Mental Health

Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Mental Health
This answer was rated:

Kate. Need to get in touch with you again. Some things seem

Hi, Kate. Need to get...
Hi, Kate. Need to get in touch with you again. Some things seem to just persist. I suffer from a severe lack of self-confidence. I am not interested in exploring the causes of why—if it’s bad parenting, or critical teachers, or lack of friends or faith, etc. I get that these factors and others can be or are the contribution or cause of having little if any confidence in myself. On the exterior and on paper, there should be no reason why I am absent having confidence. I am reasonably attractive and in decent physical shape; I’m well-educated; I have completed a 26 year military career, and have recently started a new career. I am happily married with no kids, and I’m financially secure. But on the inside, I feel that I lack any measurable talent. I have thought for the longest time that I’m not good enough… for anything or anyone. I feel like I’m one mistake or bad decision from having this façade I’m living to start crumbling down. At worse, I feel like I’m living a lie. I doubt myself and become hyper-aware of any comment that I perceive, false or otherwise, as an attack against my character or skills. I don’t want to “fake it until I make it.” In fact, I think trite comments like that are insulting and only worsen the problem. I don’t know what to do and I’m getting very depressed. Please help.
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Answered in 21 minutes by:
5/22/2013
TherapistMarryAnn
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5,862
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Verified
Hi! It's great to hear from you.
I agree with you that learning about your past only helps you understand where your feelings come from but it does not help you change what you feel now. For example, you can see that low self esteem comes from a parent that put you down all the time, but that understanding does not change the fact that you have low self esteem now and need to address it.
In order for real change to occur, you have to loosen the fixed ways you are thinking about yourself. The issue here is how to change thoughts that you have become used to over the years. Changing those patterns is key to helping you increase your self esteem and lessen your reaction to what others say to you.
Building your self confidence is a matter of deciding to do so. It takes some work, including learning more about self confidence and applying what you learn. Here are some resources that can help:
http://www.counselingcenter.illinois.edu/?page_id=191
http://www.mindtools.com/selfconf.html
http://suite101.com/article/the-confidence-to-be-yourself-a12244
By learning more about self confidence/esteem, you can give yourself the tools to change your thoughts. You have to stop the "learned" thoughts you had from whatever source they came from and make your new thoughts your own. In other words, you are giving yourself the messages that you should have gotten when you were younger so you can build your own self esteem.
When you suffer from lack of confidence, it is going to magnify anything around you that fits that pattern. So when others criticize you, it will go like a hot knife through butter right to the root of your feelings, confirming your thoughts about yourself. In order to change this, you have to have a counter thought you can use to tell yourself. For example, if someone questions your ability to do something, it helps to have a comment you can tell yourself (or even that person) that confirms the opposite of what you feel. If the person says, "this is hard for you, isn't it?". That hurts. But instead of letting it confirm what you feel about yourself, choose an opposite statement such as "It is hard now, but I will learn it and be good at this soon".
Make a list of affirming statements about yourself. This can be difficult since you probably tend to think negative thoughts. If it helps, ask others around you like your partner or trusted friends to help. What are the good things about you? What would you like to improve? What things are you most proud of doing? Etc. Make this list, look it over often (post it somewhere to read it each day if it helps) and add to it as you go along. By doing this, you send positive messages to yourself, the ones you deserve to hear rather than the negative ones you had to hear before.
It can also help to have friends and family affirm what is good about you. Hearing it from others gives you another way to take those messages in and make them part of your own thought patterns.
Kate
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
These resources may help you as well:
10 Simple Solutions for Building Self-Esteem: How to End Self-Doubt, Gain Confidence, & Create a Positive Self-Image... by Glenn R. Schiraldi PhD
Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem... by Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning
Kate
May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
TherapistMarryAnn
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5,862
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Verified
TherapistMarryAnn and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Customer reply replied 4 years ago
Hi Kate, I am working with your company so you can get credited for your services. . I've given you an excellent rating on 3 separate occasions regarding your answer so I don't know why I keep getting an email to rate you. I want to get this resolved quickly because I value your service.
I'm sorry you are having so much trouble rating. I will forward your question to the moderators so they can address it.
Kate
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
I put your question through. Hopefully I will hear from them soon. You can also ask for assistance through the customer service link if you want to address it that way.
Thanks for letting me know.
Kate
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Ask TherapistMarryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5,862
5,862 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

TherapistMarryAnn is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much

Corrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well!

ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion.

KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
I feel better already! Thank you.

ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.

JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions.

John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!!

Janet VPhoenix, AZ

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Dr. Keane

Dr. Keane

Therapist

1,379 satisfied customers

Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

TherapistMarryAnn

TherapistMarryAnn

Therapist

5,862 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

Dr. Olsen

Dr. Olsen

Psychologist

2,336 satisfied customers

PsyD Psychologist

Norman M.

Norman M.

Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

2,246 satisfied customers

ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Dr. Michael

Dr. Michael

Psychologist

2,177 satisfied customers

Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.

Steven Olsen

Steven Olsen

Therapist

1,728 satisfied customers

More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Anna

Anna

Mental Health Professional

1,656 satisfied customers

Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.

< Previous | Next >

Related Mental Health Questions
OKMH-VZ I suffer from much fatigue, that may stem from
OKMH-VZ I suffer from much fatigue, that may stem from depression. I was on Wellbutrin which was helping somewhat , but not enough, so I was told Prozac is activating so I've added to my 300 mg of Wel… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
203 satisfied customers
I have been using Lexapro 20mg for the last 2 years. It is
I have been using Lexapro 20mg for the last 2 years. It is not working anymore. But my doctor is still adamant that it is going to work. I want to switch to something else.... could you please help … read more
Dr. Mo
Dr. Mo
Urgent Care
MD
1,247 satisfied customers
Three years ago I was diagnosed with PTSD by a local
Three years ago I was diagnosed with PTSD by a local psychiatrist. I went to him as I was stuck and having a hard time completing any of my household paperwork, I.e., bills, taxes, cling accounts, etc… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
721 satisfied customers
Can you combine nefazodone and dexedrine. I have ocd
can you combine nefazodone and dexedrine JA: How is your mood? Are you experiencing regular sleep disturbances (e.g. trouble falling asleep, waking up early)? Customer: yes JA: Anything else in your m… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
203 satisfied customers
It's Lenora from Texas. I'm requesting you so we can talk. I
Linda it's Lenora from Texas. I'm requesting you so we can talk. I will also request a phone call. Monday 8am please. Thanks for getting back to me.… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
721 satisfied customers
I've been taking Wellbutrin off and on for 15 years to treat
I've been taking Wellbutrin off and on for 15 years to treat ADD and mild HA The Wellbutrin started to become ineffective and it also began to make me have the jitters, like I drank too much coffee I … read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
203 satisfied customers
I was dx with add, ocd tendencies and anxiety 10 years ago.
I was dx with add, ocd tendencies and anxiety 10 years ago. I stopped the adderal.meds bc if the crash they caused. I hear there is a time release that works good but in a new state and need doc tnst … read more
llw26
llw26
Private Practice
Doctoral Degree
11 satisfied customers
I am looking to add supplements to my diet. Specifically
Hi. I am looking to add supplements to my diet. Specifically L-Lipoic Acid, L-Theanine, L-Carnitine, and Cleated Magnesium … read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
203 satisfied customers
My best friend "J" was diagnosed with ADD (or ADHD, I'm not
Hello, my best friend "J" was diagnosed with ADD (or ADHD, I'm not sure the difference), we are in our 40s. But I don't see her having this problem. When she was first diagnosed I just thought, oh it'… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
721 satisfied customers
I used to take Dexedrine for adult ADD the dr thinks I
Hello, I used to take Dexedrine for adult ADD the dr thinks I should go back on it. I have been having trouble running my business and growing my business and getting organized. My son also used to ta… read more
Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark
Doctoral Degree
129 satisfied customers
Im concerned that i may have ADD. It runs in the family with
Hi im concerned that i may have ADD. It runs in the family with my mother, brother and daughter. Can you tell me what assessments are necessary to do please. Im 42 and life is getting out of control w… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
Just looking for information to see if i suffer from ADD, I
just looking for information to see if i suffer from ADD … read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
721 satisfied customers
I just started wellbutrin XL 150 mg to add with my 20 mg
I just started wellbutrin XL 150 mg to add with my 20 mg prozac (I have been on prozac for 20 years and works great, but the last few years I might be getting prozac poop-out) I feel lousy on the Well… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
719 satisfied customers
I have been taking adderall for add for many years. I have
I have been taking adderall for add for many years. I have recently moved to central Texas, 6 hours away from my primary dr. and am unable to see him about getting back on the adderall. Is there any w… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
719 satisfied customers
My son is 24. He has been treated for ADD and Depression.
My son is 24. He has been treated for ADD and Depression. However, from time to time he has psychotic episodes where he perceives espionage type events, where people and events are after him. My wife … read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
203 satisfied customers
I was being treated for ADD at a doctors office because my
I was being treated for ADD at a doctors office because my insurance doesn't cover psychiatry. My doctor is now saying in order to keep treatment I need a diagnosis now from a psychiatrist. Any reccem… read more
Michael Salama
Michael Salama
MD
670 satisfied customers
I've been on Celexa for years, low dose 10mg. Mainly for ADD
I've been on Celexa for years, low dose 10mg. Mainly for ADD with very mild anxiety. 45 yr Male. Just think it's time to come off but looking for answers to why? Better concentration with normal negat… read more
Neuro Doctor
Neuro Doctor
Full Time Neurologist
Neurologist MD (USA Board Certified
2,534 satisfied customers
I have been reading a lot lately about ADD, and I relate
I have been reading a lot lately about ADD, and I relate very much to signs and symptons. … read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
721 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x