Mental Health

Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Mental Health
This answer was rated:

I have serious issues in building new relationships and

trusting people. I was molested...
I have serious issues in building new relationships and trusting people. I was molested as a child and feel like this prevents me from ever trusting anyone. I met someone about 6 months ago who I dated and they cheated me. They were my first boyfriend (im gay) and did and said all the right things but finally betrayed me. Even so, I still love him and think about him everyday. I'm also educated and from a good family, but I feel like I have no meaningful relationships to rely on. Since breaking up with my ex I've been on several dates, with some really nice guys. One was really great and 'came back to' my place, but I couldn't 'get excited'. I feel even more ashamed about myself now. I just don't 'feel' anything, other than feeling empty and worthless. I can't see anyone ever loving me. How do I start to take steps to building meaningful relationships? How do I start to 'like' people and be interested in things again?
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Answered in 2 minutes by:
7/7/2013
Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10,643
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Verified
DoctorZ :

Hello I believe I can help you with your issues and concerns

DoctorZ :

I am so sorry that you were molested as a child and I understand how that can effect you in building relationships

DoctorZ :

It sounds like the reason for your disinterest in these men that you have dated after your break up is because you still have strong feelings for your ex...in basic terms you are not over him

Customer:

I guess I'm just at the point where i'm prepared to try and face things, but I don't know really where to start... I appear to be quite 'confident' on the outside, but I just don't 'feel' much to anything, like i've made myself numb to feeling emotion

DoctorZ :

Before you met your ex-boyfriend how were you in relationships?

Customer:

He was the first person I ever 'really' opened up to ...it actually makes me feel phsyically sick when I think about him

Customer:

I wasn't. I never allowed myself to be in a relationship really. I had slept with a few guys, but for the most part just ignored that part of my life. Focused on study and other things to distract me from it.

DoctorZ :

So is it safe to say that he was your first love?

Customer:

I would say that is the case, yes

DoctorZ :

Why do you think your ex was different? Why do you think you opened up to him and not the other guys you dated before him?

Customer:

There was just something exciting about him. He had everything I would've wanted in a partner. Smart, interesting, confident, attractive. But I guess the over-riding feeling is that he really seemed to actually like me. Take a 'real' interest in what I do. He portrayed himself as loyal and honest. And that's what I found so attractive. But obviously, in the end, he wasn't.

DoctorZ :

I am sorry he betrayed your trust like that

DoctorZ :

Meaningful relationships start with mutual attraction and trust typically

DoctorZ :

It is hard to form relationships because you have to be vulnerable to that person, and its even harder when people you were vulnerable to in the past took advantage of that

Customer:

I am trying to make a conscious effort to be more open with people. It's taken me a long time to get to the point where I was confident enough to enter a relationship. And when I do I am betrayed. I am willing to try and be open, in an attempt to form a meaningful relationship, i'm just finding it near impossible to open up. Is there anything I can do to address the issues specifically? Or to help to be more open?

DoctorZ :

Well there are some things that you can do. I would definitely not recommend being so open right away, you should build trust with your partner.

DoctorZ :

Share some things that are personal at first that you wouldnt just tell anyone.

DoctorZ :

Be confident in the relationship too, do things that he wants to do and things you want to do, this shows mutual connection and help you feel more comfortable with him and then you feel more inclined to open up

DoctorZ :

Reinforce yourself too, if you open up to someone congratulate yourself and acknowledge that you took a big step no matter what the result is

DoctorZ :

I know that things did not work out with your ex, but you have to acknowledge that you took a big step opening up and being in a relationship with someone. While it ended badly, that was not your fault or your choice and it doesnt negate the positive steps you took to open up to someone

Customer:

Thank you. I have one more question in this regard. I broke up with my ex, but i still talk to him. Every time I do it makes me feel alot of pain, because I still like him so much. Part of me wants to cut him out my life completely. I feel like by ignoring him entirely it will allow me to start to work towards getting over him and moving on. On the other hand, I don't know how I feel about throwing away a relationship like this. Part of me 'thinks' that I could get back together with im. But i KNOW this is not going to be the best option. Should I just respectfully ***** ***** it hurts too much to continue talking to him and that we should go our separate ways? Or should I try be mature and maintain a good friendship?

DoctorZ :

Well this is a tricky area and it really depends on you and your level of comfort. I agree with everything you said and that its possible keeping him in your life may prevent you from moving on, but will continue a friendship and that letting him go could mean ending a strong friendship, but will allow you to move on. I think you have to weigh the benefits and costs...if you feel you can still maintain a friendship with him and move on, then I say keep him in your life. If you think it is just too painful with him being in your life and that you need to let him go to move on, then I see let him go. One compromise you can do to help give yourself perspective is tell him that you need some space and that you want to see how you do by not talking with him for at least a couple weeks

DoctorZ :

This will allow you to see what it is like without him in your life, but it wont be as permanent as saying I never want to see you again, so you can always go back to a friendship

Customer:

Thank you, ***** ***** a lot of sense and I guess it's always difficult to have the 'right answers'. I will at least try give myself some space from him. I think it will help to just alleviate some of the stress, and if he isn't wiling to accept that then I can deal with the fact he wasn't worth it to begin with. IN your view, what would you recommend by way of treatment or therapy for my issues. I'm not talking about just my 'relationship blues'. I think I have some more deep seeded issues as a result of being molested as a child, being gay (not entirely openly) which have culminated into my issues in relationships. Other feelings i have include feelings that i can't achieve anything, or feeling tired and having no motivation. These have been around for years, and sort've come in waves of good and bad times. Not 'intense' waves, but they've been regular for a while. Do you think this is depression? I've never asked anyone about it or spoken to a doctor or anything about this.

DoctorZ :

I would recommend a therapist that specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, this will help with the past child abuse you suffered, the difficulties of coming out, and your relationship issues

Customer:

what would this involve? Would I need to speak to a doctor about this first?

DoctorZ :

As far as your symptoms it could be a possible mild form of PTSD from your past abuse as a child, but I am leaning towards a diagnosis of Dysthymic Disorder, which is a mild form of depression, but longer lasting

DoctorZ :

Well I can help you out with possibly finding someone, can I ask what city and state you live in?

Customer:

I live in Brisbane, Australia. We have free medical here for the most part, I also have private health care, but am a student so can't afford alot. I have never really known where to look to find these things, but I would really like to start addressing these issues and overcoming them.

DoctorZ :

Okay give me a minute to see what I can find for you. Most therapists give a sliding scale for patients that are low income especially students, so that can be an option for you

DoctorZ :

So here is one place that looks good

Customer:

I didn't know that, thank you. I'm also really surprised, I am reading about Dysthymia and it rings very, very, true with my situation and feelings. Thanks, ***** ***** like this has been really positive in helping me to understanding why I feel the way I do.

DoctorZ :

No problem I am happy to help in anyway I can. Let me see if I can find some more therapists for you

DoctorZ :

In addition, you said you were a student. Sometimes colleges/universities provide free mental health care on campus, so that is one option as well

DoctorZ :

Is there anything else I can help you with today?

Customer:

Thank you. I've saved the links. The first one is actually really close to where I live. Ill make a booking with that and go from there. No, you've given me what I needed, just an understanding of 'where to go from here', so thank you.

DoctorZ :

Good luck and I wish you the best. Let me know if you have any other questions or concerns in the future.

Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10,643
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Verified
Dr. Z and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask Dr. Z Your Own Question
Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10,643
10,643 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.

Dr. Z is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much

Corrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well!

ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion.

KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
I feel better already! Thank you.

ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.

JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions.

John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!!

Janet VPhoenix, AZ

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Dr. Keane

Dr. Keane

Therapist

1,379 satisfied customers

Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

TherapistMarryAnn

TherapistMarryAnn

Therapist

3,984 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

Dr. Olsen

Dr. Olsen

Psychologist

2,336 satisfied customers

PsyD Psychologist

Norman M.

Norman M.

Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

2,246 satisfied customers

ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Dr. Michael

Dr. Michael

Psychologist

2,177 satisfied customers

Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.

Steven Olsen

Steven Olsen

Therapist

1,728 satisfied customers

More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Anna

Anna

Mental Health Professional

1,656 satisfied customers

Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.

< Previous | Next >

Related Mental Health Questions
I am having terrible guilt and shame about things I did in
I am having terrible guilt and shame about things I did in my past which have suddenly come to my consciousness - when I was about 16 I was extremely sexual and ended up sniffing knickers on a number … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
720 satisfied customers
Leah,I had a question I did get to mention yesterday..the
Hi Leah,I had a question I did get to mention yesterday..the thread was getting a bit to long anyway lol… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
720 satisfied customers
I did ask a male professional earlier about my problem, but
I did ask a male professional earlier about my problem, but it would be great to get a female psychologists view also. My husband and I have not had sex in 6 years. He had a mild stroke 5 years ago, b… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
723 satisfied customers
My husband call me a, he did it today. I told him under no
My husband call me a bitch, he did it today. I told him under no circumstances do you have the right to call a woman a bitch. He also tells me that I am miserable. Everytime he starts a fight. … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
720 satisfied customers
Its kind of imbarrising.. I did realize I could chat to some
its kind of imbarrising.. I did realize I could chat to some one on here … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
My doctor switched me from sertraline to viibryd. I did one
My doctor switched me from sertraline to viibryd. I did one week of 10 mg, then 2 weeks of 20 mg, now back to 10mg so I can switch back to sertraline. I don't like viibryd. How can I safely switch bac… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
203 satisfied customers
Dear Dr. Keane, just a quick message to say that I did not
Dear Dr. Keane, just a quick message to say that I did not get that job, enough time has passed by to now know this. I've plenty to say, but not plenty of time this week as my gran is now visiting, so… read more
Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane
Therapist
Doctoral Degree
1,379 satisfied customers
I have a friend who says she has DID but she doesn't meet
I have a friend who says she has DID but she doesn't meet the criteria. Her alters are dead people. Mostly characters from Movies or Musicals like Phantom of the Opera. Would this behavior be a sympto… read more
llw26
llw26
Private Practice
Doctoral Degree
11 satisfied customers
Why some people get angry if other people point out they did
Why some people get angry if other people point out they did wrong things? I would think when people know they did wrong things they should feel sorry and try to correct. Thanks.… read more
llw26
llw26
Private Practice
Doctoral Degree
11 satisfied customers
Dear Dr. Keane, I did what you suggested about my dad.
Dear Dr. Keane,I did what you suggested about my dad. Actually, I spoke to my mum too and she's right, it just is not his kind of thing, to get support. You were right, when I initially brought up the… read more
Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane
Therapist
Doctoral Degree
1,379 satisfied customers
Thank you. I did download a book about a little boy with
Thank you. I did download a book about a little boy with autism, from the perspective of an autistic child, but it turned out to be 64 pages long and just a little too grown up -- even though it menti… read more
Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark
Doctoral Degree
129 satisfied customers
My husband lied to me about his. He did cheat on his ex-wife
My husband lied to me about his. He did cheat on his ex-wife after all. Now he says I am sticking my nose into his business. … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
720 satisfied customers
My wife and I did some role reversal consisting of her being
My wife and I did some role reversal consisting of her being dominant. Domestic discipline and domination. SometiMrs she makes me wear panties. I find embarrassing but arousing too. The whole mentalk … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
720 satisfied customers
I had lung surgery 2 months ago. Why did I feel this was one
I had lung surgery 2 months ago. Why did I feel this was one of the best days of my life. This is not normal. And I am not saying this because it saved my life, but because of the treatment and everyt… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
723 satisfied customers
I wanted to know how can I distinguish did my gf leave
I wanted to know how can I distinguish did my gf leave because of suspected "psychosis" or she just doesn't wanna be with me I haven't heard anything from her since November 17th this is out of charac… read more
Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Psychologist
10,643 satisfied customers
Have DID. totally dissociated for the first time the other
have DID. totally dissociated for the first time the other day in therapy and embarrassed self. now terrified to face therapist again. any ideas how to calm anxiety and face therapist?… read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
3,984 satisfied customers
I've been having serious guilt over something I did in the
I've been having serious guilt over something I did in the past. It all triggered when I saw a kid that used to live on my street. I'm 18 now. At the time of incident I was about 11/12 and the kid was… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
723 satisfied customers
I did a no no and tried to look up articles about what I
I did a no no and tried to look up articles about what I have and how pure O can sometimes be misdiagnosed as pedophila! Well I read a comment where one person says even if they've had these thoughts … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
720 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x