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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5837
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My sister move in on my one bedroom apartment last March

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My sister move in on my one bedroom apartment last March 2013. She stayed in our apt. for 2months. Last Month I found out a lot of exchanging textes messages between my husband and sister. They are texting night time and early morning. When I see the phone records via online, my gut feelings tells me something is not right. I've also noticed they got more closer before my sister move out at the end of April 2013. I had a suspicions that they had an affair. I have a lot of signs because my husband and I is been talking about my sister. That time I have no idea that they are texting each other a lot. I just remember what me and husband talk about in the past and put it a pieces as a puzzle and it make sense that they had an affair. Also why are they texting each other behind my back and that confirms it. I still want to work out our marriage for the sake of the kid. I asked him to choose between me and my sister and he said, he wants to work out our marriage.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.
If you confronted your husband and he has confirmed that there was an affair, then listening to your instincts was the right thing to do.
Anytime a spouse strays outside the marriage it can cause strain to the marriage and undermine trust, which is essential to a good marriage.
In order to repair your marriage, there needs to be clarification on some issues:
One, is your husband sorry for what he did? This is important, because if he does not take responsibility, recovering your marriage will be difficult.
Two, has your husband stopped all contact with your sister unless you are around? He must do so as a first step to regaining your trust.
Three, has he done anything to start repairing the marriage?
Four, are the two of you talking about what happened? Your husband needs to be open and honest about what he did and let you ask any questions you need to. He broke the marriage vows and betrayed your trust. He needs to own up to it.
These are some of the most important issues you both need to be working on. You also may want to see a therapist together. Talk with your doctor about a referral to a therapist. If you attend church, talk with your pastor. Pastors are often very good marriage counselors. Also, if you have problems affording therapy, try your local community mental health center. They can offer therapy on a sliding scale fee system.
The main issue is to rebuild trust. It can take a while and a lot of work, but you can do it as long as you both are motivated.
There are some books that may help you:
Infidelity: A Survival Guide by Don-David Lusterman
Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity by Shirley P. Glass and Jean Coppock Staeheli
You can find these both on or your local library may have them.
I hope this has helped you,
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