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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5838
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I live in Tokyo... I think I am addicted to sex and am very

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I live in Tokyo... I think I am addicted to sex and am very seriously looking for help. I have taken several surveys online and all signs point to I have an Issue. I am conflicted inside. I know I need to change... but at the same time I don't know how to...
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.
Anytime you feel you have little to no control over your own behavior, it can be distressing. On the one hand you want to stop, but on the other you derive pleasure from what you are doing and stopping seems like an overwhelming concept. But there are ways you can address your addiction.
The steps to dealing with sex addiction include:
One, realizing that you have a problem. With any addiction, breaking through denial is the first step to overcoming addiction. And this is true for sex addiction as well. Sex is part of life and very integrated in society so realizing that it has become a problem can be difficult. But if your addiction is interrupting your relationships, making you ignore responsibilities or even affecting your health, it has become a problem. Seeing those signs and realizing that you need help is an important step.
Two, getting support. You cannot do this alone. Trying alone is an option, but without support, it is easy to fail. Therapy is a great place to start. Talking to a therapist can help you see why you have this addiction and ways you can alter your behavior. Insight is also important. Once you know that you have a problem and what to do, it is hard to go back to ignoring the problem. Also, include friends, family or a sponsor in helping you stop. Make yourself accountable to them. If you have someone asking you about your problem, then it is harder to deceive yourself or lie about it to avoid facing your problem.
Three, changing your behavior. It is important to recognize all the ways that sex addiction has affected how you behave with others and with yourself. Find out what your triggers are. Do you feel lonely and that is why you have sex? Are you using the sex to cope with your feelings? Low self esteem, depression, anxiety and other issues can drive your need to avoid life and keep returning to sex to answer how you feel. In order to cope with these behaviors, along with getting help, try writing out how you feel when you want to have sex. Link the feelings with the need and find new ways to address how you feel. Find new things to do and ways to distract yourself. List some activities you are willing to do instead. Challenge yourself and go outside of your comfort zone. Have friends and family call talk with you. Anything you feel would work to distract you.
Seek help on line and in person. Here are some resource to help:
I hope this has helped,
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

The things you have told me I am aware of already...

I cannot tell anyone because it will destroy my marriage and break apart my family and get me excommunicated from my church...

I cant lose the one thing that truly matters to me which is why I fell so conflicted.

I am not depressed, sad or have negative feelings about myself. I am very positive and a forward thinker. I support and take good care of my wife and kids. I have become so numb to my sexual addiction I just hide it really well.

I recently had an STD... my wife has been gone for a week... I have slept with two different women... I just... I just don't know how to deal with this without losing them...

BUt at the same time enjoy my flings so much... I have read all the articles and things online... done several surveys. followed those 12 steps... I just can't break loose of this habit.

Where can I go to in TOkyo.... all the doctors speak japanese... having a mistress is practically part of the culture here...

I just want a direction to go... I am unable to find a way out... i relapse...

I understand that you struggle. That is the nature of an addiction. But what is good is that you are questioning what you are doing and you are seeking help. Both are very positive and mean that you have a chance to overcome your addiction.
Here are resources to help you find an English speaking therapist:
TherapistMarryAnn and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you