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Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.
What type of behavior is he displaying that you are using timeouts, taking things away, etc?
sorry hard to connect
He isnt displaying any behaviour
it phases him very little.
it will upset him for a couple of minutes
what do you give timeouts for?
then he goes right back to doing whatever
time outs for not doing his work, talking back, not listening. i dont do it all the time
i try to pick my battles
good. I am going to suggest that if possible you go to completely ignoring this behavior unless of course he is hurting himself or someone else.
He is getting the attention he is looking for by your response and when he doesnt react to it he gets more attention to it.
when i say nothing phases him i mean it...
obviously when i sit down and explain and he really sees it bothers me
then he will get upset.
he is very very smart
I would walk from the room and busy yourself with something else.
he is too young for the explanations
and your goal is not for him to feel bad
okay i explain
that is the only way he will actually show emotion
you want him to know you love him and support him byt have a limit to talking back.
we sat down today
if he doesnt do his work he will suffer the consequences in school
that is an issue all on its own
he doesnt feel he needs to do the work because it is too easy
he is good at getting you upset so I am wanting you to remain calm and be silent when this goes on...over time and with consistency he will realize that he isnt getting any attention in this way.
and yes, for him it is. Everyone recognizes it, but he doesnt do it.
on thursday i have a meeting to get him "observed"
I am sure he is bored if he is that smart but I would still let the school handle it.
Does he display affection?
he is a very loving child
excellent so he is connected to those around him.
he doesnt fit a profile
he has many friends
he doesnt fit add adhd asperger
When kids are very smart as he is they test even more...dont believe they need to do the mundane things.
the more you push, yell and try and get him to do it the more he doesnt.
that is why i gathered
my main concern
is the coldness
let me explain
most kids at this age
get upset if you take something away
pull back after sitting wtih him and letting him know these are his choices and he has to make them
he doesnt have anything that upsets him
i feel that isnt normal
I am sure he does get upset but he is smart enough not to show it to you
no, he has a pretty bad poker face
i know when he is upset
but when i punish him, or take something
he is skipping like nothing happened within miutes
samething at school
the teachers are amazed at how he gets in trouble
maybe we can see it in a different way that he is resillient and can handle it
that is a different way for sure
and he can let things roll.
yes that he can
he is ALWAYS smiling
I think he is aware how smart he is
that is an interesting way
so thursday he is being evaluated
im concerned about him being classified
I would come to him from a place of love as I know you do...timeouts and taking things away dont work for every child.
i am paying for it so it doesnt go into any records etc...
yes...they dont work AT all
I understand your fear.
Have you asked him what his favorite thing is?
he says me
he doesnt have a thing...
im am the same way
If he can answer that then you can tell him in advance that is what he will lose when he behaves in a manner that is unacceptable.
so maybe its genetic
lastly my other concern
is that he told me that sometimes he has too many thoughts in his head
ie 2+2 is 4, but in his head he is coming up with other solutions or other ways
your concerns are valid, but if things are noticed during his observation thaen you will be better equipped to handle what is going on.
so things dont seem very a to b with him
its ab and then z
and im not sure if that deals with his intelligence
where his critical thinking skills are far advance and that doesnt help
I am glad and proud of you for having him observed. It will help you and him if something is seen.
yes it can make things hard for all
thanks, ***** ***** for me answers will come after thursday
i just wanted to bounce some things off
Reasoning and pushing may not be the way to go here...firm boundaries and including him on the things you expect of him.
im not firm
because i havent needed to be
hes been soooo easy
he may feel better about things if he is involved in it all does that make sense?
it does...believe me he has an oppinion about everything
he is my little lawyer
he can rationalize himself out of a punishment hell be a great politian, i think i need to be firmer and be more structured.
ahhhh...firm seems to be important here. And what I mean is consistent. Include him while letting him know your rules and expectations and clear consequences. If he doesnt react that is okay...you have set the boundary and it is clear and you are firm.
i havent had issues with him until he started in Kinder
this is where everything changed
forget the lawyering. he is 6 and you are the parent. clear cut rules and consequences...you must follow through
because he wasnt the golden child in school etc...i think attention etc..
yes and he is great at getting yours.
yes we are writing the rules on paper so he can read them...
it is exhausting to have the go rounds with him.
yes...but amazing at the sametime
you are the parent. he, your child. you make the rules.
i think that is where he gets me
im amazed at his smarts, now daddy is more the disciplinarian
but if you dont follow through or you let him lawyer you then he will always know he can wear you down
but i dont let him walk over me...i just feel like i need to be more consistent and tougher
good well get on board. nothing harsh just consistent.
that makes sense
i dont believe in corporal punishment
he is smart enough to understand. thank you
good me neither and it doesnt work it only teaches violence.
i will put these into play, he knows things are changing after today
ok. come back to me anytime and let me know how he is doing and you too.
i will let you know how thursday goes if its okay
thanks...thought him having a genius IQ would make parenting easy...boy was i wrong
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