronger deeper more obsessive.
Should I quit therapy, even though she's the first person I have trusted in years?
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Answered in 1 hour by:
7/12/2013
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Verified
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help you.

You seem to be very well versed in the concepts of transference (and countertransference) so we do not need to discuss the aspects of why this occurs. You want to know what you can do about it.

You cannot control your feelings for your therapist. You cannot simply turn them off. You must not fear them. You should not be ashamed of them. These feelings are not uncommon and they do not cross any therapeutic boundaries.

The first and most difficult step is to talk to her about your feelings. She is trained in the issues of transference and you can discuss them openly. She should be able to talk to you openly and without incurring embarrassment on your part, or hers. Initiating this discussion should begin the path back to being able to handle your feelings and reduce their intensity.

The process may be more difficult for you because of the extreme intensity of your feelings, but taking the time to work this out should become, for the moment, front and center in your therapy. You will work it out.

Of course she cannot return your feelings of love in any form whatsoever, and it is a breach of professional ethics in the UK and elsewhere. In the unlikely event that she returns those feelings you should consider ending your relationship with her. As a professional, however, she will not.

Falling in love with a therapist is a normal process and indicates that she is a vital force in solving your essential problems. You cannot escape these feelings, but you can work them out and keep up this vital relationship without letting it go to ruin. Talk to her as soon as possible.

Let me recommend two excellent books for you that will give you a tremendous amount of insight and support.



Between Therapist & Client: The New Relationship by Michael Kahn

And



Transference And Projection: Mirrors to the Self (Core Concepts in Therapy) by Jan Grant and Jim Crawley

If I can be of further assistance, please do not hesitate to get back to me. Helping you resolve your issues is my foremost aim and I will be happy to assist you as needed.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help you.

You seem to be very well versed in the concepts of transference (and countertransference) so we do not need to discuss the aspects of why this occurs. You want to know what you can do about it.

You cannot control your feelings for your therapist. You cannot simply turn them off. You must not fear them. You should not be ashamed of them. These feelings are not uncommon and they do not cross any therapeutic boundaries.

The first and most difficult step is to talk to her about your feelings. She is trained in the issues of transference and you can discuss them openly. She should be able to talk to you openly and without incurring embarrassment on your part, or hers. Initiating this discussion should begin the path back to being able to handle your feelings and reduce their intensity.

The process may be more difficult for you because of the extreme intensity of your feelings, but taking the time to work this out should become, for the moment, front and center in your therapy. You will work it out.

Of course she cannot return your feelings of love in any form whatsoever, and it is a breach of professional ethics in the UK and elsewhere. In the unlikely event that she returns those feelings you should consider ending your relationship with her. As a professional, however, she will not.

Falling in love with a therapist is a normal process and indicates that she is a vital force in solving your essential problems. You cannot escape these feelings, but you can work them out and keep up this vital relationship without letting it go to ruin. Talk to her as soon as possible.

Let me recommend two excellent books for you that will give you a tremendous amount of insight and support.

Between Therapist & Client: The New Relationship by Michael Kahn

And

Transference And Projection: Mirrors to the Self (Core Concepts in Therapy) by Jan Grant and Jim Crawley

If I can be of further assistance, please do not hesitate to get back to me. Helping you resolve your issues is my foremost aim and I will be happy to assist you as needed.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

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Customer reply replied 4 years ago
I suffer with abandonment issues and I'm petrified she's going to
Run in the other direction, what if she refuses to see me after my
Revalation, am I right in saying you think my
Obsession with her is normal? It doesn't feel normal, I feel like I'm going crazy...
Dear friend,

You seem as if you may have Borderline Personality Disorder (because of abandonment issues).

She is a professional. Please do not hesitate to tell her your fears.

Because you have been abandoned earlier in life, you cling desperately to someone who has shown you so much regard and understanding, and the thought of losing that - feeling abandoned again - is impossibly agonizing.

This obsession is something that often happens. In your case there is that much more pressure and anxiety about losing her.

Tell her. She will not abandon you at your moment of greatest need. She will use this revelation in a positive manner for your understands your needs. I am sure that she is very fond of you but as a professional she will not cross those boundaries with you. She cannot.

Neither will she abandon you. Tell her everything. She will understand and she will stick by you.

I shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Verified
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Customer reply replied 4 years ago
Thank you!
I have often thought I have some borderline traits.
I will speak to her about this in my next session.
Thanks for your input, I don't feel as anxious about the situation now.
Your are very welcome. I am so glad to have helped. Speaking frankly to her will help a lot.

Thank you and may God bless you.

Elliott
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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
7,664 Satisfied Customers
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.

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