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Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4673
Experience:  MD Psychiatry
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I am currently having disturbing thoughts that are

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I am currently having disturbing thoughts that are constantly on my mind(mainly shooting people). As I write this I feel rather embarrassed and ashamed, I am not sure if many people feel this way or whether it is abnormal to think like this. The weird thing is, is that I could never imagine stabbing, strangling someone etc because it seems to violent but the thought of shooting someone seems easy and quick. When I think these thoughts I get rather nervous and spend hours in my bed just lying there trying to get the thought out of my head, I start to sweat and feel uncomfortable. The weird thing is though, that when I think of the thought I feel uncomfortable but I don't feel sad about having the thought just uncomfortable.
I have done some research and many say that this is a sign of OCD, I am not sure if I am OCD or not though? I remember when I was younger I had this obsession of having to do everything in 3's. For example I had to drink 3 cups of water, go to the bathroom 3 times before I went to sleep etc but this isn't so bad anymore. In addition to this, I often bottle up my emotions and feel anger as I often believe that people ignore me and think of me as a loser. I am scared that I may act out on these feelings but I don't think I will.
I come from a very loving and normal family, I am seen as someone who is always nice to everyone on the outside.
I am not sure if I am dealing with OCD, depression,anxiety or whether I am just a highly emotional person?
Thank you

Greetings !

Welcome to the site.

I am Dr. Kaushik and I believe I can help you with your problem.

1) Yes your thoughts seem to be on the lines of OCD trait as is your past behavioral pattern but I need to probe it further so I will like to ask you whether these dangerous negative thoughts are incited by some emotional trauma or have these thoughts developed on their own without any preceding stressor/trauma ?

2) Also please tell how is your mood ? Has it been sad most of the day for several days , are there frustration and irritability looming large underneath your calm exterior?

I will get back to you once you answer my queries.


Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi they have developed without any preceding stress or trauma. For the most part my mood is fine but it does fluctuate, sometimes I get frustrated as I see my friends etc doing fun things in the holidays and I feel excluded and get jealous. I do get irritated and have aggressive thoughts for no apparent reason, I don't externally show my anger but internally I picture myself beating people and doing some not so nice things. Like I said shooting people often comes to mind as I think its quick and less violent, I will watch a movie or play a game and see it happening very causally.I often rage for no reason but like I said it is an internal rage and not an external one.

I feel a bit embarrassed by this, sorry if I sound very strange

Thanks for the valuable inputs.

Well it seems like internally you are not at ease with yourself and because inherently you are overly sensitive person so a minor setback in your personal and social life drives you to become irritable and angry which you internalize instead of showing it to others and this sort of pattern has now become a routine and invariably this leads you to think negatively and also leads to procrastination.

Also as mentioned above I can see that you have obsessional tendencies/traits although you are still not suffering from OCD but if you continue to deal with your life setbacks like this then there is a good chance that this may lead to development of a full blown OCD.

So now what I suggest to counter your problem is that you got to bring a closure to this patterned way of thinking and this can be done with the help of an anti depressant such as Lexapro ( escitalopram) at dose of 10-20 mg/ day or Zoloft ( sertraline) at dose of 50-150 mg / day , any one of these can be used to counter your negative, violent thoughts and also obsessional traits/ tendency. Plus this same very drug will bring peace of mind and make you calmer in dealing with situations which do not go as per your liking.

Another alternative to the drug use is to seek therapy from a clinical psychologist. CBT ( Cognitive Behavior Therapy) is considered to be very effective in condition like yours but this treatment option is slow in it's onset of actions as it takes several weeks for this therapy to help your thought process while drug therapy will start it's action within 2-3 weeks.

I hope this helps.

Wish you all the best.

Please kindly leave a positive rating if you are satisfied with the answer.


Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi thanks for the reply but I don't really want my parents to find out as I think they would be devastated knowing that I have these thoughts... it will be very awkward for me bringing this up and I think I would need to in order to get the medicine etc.

Am I a danger to society with the way I think and do many people have such thoughts or am I a rare case in this regard? I believe that what you said in the first sentence " I am not at ease with myself" is particularly true, I often always think about myself becoming extremely rich, driving fast cars etc so that people can see I live a "good life" as I believe this will boost my self esteem

You see I am afraid that your thoughts if continue to persist over a period of time then they may compel you in your emotionally weak moments to carry out some actions which may not only be dangerous but may put your future and life in jeopardy.

So to be very honest I strongly feel that you got to start yourself on an anti depressant , preferably any one of the drugs mentioned above which shall stop this vicious cycle which has the potential to spiral out of control and make things worse for you. More importantly the feeling of being not at ease within yourself will be taken care of with the use of this anti depressant.

So please think over this and gather some courage and consult your Family doctor preferably after discussion with your parents about all of this. You see this is all for your own good and believe me as of now nothing has happened so this is the right time to put an end to these thoughts and I believe your parents will take this revelation in the right spirit and help you in your endeavor to fight it out. So please do not hesitate from discussing with your parents and do not underestimate their strength , as a family I am sure you all will be able to fight your problem.

I hope this helps.

Wish you all the best.


Dr. Kaushik and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

ok thank you :)

Take care.