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TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5808
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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my friend is involved with a scammer who currently lives in

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my friend is involved with a scammer who currently lives in Mexico...she feel's that she is in love with him..he is much younger than her & I think she want's him to be her 'knight in shining armour'....she has given him money...they meet up when she can get away...sometime's he is in the U.S. for business..twice she has gone to Mexico to see him..the whole thing is straining our friendship.....i told her last Nov. after she found out he got married in Nigeria that I didn't want to know about it anymore thinking she would come to her senses.....she & I went to Jamaica on vacation this April & she called him so I knew then that they were still involved..then the week after we got home she went to the U. S. to see him again..she has been married for 25 year's..three grown kid's..problem's in the marriage I feel sometime's for her safety & the fact that something could happen & she could get caught & her whole world will fall apart.. she know's in her head that it is not right but as she said to me" it is like an addiction to her"....I am at the point where I am thinking the friendship should end...maybe I don't want to be around to pick up the pieces
Hello, I'd like to help you with your problem.

It sounds like your friend is trying to fulfill an unmet need through the relationship with this man. Something is not right in your friend's life but instead of dealing with it directly, such as with her unhappy marriage, she is trying to fulfill her needs through an unrealistic relationship.

You are right to suspect this man as taking advantage of your friend since no one who is working and traveling as well as married to someone else should be asking anyone they do not know well for money. That is a sure sign that something is not right.

It sounds like you have done all you can to address this problem with your friend. You have been there for her, given her good advice and tried to help her see that what she is doing is wrong for her. But it sounds like her need to avoid her problems and escape is stronger than her ability to think logically in this situation.

It is certainly fine for you to end the friendship based on what your friend is doing to herself and her family. Being her friend and knowing about the situation does put you in a bad position. She is basically asking you to support her while she hurts herself and her family, which is a self centered thing to do. So getting out now is a good idea. Before you do, however, consider talking to her one more time. Let her know you care and feel that she is putting herself in danger. Then let her know that if she ever does want to get out of the relationship, you will be there for her. Advocate for healthy behavior from her while rejecting the dysfunctional behavior. And keep in mind, you have done all you can to help her. But you cannot control her so at this point, you need to take care of yourself.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
TherapistMarryAnn and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
I hope my answer was helpful to you. If you have any questions, please let me know.

Kate








May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

thank's for your good advice.i think I knew what I should do.....it is difficult with a long time best friend to cut her out of my life......it to me is like asking her to choose between me & this man & also the fact that she hasn't dealt with the problem's in her marriage which have been ongoing for a long time & maybe she never will.....even if she see's the light & end's it with him will she be resentful? who know's, either way our friendship may have to end.....it is tough but I guess necessary....

You're welcome!

Yes it is hard to end a long term friendship. It is a huge loss and it may take time for you to work through. But you can also be sure your friend knows that you are there when she is ready to choose more healthy behaviors. And be sure she knows that you care deeply for her and that this is not an easy decision. You never know, but maybe your actions in ending the relationship might wake her up enough to see what she is doing to herself and her life and help her change.

Kate
TherapistMarryAnn and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Thank you so much for the ratings. I appreciate both very much!

My best to you and your friend,

Kate