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Ryan LCSW, Mental Health
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Individual and Family Therapist
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I have a question in regard to my 28 year old son, who moved

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I have a question in regard to my 28 year old son, who moved in with me and my husband, who Is currently unemployed and depressed. He had been on drugs before he moved in, so granted, he is off drugs now, only clonozepam by prescription, but he seems lackadaisical and not really motivated to find a job. He used to work on the phone, doing telemarketing and sales, but that's when he was using. Now, he is just sleeping all day long. He barely goes out or does anything. We don't have much money to send him to psychologist, etc. I was just wondering whether it would be okey to leave him along until he gets better, or should I do something?

Thanks for your question,

I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through with your son. It does sound like he is showing signs of being depressed, and to some extent there may not be much you can do to help him until he is at a point where he is ready to help himself. Since he is unemployed he would likely qualify for free or very low cost counseling services, which would be ideal if he is open to that. If you were to call the United Way by dialing #211 they can help him to locate some specific to your area.

Sometimes people don't always realize they are depressed, or even if they do, they aren't always ready to confront it. If you haven't already had a conversation with him about your concerns and how things look from your perspective, that may help him to see things differently and develop that desire to want to make some changes in his life. You may want to ask him directly if there is anything you can do to help him to be happy and move in a direction towards being fulfilled in his life. Often times if you can have an open conversation about it, that can help him to express his feelings and start to figure this out.

Ultimately this is something that he will have to confront himself, and if he is giving you the impression that he wants to be left alone, sometimes all you can do is to tell him how you feel, give him that space, and let him know that the door is always open to talk to you about all of this when he is ready. I definitely wish you the best with all of this, and if there's anything else I can do to help please let me know.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thank you for your help. I just spoke to him. He said he is depressed because he doesn't have a job, and its hard to come by one in this economy. He wants me to find him a job. How can I do that? Other than that he is not interested in talking to anyone, including counselors. He is definitely not ready to get help either. He seems to be much more comfortable laying in bed and watching TV. Will it pass or get worse if I leave him alone?
It definitely helps to know what the problem is. Jobs can be hard to come by in this economy, and it is not an uncommon cause for depression. One thing that may help is to help him establish some small goals. Perhaps it's to send out at least one or two applications per day. If he needs help with his resume, the initial goal may just be to do some online research to make his resume the best it can be. He may even want to look into internships or classes that can help him to open up some opportunities. The most important thing is that he is taking some consistent action, and eventually it will pay off. This all may pass if you leave him alone, but if his motivation level is very low or if he isn't doing anything to help himself, it may get worse or just continue the way it has. In that case, anything you can to do help him create a manageable plan for himself and stick to it would probably be a big help. All the best,

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