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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5824
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My boyfriend and I broke up 3 weeks ago after a 5-year

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My name is ***** ***** my boyfriend and I broke up 3 weeks ago after a 5-year relationship. We have broken up, but we classify it as a break as we want to get back together; just waiting for the right time.
I am taking this break very hard. He has seemed to find his fun, and is always going out with friends and finding things to do; whereas i am not, besides I don't really have any friends. My birthday is ***** 2 weeks and he told me he won't be here for it, which has hit me.
I need to think more positive and snap myself out of this, but I just can't. I have no motivation for anything, I feel like I am depressed.
Please help.
Hello Rachel, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like your boyfriend is using the opportunity to take a break from your relationship as an excuse to ignore you and your needs. It is not clear if the break was his idea or yours. But if it was his idea, then it is only hurting you. While taking a break from a relationship to fix issues that are wrong in the relationship makes sense, taking a break to have fun and ignore your partner does not.
It is natural that you are hurting because you care about the relationship. Your boyfriend on the other hand seems to be enjoying the break. And he is putting himself as the focus right now rather than the relationship and getting back together, making you feel as if you do not matter.
If you feel that you do want to get back together with him, then now might be the best time. By addressing this now, you can get your boyfriend's reaction to the idea of getting back together. If he balks at the idea, then you know he probably does not want to be in the relationship. But if he seems interested and tries, that tells you that the relationship is important to him.
You can also decide to move on if you feel that your boyfriend's behavior is too painful and shows that he truly does not care about the relationship. It is very painful to consider moving on, but once you move through it, you are free to find a relationship with someone who wants to be committed. Working through the end of a relationship takes some grieving and support. Try to talk to others about how you feel. Seek out support groups and if you feel it would help, talk to a therapist to help you work through your grief and to help you move on.
Here is a resource that may help:
I hope this has helped you,
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