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I am 27 years old. I do not have a clean past in any way

shape or form. I am...
I am 27 years old. I do not have a clean past in any way shape or form. I am an addict in recovery (18 months this month) and while in my addiction I worked for an escort service. I loved sex, o loved the control that I felt from it. Either way, not the point. My husband is fully and completely aware of my entire pas. He helped me see I was better than what I was doing and encouraged me to give it up. Now I have a real problem getting into the mood at all. It is tearing my marriage apart. My husband is 33 and is really convinced that 1) i'm getting it somewhere else 2) I don't want him 3) I don't find him attractive anymore 4) and something is really wrong with him. I do find him attractive. He is a great lover, my best friend. I know it is something wrong with me,bu I don't know how to fix it. Because of my issues it is really hurting him. I love him and don't want to hurt him, but I can' feel resentment towards him every time we do make love. I am so lost!
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Answered in 8 minutes by:
5/3/2013
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Verified
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Your husband is wrong on all four counts. You are being faithful, you want him, you find him attractive, and there is nothing wrong with him.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

The very best help you can get would be from a therapist who is also a nationally certified sex therapist. These are licensed mental health professionals with additional training and certification.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You would attend together as this is a form of marriage therapy. They are usually very effective and you would both benefit from going. This is your best solution.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You can find therapists near you in many instances by going to the website of their professional organization, AASECT.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Go to the site below, click on your state, and a list will appear giving you information about the therapists.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

There are not a lot of them because it is a difficult specialty to get certification for.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Here is the website:

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :


AASECT - Member Directory

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :


This is your best bet.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have a lot going for you - meaning your love and friendship for one another. That makes it a lot more doable.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I see that you have given me bad service for a good answer.

Customer:

that is not a good answer. I got that answer from a google search. are you kidding me.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

What are you expecting? You have gotten into a very bad state of mind and you need therapy.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you expect instant gratification or healing, you will never achieve it.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I understand that you are very depressed about this, but giving me bad ratings does not help you nor does it hurt my feelings.

Customer:

I was expecting some kind of counseling, online. like the name in he upper left hand corner says. telling me I need therapy is something I already know. i am a recovering addict and am fully aware that instant gratification on anything is not the way the world works.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

What kind of group counseling do you think you can get online?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Where is your husband in this chat?

Customer:

Guess I should have used the thirty bucks to see a therapist. never mind. thanks.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Do you want a refund?

Customer:

he is at work. all we do is fight about it, so I am trying to fix me, since I am the problem.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He is also the problem because he believes all these things that are not true.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are suffering from depression and do not have enthusiasm as a result.

Customer:

I am taking something for my depression. I do feel better in that sense.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Lacking enthusiasm is a symptom of depression, including not wanting to have sex.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Pills are symptom suppressors, anyhow.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

What are you taking?

Customer:

so is bupropion not a good solution? I feel like getting out of bed now, but still not into making love

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Buproprion is probably the best antidepressant that you can take because it is one of the only ones that do not destroy your libido. How much are you taking? 300 or 350 mg should be right.

Customer:

150 twice a day

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

That is close to the maximum recommended dose.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you took other antidepressants it would hurt your libido, which you probably know.

Customer:

that is what I've heard. but is something I can take to wake my libido up?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

What were you addicted to?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I am asking this question for a specific reason.

Customer:

mostly meth, or anything water soluble

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

And so treatment with auxiliary ampthetamines (as is sometimes done for depression) would probably be a very bad idea.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Sometimes Adderall is given with antidepressants.

Customer:

and what would that do?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I know you did not like to hear about going to see a sex therapist, but that is the very best channel for you to pursue.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It might boost your libido (much like cocaine does).

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

With your history, however, a doctor may be reluctant to do that.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I'm sure that you don't want to get back into any kind of speed.

Customer:

I wont risk my sobriety in that way. whether a dr wants to or not.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Good for you.

Customer:

is their anything possibly herbal or natural that is an option?

Customer:

could it be a thyroid disorder? My mother has a thyroid issue... I am not sure if i is hereditary... ?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

According to my notes there are several herbal remedies for women.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Do you have hypo or hyperthyroidism, or don't you know?

Customer:

I dont know. Just wondering if I should ahve it checked since my mother has an issue. not sure which hers is

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Provestra is a popular female libido booster. It is said to be a natural aphrodisiac, containing widely used herbal ingredients like ginseng and L-arginine. The formula is taken in supplemental form and is said to heighten arousal, lubrication and sensations among women within 30 days of regular use.

Vigorelle, a female stimulant cream, is said to boost libido by increasing arousal and lubrication. When applied topically to the vagina area, the cream claims to stimulate tissues, dilate the blood vessels and increase blood flow to the area. The natural ingredients include a variety of herbs like gingko biloba and wild yam.

Her Solution claims to improve libido, expand blood flow, strengthen orgasm and enhance sexual enjoymen,They contain tribulus terrestris and DHEA. However, they may also increase testosterone levels, which could lead to increased facial hair and mood changes,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Thyroid problems CAN lead to low libido.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You need to get your levels checked and may need not only thyroid medication but also testosterone shots.

Customer:

ok. can say Provestra been found in a health food or vitamin store?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Yes.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Have a doctor check your TSH levels.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

In fact get a full hormone profile.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

This could be purely medical and you can work on this problem medically.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

In the meanwhile, do your best to convince your husband that he is not the cause of this. You need him on your side and need to work together to solve this.

Customer:

awesome. thank u for your help. i think i know what direction i need to go

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I shall keep you in my prayers for your healing and for your continuing relationship with this wonderful kind man who loves you so much.

Customer:

thank u

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are so welcome. I wish you great success.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

May God bless you and your husband. I wish you great success. Warm regards, Elliott

Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Verified
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
7,664 Satisfied Customers
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.

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