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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5334
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
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Been with my partner 14 months, friends for two years

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Been with my partner 14 months, friends for two years before. Very in love, no doubt we'd be together forever. Have been very happy. I had been on citalopram 40mg for 15 years and stopped in Feb, cut down v gradually. Relationship had been great, lots of sex, a few niggles but nothing major and I always discuss problems. Two weeks ago we had small row which escalated and I left. Now I don't feel anything for her, beI g with her feels wrongoing even though I know it felt right till I left. I don't feel anything for her. I've spent two weeks trying to work out what was wrong and theres nothing, we were happy. She is distraught and thinks this is depression but I don't feel depressed, being with her feels wrong but I have no reason for this. Do you think I need to go back on medication

Hi! I'll be glad to be of help with this issue.

I can imagine how confusing this situation must be for you. You are clearly a caring person and are surprised by the "deadness" of your feelings toward her. Your description is unusual, it's true:

You don't describe any other symptoms of depression. None. So I can see why you are wondering so much what's going on here. That she's convinced it's depression is understandable, but she seems like a fine person as well and so is grasping for some way to make sense of this new attitude you're having. That by itself, though, is not enough of a diagnostic criterion or certainty to warrant remedicating. Remember: antidepressants are powerful medications; they are not dispensed unless there is a clear need in case they are rendered ineffective in future times when there is real need.

The way to determine for yourself whether you need to take medications again is a two step process. First, let me link a couple of checklists for you. The first is by Dr. David Burns. He's a psychiatrist who for the last 30 years has been the leading voice in the treatment of depression disorders. The value of this checklist is most in showing you the diagnostic criteria we look at when judging if there truly is a depressive disorder or if there is instead a life situation needing to be worked on:

This next is a checklist that is more "consumer" oriented and so a lot more dramatic. But it gives a good sense of the "dark" feelings that pervade depressive disorders:

If you find that there are a number of dimensions in your life that are being affected, and not just a "deadening" of feeling toward her, then you might decide right away to seek medications. If you're unsure, then you should make the second step psychotherapy. The opportunity here is to gain a greater insight yourself toward yourself, who you are inside, and what might be happening between your partner and your feelings towards her. Let me give you two directories to look at that are good. You should focus on finding a psychologist or psychotherapist in your area who practices in a psychodynamic orientation along with CBT for practical skills.

The NHS is reportedly not very comprehensive or quick with therapy, so you might want to contact a psychotherapist on your own and see if they will work on a sliding scale if you need to. If your doctor isn't able to refer to anyone, here is the web address for the UK association of humanistic psychotherapists. Ask them there if they do CBT work as well as psychodynamic therapy or if they can refer you to someone. Here's the web site; they have a search for therapists there.

Here is the British Psychology Society's directory:

Okay, I wish you the very best!

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