But in my country, I missed my husband. Every time I was in my country alone, we talked by phone every night. And I missed it. I always told him everything that happened to me, but I always saw him very indifferent in relation to my issues. And he never told me important things. I knew he did not trust anyone, not even me. So, he always told me trivialities, but never things relating to their business. And never, never about his feelings. Only now, in this 'war', I knew about the values of this business. In my first marriage, I took care of everything, I solved everything: from a purchase of the home, travels, schools for our children. Actually, I was tired of it. . And this marriage, I let him solve everything for me.
I always try to think of things about my husband did, spoke and acted in all these years. Even so, sometimes, I miss him. It's just as you said. As if I was addicted to this situation. I don't know how to get rid of it, he accuses me of everything. He tells lies about everything, as if it were really true for him. Since I came from my country, he moved in to another apartment. The psychologist advised me to try a connection with him, always polite, through e-mails or phone calls when we need to talk about things that we have to solve. But it is impossible. I'm still very shocked by everything, especially when I remember the scene of the police in my house. And he is now accusing me of little things, like breaking a cable connection from his computer, hide his credit card, have caught the wedding ring that I returned to him (is in his drawer). He accuses me of lying. He said that I am a woman with no education (I have a university, one postgraduate and one master degree - I speak 3 languages and I think I'm very polite - I never use dirty words, I never disrespect anyone).
I know I'm very on shape for my age (people usually think that I have 10 years less), I'm the ideal weight, I know I'm beautiful. But he never complimented me and he said I was fat in these last two years. He is a lot older than me and I don't think he is beautiful. But really, he knows how to be charming. I should be happy to be getting rid of it now, but I don't know why I still feel sad about it. Really, I invested a lot in this marriage. I never thought to come live in the USA. I had a good jobs and a good life in my country. My children decided to return to my country and since then, I always felt divided. But I never failed to visit them 2 times a year and they come to the U.S. once a year. My sons are very good and very respectful. They are my friends and we talk about everything openly. The relation of my husband with them was always cold and he accuses me of not having a better relationship with them because I did not let that happen. As already said, my patience had come to an end, but I am shocked by all this. I don't know if I still love him or if I'm really stuck with him for something else. I realize that he was emotionally abusive to me and I can not accept such ingenuity. I can not accept that I never noticed that.
For me and very hard to accept that he doesn't have no one good remembrance of our marriage. Nothing!! He treated me like an object without valuing nothing I have done. This is very difficult for me, mostly because we moved to another state one year ago, I have no confident friends here (I spent hours on the phone with my friends in the US and my country) and I'm in a country that is not mine. But I have learned and grown.