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Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 794
Experience:  Specializing in mental health counseling
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Can you advise if my lover who is planning on a divorce so

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Can you advise if my lover who is planning on a divorce so that we can be together is being honest when she says that while she still sleeps in the same bed as her husband they do not and have not had sex with each other in the last year. She is waiting for the right time to end their relationship?
Hello, I'm Alicia. Thanks for your question, I'm happy to help you today.
I realize this is a difficult situation for you and your lover. While I obviously don't have all the details, I am not sure what she's waiting for -- what constitutes the "right" time? Are you sure she's not just procrastinating because she's unsure of whether she really wants to leave him? I don't say this to cause you pain, but I think it's important to be realistic and honest. I also say this because if things between them are bad enough, to the point where she wants to leave him and is having a relationship with you, it can very well be the case that she feels like there will be a "right time" to end things, but (and I realize this may not be what you want to hear) often, things like this can drag on because the other party (she) is afraid to end the relationship with their spouse - especially if they have been together for a long time. The longer a couple is together, the harder it is to call it off, in most cases.
While we can't see into their bedroom and know for sure what's really going on, I bet that she is being honest with you when she says that she is faithful to you and that they do not and have not had sex with each other in the last year. If they were intimate, and if things were reparable between them, she probably would not have sought a relationship with you nor continued it. As best as I can tell, it does sound like her intention is to be true to you, however - otherwise, there would be no reason for her to continue to let you hang on.
But again, neither you nor I is psychic, so she is really the only one who can answer this question honestly. I am wondering if you are starting to doubt the relationship with her, and if that is perhaps the reason that you posted your question here today. I think that having a honest conversation with her about your feelings and taking some time to reflect is the best course of action. You also have to ask yourself how long you are willing to wait for her to take action - a few weeks, months, years? You are also an important part of this relationship, and while it's not easy, you also shouldn't have to feel like you're going to be hanging on forever.
I know this is not a definite answer as to her intentions and future actions, but only she can truly provide you with that insight. I hope this helps to the extent that that is possible. Please let me know if you have further questions. Best wishes.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Good answer. What I did not say is that we were High school sweethearts and have both been seeking each other for most 50 years. We talk and email and text daily for the last six months. Both process undying love for each and blame our two failed marriages each on our longstanding love for each other. He right time will be in 6 months or do she an illness he gas resolves and his mother who is with them has additional care giver assistance.
Yes I really believe we are soul mates. My current crumbling marriage is of 32 years hers is 38. Neither of out partners have exhibited Any passion or toward signs of affection for 20 years and from day one dwindled. On the other side my lover a d I are very passionate and sexual people.
I guess I have trust issues but we both do love each other. We will be together in four weeks. I assume if we both feel the same when together we mat have a chance at true love ?
Hi again,
Based on what you've said here, especially the additional information about being high school sweethearts, and the time frame that you both seem to be looking at for being together (finally, after 50 years, I suppose 6 months isn't so much longer to wait!), plus the fact that you both feel like you are truly soulmates, then I would say (again, this is just my opinion based on what you've said, we can't predict the future) that there is a very good chance at true love. It sounds like you already have the true love part down, now it's just a matter of settling the concrete details. And I think, and I truly believe, that if you are really meant to be, then things will line up in such a way (as seems to be happening) that you will be together in the end. Hopefully that happens sooner rather than later, because I can imagine how frustrating it is for you both to have to wait even a few weeks more.
I hope it works out, but my feeling is that it will. Best wishes to you both.
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