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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5839
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I am married to a crossdresser who is distant depressed and

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I am married to a crossdresser who is distant depressed and tempermental
i feel it is my fault that he behaves this way as i interpret this as hate toward me
I have tried to be accepting of this behavior as I love him very much
However I am extremely depressed and anxious constantly - he says he loves me but never a kind or gentle word toward me
i am feeling lost and hopeless after 20 years
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.
If your husband is distant, depressed and temperamental, then it sounds like he has issues that he needs to work out that have nothing to do with you. At this point, you are accepting of what he needs and he is still not treating you well. That means what is wrong is not so much about you but about something going on with him.
If he is never kind or gentle towards you it is easy to see why you feel as you do. A marriage should be mutual caring and love. You should feel safe and loved. But if you do not, then whatever is going on with your husband needs addressed.
If your husband is willing, try to see if he will go to counseling with you. If he is ok with going, that will give you both a chance to talk about whatever is bothering him and about how you feel dealing with his behavior. But if he won't go, go on your own. You need the support and help in finding out how you want to deal with your marriage.
Also, see if your husband will see his doctor. He may have a medical condition that is causing how he feels. Or he may need medication to help him feel less depressed.
In the meanwhile, you can try talking to your husband again to see if he will listen. But if he will not, you may have to distance yourself from him until he will address his issue. Focus on building up your own self esteem through work, friends and other activities. It can help you feel better about yourself and your marriage.
I hope this has helped,
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