Mental Health

Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Mental Health
This answer was rated:

Jean. So after much thought last night, I decided not to

Hi Jean. So after much...
Hi Jean. So after much thought last night, I decided not to allow my ex to pick me up and made arrangements with a private nursing service. Don't really need nursing, but they will escort me home and make sure I am comfortable. I was about to call my ex
to tell him, thank you but no, when he sends me a text message to ask how I was doing. I said I was okay, just a busy work day and am focusing on a report for my boss. I then expected him a reply along the lines of "OK. Glad to hear you are busy" or " I'm
still here for you if you need me" or "Any decision yet about me picking you up.? The reply I got back was "OK" That's it.- just "OK". This really pissed me off as that is so typical of him. He wanted so much to be here for me, to comfort me and I get back
an "OK". Not sure if he was waiting for me to say something, but he is a grown man, if he in fact really wanted to be here to for me, to comfort me and help me through this difficult time is it unreasonable for me to think that he would reiterate his intention?
Its like he WANTED me to ask him if he was okay. He could be in one of his down moods, but just shows that he cant even be here for me when he said he would.
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Answered in 1 hour by:
5/28/2013
Jean
Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience: Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
Verified
Hello,
Good to hear from you. Sorry to keep you waiting. It sounds like his "ok" triggered some things, things that have troubled you in the relationship. Like you said, heard him say that he was thinking more about himself, as usual, sort of thing.
It's upsetting to you and more so because you are still reeling from the break up in the first place. Him inviting himself back in the form of a "ride and support", reopens those wounds that need time to heal. There also may have been a quiet little hope within you that he had made a change- a change to show more care and concern for you. His "ok" may be a reminder that he's still quite focused on himself.
I understand why you would decline his invite to take you. Taking that step, making a stand that you can take care of yourself- to feel empowered. Angry, yes, as well as hurt and disappointed, I bet.
His "ok" was possibly his man pride talking too, doesn't want to have to "beg". You are right, not too much to expect that he would reiterate his intentions of wanting to help you- that it means enough for him to be persistent. It sounds like he's let you down all over again- that hurts- as did the break up in the first place.
Have you had the opportunity to tell him, "thanks but no thanks"?
I'm off line again for a bit, will check back asap for your response to my post.
Jean
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago
Thanks Jean. The last time I spoke to him I said I was still deciding what I was going to do and that I would get back to him. Just minutes before I was to call he sent me the text. Also bothers me, that we are not teenagers. Pick up the phone and call me. Say "I am here for you, I want to take care of you, Can I please pick you up!"Since I knew he would be seeing his psychiatrist today, I had hoped that when he returned he would have reached out to me. Oddly enough, all he did was initiate a move on the online game we play. I didn't play back. You are correct, he did trigger something in me. All he talked about was his pain/depression, his problems, his crazy siblings (although he is an enabler). And yes, he has been there for me before when I needed him, but he is so self-absorbed in his own shit that he cant see past it. To your point, I think the fact that I did not rush to accept his offer has left him somewhat puzzled and he is probably feeling sorry for himself or maybe relieved! If the situation was reversed, I would have handled it differently. Curious to see if I hear from him again before the surgery on Thursday. Just a thought - is it a possibility that his psychiatrist told him "you made the offer so if she wants your help it is up to her to reach out to you"?
Hard to say what his Dr. said. If anything, because as I recall dr. thought he was being "hasty", he would have encouraged him to be up front and honest with you. Like you said, be an adult and speak what he wants, or that he wants to help you. He has told you in a couple texts that he wanted to help as I recall.
It's understandable that you question his motives, mistrust him. Trust that mistrust and uncertainty is there to protect you from further hurt. Yes, look at this with curiosity "I wonder how this will turn out". You certainly could say to him "hey you give up way too easy for I guy that says it means a lot to him to help me" or plain and simple: "I'm CONFUSED about your intentions in all of this". Certainly saying little and allowing him to have to "work" at getting your "attention" is ok too. No easy way on this one. The beauty is, you do have choices, and saying "thanks but no thanks" as much as it hurts, is a statement of being empowerment.
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago
Thank you. I am going to stick to my plan. If he reaches out to me before Thursday, then he does. I will still say no thank-you. If he doesn't, then I will know his gesture was to alleviate his guilt and was motivated by a sense of obligation. I realized after my father passed away that you know who your true friends are by their actions, especially when you need them the most. He can say whatever he wants. If he truly wanted to be here for me, then it would encompass more than a text or two. I will keep you updated!
be strong, you have to put your warrior hat on, be brave, and march forward. He's losing a good woman I'm sure of that! His loss, and there are good things ahead for you. It takes time to work through this grief/loss, hurt, etc. and there is HOPE. I picture you holding your head high, shoulders back and saying "no thank you" and walking on!! Best wishes as you recover emotionally and physically. Yes keep me posted.
The best to you,
Jean
Jean
Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience: Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
Verified
Jean and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask Jean Your Own Question
Jean
Jean
Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
433 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)

Jean is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much

Corrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well!

ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion.

KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
I feel better already! Thank you.

ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.

JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions.

John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!!

Janet VPhoenix, AZ

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Dr. Keane

Dr. Keane

Therapist

1,379 satisfied customers

Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

TherapistMarryAnn

TherapistMarryAnn

Therapist

4,021 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

Dr. Olsen

Dr. Olsen

Psychologist

2,336 satisfied customers

PsyD Psychologist

Norman M.

Norman M.

Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

2,246 satisfied customers

ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Dr. Michael

Dr. Michael

Psychologist

2,177 satisfied customers

Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.

Steven Olsen

Steven Olsen

Therapist

1,728 satisfied customers

More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Anna

Anna

Mental Health Professional

1,656 satisfied customers

Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.

< Previous | Next >

Related Mental Health Questions
My ex did gay porn but swears he's not gay.. he's so back
My ex did gay porn but swears he's not gay.. he's so back and forth with me.. he was addicted to oxy I love him but he's so closed off… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
I keep thinking about what I did when I was younger, when I
I keep thinking about what I did when I was younger, when I was about 6 I remeber like kissing almost making out with my two sisters, they were 5 and 4 then later when I was about 14-15 I developed la… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
794 satisfied customers
I am having terrible guilt and shame about things I did in
I am having terrible guilt and shame about things I did in my past which have suddenly come to my consciousness - when I was about 16 I was extremely sexual and ended up sniffing knickers on a number … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
Leah,I had a question I did get to mention yesterday..the
Hi Leah,I had a question I did get to mention yesterday..the thread was getting a bit to long anyway lol… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
I did ask a male professional earlier about my problem, but
I did ask a male professional earlier about my problem, but it would be great to get a female psychologists view also. My husband and I have not had sex in 6 years. He had a mild stroke 5 years ago, b… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
794 satisfied customers
My husband call me a, he did it today. I told him under no
My husband call me a bitch, he did it today. I told him under no circumstances do you have the right to call a woman a bitch. He also tells me that I am miserable. Everytime he starts a fight. … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
Its kind of imbarrising.. I did realize I could chat to some
its kind of imbarrising.. I did realize I could chat to some one on here … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
My doctor switched me from sertraline to viibryd. I did one
My doctor switched me from sertraline to viibryd. I did one week of 10 mg, then 2 weeks of 20 mg, now back to 10mg so I can switch back to sertraline. I don't like viibryd. How can I safely switch bac… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
Dear Dr. Keane, just a quick message to say that I did not
Dear Dr. Keane, just a quick message to say that I did not get that job, enough time has passed by to now know this. I've plenty to say, but not plenty of time this week as my gran is now visiting, so… read more
Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane
Therapist
Doctoral Degree
1,379 satisfied customers
I have a friend who says she has DID but she doesn't meet
I have a friend who says she has DID but she doesn't meet the criteria. Her alters are dead people. Mostly characters from Movies or Musicals like Phantom of the Opera. Would this behavior be a sympto… read more
llw26
llw26
Private Practice
Doctoral Degree
11 satisfied customers
Why some people get angry if other people point out they did
Why some people get angry if other people point out they did wrong things? I would think when people know they did wrong things they should feel sorry and try to correct. Thanks.… read more
llw26
llw26
Private Practice
Doctoral Degree
11 satisfied customers
Dear Dr. Keane, I did what you suggested about my dad.
Dear Dr. Keane,I did what you suggested about my dad. Actually, I spoke to my mum too and she's right, it just is not his kind of thing, to get support. You were right, when I initially brought up the… read more
Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane
Therapist
Doctoral Degree
1,379 satisfied customers
Thank you. I did download a book about a little boy with
Thank you. I did download a book about a little boy with autism, from the perspective of an autistic child, but it turned out to be 64 pages long and just a little too grown up -- even though it menti… read more
Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark
Doctoral Degree
129 satisfied customers
My husband lied to me about his. He did cheat on his ex-wife
My husband lied to me about his. He did cheat on his ex-wife after all. Now he says I am sticking my nose into his business. … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
My wife and I did some role reversal consisting of her being
My wife and I did some role reversal consisting of her being dominant. Domestic discipline and domination. SometiMrs she makes me wear panties. I find embarrassing but arousing too. The whole mentalk … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
Have DID. totally dissociated for the first time the other
have DID. totally dissociated for the first time the other day in therapy and embarrassed self. now terrified to face therapist again. any ideas how to calm anxiety and face therapist?… read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
4,021 satisfied customers
I've been having serious guilt over something I did in the
I've been having serious guilt over something I did in the past. It all triggered when I saw a kid that used to live on my street. I'm 18 now. At the time of incident I was about 11/12 and the kid was… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
794 satisfied customers
I did a no no and tried to look up articles about what I
I did a no no and tried to look up articles about what I have and how pure O can sometimes be misdiagnosed as pedophila! Well I read a comment where one person says even if they've had these thoughts … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x