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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5824
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I have so many issues that I don't know how online

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I have so many issues that I don't know how online psychologist can help but I am prone to depression (going thorough tough times). I have never found it easy to make friends and therefore I find myself with no friends to depend on. I love me wife very much but she has intimacy issues that affect our sex life but more importantly our relationship. I am having a hard time getting any support from her since she does not talk about what she really wants from me. Anyway I am having trouble coping with things, I am in a deep depression and I will no longer take anti-depressives (many yrs ago) nor do I want to. I know what I am suppose to do to snap out of it, I have done it before but with out any support structure (other family passed away), I am desperate... any help would be appreciated. I would primarily like to get through to my wife and save my marriage, I need her love desperately.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like you have a couple of different issues going on. One is the depression you are experiencing. It sounds like you have experienced depression a good portion of your life if you were in treatment before and took medication years ago. Depending on your symptoms, you could have Dysthymia, which is a chronic underlying depression.
Depression is not something you can snap out of easily. It is just like any other physical condition. It can be caused by an imbalance of brain chemicals or it can be due to past emotional issues. Either way, it should be treated just like any physical issue you might experience.
Another issue seems to be the communication between you and your wife. You mentioned that she does not talk to you much about her needs and that this is affecting your sex life and your feelings about her, your marriage and your depression, leaving you to feel more alone.
In treating your depression, it might help to consider counseling again. If it did not help the first time, it could have been because of the therapist you had or other issues at the time. Finding the right therapist to help you takes a bit of effort, but once you find someone you connect with your treatment experience should be better. To find a therapist, talk to your doctor about a referral. Or you can search on line at
Medications are another choice, though you indicate you are not happy with how they make you feel. You might want to try to talk to your doctor about any new medications available that may work for you. It sometimes takes a while to find the right one. But if you are too uncomfortable taking medication, then therapy and self help might be better choices.
Support and self help are vital in helping you overcome depression. Consider support groups, either on line or in person. People who are experiencing the same symptoms as you are can offer invaluable support, ideas and companionship to help you feel better. Also, working on your depression at home can supplement your therapy or other treatment. Here are resources to help you get started:
Once you are able to reach out, you will start to feel better. Let others support you and offer help. You do not have to do this alone.
Also, you may want to ask your wife to come with you to therapy. You both need to work on how to communicate better and to understand why your wife is not more open with her feelings. But if she will not go with you, try going on your own. You need to work out your depression and also find ways to connect to your wife so you can feel closer to her.
I hope this has helped you,
This resource may help you as well:
The Depression Cure: The 6-Step Program to Beat Depression without Drugs by Stephen S. Ilardi
May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you very much for your answer. I really appreciate your focus and time on my issue.

God bless you.


You are very welcome! I am happy to help. If you need any more resources or have more questions, please let me know. And keep trying. It is not easy to deal with depression and it may take some time, but you can feel better.
My best to you,
Please don't forget to rate my service as OK or higher so I am credited for my answer. Thanks so much!
TherapistMarryAnn and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Sorry to impose on you for a follow up but:

The roots of my depression are from multiple very traumatic and dramatic events that happend to my family and I about 10 years ago. That is why we all went to counseling. But the focus was not my depression.

I am unemployed and cannot afford to look for, or go to counseling. I am very uncomfortable with medication since I have had bad reactions to all. I am a private person and I am uncomfortable revealing some very private events and things that are root cause to my depression.

Are there support groups which have 1/1 sessions for members?

I am not aware of any, but you might be able to contact some of the sites I provided to see if they can tell you. You might also want to contact your local community mental health center to ask if they know of any as well as to inquire about low cost/no cost therapy. Your local United Way might know as well. They should have all of the resources available in your area. And with any resource you find, you might want to explain how you feel about revealing your feelings. It helps to understand so they can work with you at your pace.