Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like you have a couple of different issues going on. One is the depression you are experiencing. It sounds like you have experienced depression a good portion of your life if you were in treatment before and took medication years ago. Depending on your symptoms, you could have Dysthymia
, which is a chronic underlying depression.
Depression is not something you can snap out of easily. It is just like any other physical condition. It can be caused by an imbalance of brain chemicals or it can be due to past emotional issues. Either way, it should be treated just like any physical issue you might experience.
Another issue seems to be the communication between you and your wife. You mentioned that she does not talk to you much about her needs and that this is affecting your sex life and your feelings about her, your marriage and your depression, leaving you to feel more alone.
In treating your depression, it might help to consider counseling again. If it did
not help the first time, it could have been because of the therapist you had or other issues at the time. Finding the right therapist to help you takes a bit of effort, but once you find someone you connect with your treatment experience should be better. To find a therapist, talk to your doctor about a referral. Or you can search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php.
Medications are another choice, though you indicate you are not happy with how they make you feel. You might want to try to talk to your doctor about any new medications available that may work for you. It sometimes takes a while to find the right one. But if you are too uncomfortable taking medication, then therapy and self help might be better choices.
Support and self help are vital in helping you overcome depression. Consider support groups, either on line or in person. People who are experiencing the same symptoms as you are can offer invaluable support, ideas and companionship to help you feel better. Also, working on your depression at home can supplement your therapy or other treatment. Here are resources to help you get started:
Once you are able to reach out, you will start to feel better. Let others support you and offer help. You do not have to do this alone.
Also, you may want to ask your wife to come with you to therapy. You both need to work on how to communicate better and to understand why your wife is not more open with her feelings. But if she will not go with you, try going on your own. You need to work out your depression and also find ways to connect to your wife so you can feel closer to her.
I hope this has helped you,